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This week brings us a bipolar roller coaster of trailers. From exceedingly excellent to dismally disappointing, it’s hard to say what is going on with the selection this week.
Hello, My Name is Doris
Genre: Drama
Director: Michael Showalter
Stars: Sally Field, Max Greenfield
Release date: March 11, 2016
This quirky comedy follows Doris, the senior-citizen version of Liz Lemon. An aging New York City career woman worried about dying alone in her apartment, Doris is caught off guard when she finds herself crushing on the young new art director at her company. She eventually overcomes her fear and pursues him in true Harold and Maude fashion. Although it tests her relationship with her best friend, Doris doesn’t look like she’ll let anything hold her back. Directed by Michael Showalter, the brains behind Wet Hot American Summer, Hello, My Name is Doris seems very promising.
In the Heart of the Sea
Genre: Action, Adventure, Drama
Director: Ron Howard
Stars: Chris Hemsworth, Cillian Murphy, Brendan Gleeson
Release date: December 11
In the Heart of the Sea is a Moby Dick-esque tale of whalers being taken down by the animal they seek. After a vicious whale attack, the sailors must survive on a deserted island thousands of miles from home. Starring the second hottest Hemsworth as some sort of ship captain, we’re not sure if the epic CGI effects will make up for Hemsworth’s forced-looking “O face” in the middle of the trailer. The beginning of the trailer boasts that In the Heart of the Sea is coming out just in time for the holiday season, so get ready for a traditional, sea monster-filled Christmahanakwanzika celebration.
Christmas Eve
Genre: “Comedy”
Director: Mitch Davis
Stars: Jon Heder, James Roday, Patrick Stewart
Release date: December 4
If a two minute trailer can feel like a lifetime, I can’t wait to see how unbearable the full 90 minute movie will be! Starring Napoleon Dynamite, this vom-com takes the long-dead genre of movies based around single holidays and shoves it into a stalled elevator car. But instead of snapping the elevator cables and letting the car immediately plummet to the ground, destroying everything inside, it goes on for an inexplicable 90 minutes. Even more unfortunate is the fact that the only elevator car that does experience some kind of danger is the one holding Patrick Stewart, who stars as a mashup of Scrooge from A Christmas Carol and Jimmy Stewart from It’s a Wonderful Life. But perhaps the most disturbing thing about this movie is that it doesn’t actually come out on Christmas Eve.
13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi
Genre: Action, Drama, Thriller
Director: Michael Bay
Stars: John Krasinski, Pablo Schreiber, David Giuntoli
Release date: January 15, 2016
And you thought that the most recent hearings with Hillary Clinton were the end of Benghazi! At least the Michael Bay version has a ton of explosions and yelling to keep things interesting. After his wife Pam and their children were killed in a tragic car accident, Jim Halpert gives up his quiet life in Scranton, PA, grows a huge beard, and joins a private security force in Libya. When the U.S. Embassy is attacked by rebels, it is up to Halpert and his team to defy the officials in Washington, D.C. to save as many American lives as they can. (Note: This may or may not actually be the plot of 13 Hours)
Alice Through the Looking Glass
Genre: Adventure, Family, Fantasy
Director: James Bobin
Stars: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Mia Wasikowska
Release date: May 27, 2016
It’s clear that time has stopped in both Wonderland and Burtonland. Alice returns to Wonderland to save it from some sort of time apocalypse being brought on by Sacha Baron Cohen. Although the effects and scenes look whimsical and technically impressive, we can’t help wondering why this still looks like Tim Burton directed it.