Image via Complex Original
As a decent enough human being, I, like many of you, try very hard to give people the benefit of the doubt. Yet, the Internet makes that extremely difficult as many of your cousins, ex-classmates, and significant others (and side pieces) prove themselves to be just as gullible and uninformed as you assumed most to be. There are many fine examples of this across social media, but the one that vexes me most - and serves as the central theme of this post - is posting fake ass news stories and foolishly passing them off as real news. Y'all. Al Gore didn't invent the Internet for you to access via someone else's Wi-Fi to do this. But instead of just being condescending and insulting, I'm going to also offer tips on how you and yours can tell when an article is fake. After we're done here, promise me you'll stop doing that shit. And you're welcome.
Michael Arceneaux is from the land of Beyoncé, but now lives in the city of Master Splinters. Follow him at @youngsinick.
The Cure For AIDS, Cancer, and Bad Breath All In One Magic Pill
Since people love conspiracies - especially about life-threatening diseases - there is always some site that Bill Nye, The Science Guy would spit on trying to sucker you into clicking their link and boosting their Adsense dollars courtesy of some story about the man hiding the cure for AIDS in Scrooge McDuck's vault of gold coins. Don't act like a Republican when it comes to science related stories. I beg of you.
It's Giving Nouveau Nostradamus
Did anyone else have an ultra religious mama that sometimes forced them to watch specials about the end of the world and all the doom and gloom events supposedly attached to it? They've since shifted to the Web and often come in the form of headlines like "Scientists Predict We Can't Eat Catfish No More After 2027." It's the apocalyptic okie doke, y'all.
Check The Source's Source
Sometimes a more credible news outlet will get desperate and repurpose obviously fake news stories (like those from The Daily Mail) for the sake of getting your silly ass to click their links. A real write up on a fake ass news story still equals a fake story. Them's the rules.
You Read It On "The Daily Mail"
The Daily Mail is basically "What if the people who write Media Take Out actually owned the fact that they went to college?" They're nothing more than a tabloid in pretty packaging. Kind of like a reality star after they use their club appearance money to get a good stylist.
Turn On The TV
So you heard that Beyoncé smashed President Obama and then Michelle Obama and Blue Ivy got into a fist fight over it (Blue won) only to be broken up after word got out that Saddam Hussein is not only alive, but signing to Maybach Music and about to drop bombs on Vladimir Putin? Well, turn on the telly, pimpin', 'cause surely someone would be informing us where to find the nearest bunker to go to for shelter.
It Came From A Fake Twitter Account
This is another that should go without saying, but you guys, do you really think TMZ would be posting under the handle "@TMZNEWSS_?" If you didn't immediately yell at your screen "Fuck, no, fool!" you need to turn off your computer right now and trace your steps back to figure out what went wrong in your life -- starting with seventh grade. Happy hunting.
It Sounds Fake (Because It Is)
Literally, every single day when I log on to Facebook, I see people post articles from The Daily Currant, which is purportedly a satirical newspaper, though they're as close to satire as Kim Kardashain is to being a natural beauty. Case in point a headline that reads "9/11 Museum to Host Exclusive Dance Party." Yo, this would never, ever happen, and if it did, everyone from the Bush administration would be on TV shouting about it. Discernment: use it.
You Have Never Heard of The Web Site
You would think this goes without saying, but I often forget that many people get their news by way of overhearing people talk about "that mess in Iraq" while buying condoms and chicken as opposed to legitimate news outlets. Here's a protip: You are not going to hear about the whereabouts about MH370 or Ciara's music career from a site called "NewsBizYall.TUH."