Image via Complex Original
Can you fall in love with someone as early as the age of 12? Most people born in the 1980s who can recall the Prince protégé Vanity and Janet Jackson’s janet. era dancers will argue yes. The same goes for Nick, the latest contestant (stop it—this show is clearly playing games with people) featured on Catfish.
On this week’s edition of the show, the 18-year-old Florida resident is hard pressed to meet Melissa, who he claims to have fallen in love with at the age of 12 after “meeting” in a Tila Tequila fan chat room. Excuse my snob, but really, Nicholas? You couldn’t have at least developed the thirst for someone in a classier virtual spot. Say, a TRL message board?
As soon as I heard where they met, I immediately assumed this was going to go all the way wrong for Nick. I was right, although it may take Nick a few years to realize this.
Written by Michael Arceneaux (@youngsinick)
Chanté’s Got A Man At Home…and So Does Melissa
Nick explains to Yogi and Boo Boo that after the death of his grandfather, Melissa was always there for him. It’s a sweet sentiment and makes his strong attachment to her understandable. Still, once he says that Melissa has a live-in boyfriend, you can’t help but think, “What?” And then: “Move on, dude.” Yes, they tell each other “I love you” over the phone, but I imagine when Melissa says that to the guy she sleeps next to most nights it means a little bit more.
Later in the episode, Melissa echoes Nick's feelings about what drew them together. Melissa says that at one point Nick called her more than her parents did. She cites him as the reason she got of her parents’ home. Nonetheless, she’s living with her boyfriend and roommate. When this was brought up around Nick’s dad, even he made a face that I’m pretty sure was saying, “That ain’t it.” Or he was singing the hook to Memphis Bleek’s “Is That Your Chick?” Whichever is more fun for you.
My Girl Got a Girlfriend?
Scooby and Shaggy quickly discovered that Melissa has a lot of pictures with a strapping young woman named Cale. Melissa has also been eating well, as evidenced by the first full body shot we’ve seen. Liar or not, Melissa knows her angles—an important skill to learn in the age of the selfie. A friend of Melissa’s spoke with Nev and Max, who said that Melissa often speaks of her apparent boyfriend, Olie, though she acknowledges, “I’ve never really met him.” However, when it comes to Nick, she says she’s heard of him and it seemed like at one point loved him—emphasis on loved.
Not long after is all of this info delivered to Nick, who at this point stars to look a lot like Hamilton "Ham" Porter from The Sandlot. As fate and irony would have it, he’s more bothered by the fact that she’s bigger than he thought. Nick asks Max and Nev about his aesthetic objection, to which Max argues that sometimes a spiritual connect trumps all. He’s an 18-year-old boy, though, not a 40-something adult and divorcee so I imagine he won’t get that point until later (if ever). They’re both chubby, so I smell a workout buddy situation if all goes to Nick’s plans.
Ready
Despite her fear of rejection, Melissa's prepared to meet Nick at her home. That is, until she talks to Olin, who says he isn't so cool with it. Instead, they meet up at Melissa’s friend’s house. Once they arrive, Melissa and Nick hug and then we watch them act awkwardly towards each other as if this is a sitcom, they’re at the Sadie Hawkins dance, and we need Zach Morris or Eddie Winslow to arrive and push them into each other. To wit, Max and Nev begin the casual grilling process, asking Melissa if she’s into women—particularly a woman named Cale. Melissa says she is “completely straight,” so Max and Nev move onto Olin.
Melissa says Olin broke up with her two weeks after she moved in, dates other girls, but is extremely jealous of her relationship with Nick. Yet Melissa loves him “because he’s someone like me.” Olin sounds like a bit of a jerk, but whatever floats your boat, Melissa. After a while, Nick finally talks to Melissa directly (from a respectable and noticeable distance) and says despite having to turn to MTV to find out about her boyfriend, he’d still like to see where their friendship goes. As they talk one on one, Nick presses her, asking if she could remove all of the barriers between them, who would she pick? Melissa can’t answer, which is a clue for Nick to run like hell.
The Aftermath
In his follow-up interview with Max and Nev, Nick admits that there’s still a connection between him and Melissa, but he's somewhat annoyed by his initial conversation with her. Max and Nev speak with Melissa and Olin without Nick. Surprise, surprise, Olin and Melissa met online, too. On why he dumped Melissa after inviting her to live with him, he says he's afraid of commitment. That’s when it gets stupid and confusing.
Olin wants Melissa in his life and wants to live with her, but claims he doesn’t want the relationship label. In other words, he’s selfish, wants her to be around, but also wants to do as he pleases—like date other women. Melissa professes love for Olin as the reason why she’s content with the way things are, but it sounds like something along the lines of, “I’m broke and have no where to go so I’ll deal with whatever to keep this roof over my head.” You also take into account the reality that both Olin and Melissa are extremely insecure. Melissa is into co-dependency, as is both Nick and Olin. Thing is, her co-dependency works way better with Olin than it does Nick, who seems more inclined to grow out of it far sooner than the other two.
In one last chat with Nick, Melissa speaks on them being in two different spaces in their lives. In other words, Nick finished high school and is going to college, whereas Melissa is a high school dropout with no GED and no clear path to success. The more she talks, the more it comes across that as much as cares about Nick, she feels unworthy so she settles for Olin, the pizza delivery guy who at least tells her his true intentions no matter how ugly. Melissa tells Nick to see where they both are after college and take it from there. I can tell you right now that Nick is going to go to school, meet some other women offline in Texas with more self-esteem and it’ll be a wrap for Melissa. Good luck, though, girl.
This Is What Love Is
If there’s ever a Catfish spinoff, I’d like it to be a buddy comedy and potential romantic comedy starring Max and Nev. As soon as I heard one say to the other on the plane, “Stop touching my seat!” I wondered how it is that they aren't dating. I thought that again, during a quick segment where the two attend the Italian Festival in downtown Des Moines. They looked so happy dancing. We need a spinoff, so we can figure out if trout and tilipia are catfishing us when it comes to their relationship.