Image via Complex Original
Tyler Perry is to moviemaking what Adele is to the twerk team, what Nicki Minaj is to operatic singing, and what our beloved Beyoncé is to the Queen’s English.
Yes, he is a shrewd businessman and the manner in which he built champagne dreams off of Chitlin Circuit theater is the stuff of legend, but he is not a great filmmaker. So, even though we readily acknowledge that that Madea reign just won’t let up, if you’re expecting greatness from his latest movie, Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor, you need a refresher on his work. Because Tyler Perry is the worst.
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Written by Michael Arceneaux (@youngsinick)
(For Starrene Rhett Rocque's defense of TP, please see 10 Reasons Why Tyler Perry Alarmists Need to Chill.)
Beefing With Educated Women
No one knows which high-SAT-score-having woman hurt Tyler Perry, but he has a long tradition of vilifying highly educated female characters (see The Family That Preys, Daddy’s Little Girls, For Colored Girls), often depicting them as uppity shrews who emasculate anyone with a working penis within a 10-mile radius. Usually, the solution to their "problem" is for them to pull their heads out of their behinds and into the arms of some blue-collar man who loves the Lord.
Consistent Copycat
No idea is original, but some are better at obscuring their influences than others. Enter Tyler, whose 2012 movie Good Deeds can summarized as "What if The Pursuit of Happyness and Pretty Woman had a baby?" Meanwhile, Perry is currently shooting Single Moms Club, which is like The First Wives Club with—you guessed it—single mothers. What are the chances he'll shoot a miniseries about slavery in America called Soil?
For Colored Girls Who Deserve A Do Over Because That Man Messed Up
Remember when Team Tyler Perry pretended his adaptation of Ntozake Shange's For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf might possibly net the director an Oscar nomination? That was a funny four minutes. Instead of creating a piece of work that respected the beloved choreo-poem, Perry traded nuance for literalism, substance for sensationalism, and forgot to note the joy in womanhood that was muddled in all the melancholy of the play.
Crackheads Don't Have Perfect Teeth
No one is trying to take food out of Keisha Knight-Pulliam's mouth, but when Tyler Perry enlisted her to play Candace Washington in the film adaptation of Madea Goes To Jail, why didn't anyone tap Mr. Perry on the shoulder and say, "Excuse me, King of Georgia, but maybe we shouldn't cast a woman with the whitest, straightest teeth in history to play a cracked-out prostitute?"
He Doesn't Know When To Leave Well Enough Alone
Tyler Perry seemed to be making a positive turnaround with Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? Then came that awful sequel Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too? It's sort of like eating cold pizza, only after you pick off all the toppings, run it under hot water, then rub it on the kitchen floor for flavor. To quote the great Nippy in the sky, "Didn't we almost have it all?"
He Won't Break Up With Melodrama
Yes, Tyler Perry uses his movies to push messages that he and his fans consider positive. That said, sometimes less is more. Especially when drama is concerned (comedy—especially his comedy—often requires the opposite approach). Take it down a notch, my man, because while you may think you're killing it in the drama department, there's a reason why your best work is the stuff that requires you to wear a bra.
He Doesn't Collaborate
Tyler Perry has no shortage great ideas, but his one-man gang approach to filmmaking isn't favorable to said ideas. There's nothing wrong with working with Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike on a movie—especially if teamwork makes the dream work much better. Enlisting someone who could push back against his dogmatic Christianity might be a fine place to start.
He Made Vanessa Williams Go Full Ja-Fake-An
Tyler Perry secures the great talent that is Vanessa Williams for his latest thriller and the end result is somehow convincing her to talk like Doug E. Doug in Cool Runnings. Great job.
He Hired Kim Kardashian to Act
After many a church woman threw shade over Kimberly K's casting in Temptation, Tyler Perry wrote: "Because I believe that my films speak from the inside out, why wouldn't Kim Kardashian be invited into a film about Faith, Forgiveness and the healing power of God. What is wrong with that?"
Survey says: Because she can't act.
Temptation Looks Hilarious
Yes, we know his new movie with the really long title is a thriller, so why do we keep laughing whenever we watch the trailer? I fear that much like his other movies in recent years, you'll spend most of the time thinking "Okay, he's improved" and then—Boom! Splat! Kablooey!—the last 10 minutes will negate all of it. But maybe he'll surprise all of us? Show of hands on that one? Anyone? No?