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Putting together last week’s countdown of The 25 Best Movies Of 2011 was a lot tougher than we anticipated. Though the inclusions and their respective rankings are totally agreeable, trimming down the year’s catalog of films unavoidably left several great ones out to dry, including the indie horror gem Stake Land (the best vampire movie in years), Win Win (the poignant dramedy starring Paul Giamatti), and Pariah (a powerful coming-of-age drama from first-time writer-director Dee Rees). It’s always a drag to rob such deserving films of their rightful praise, but that’s just how it goes.
On the flipside, calling out the bottom of the cinematic barrel is much easier, if not equally as painful (for different reasons). Instead of deliberating long and hard on a final list, the process of compiling The 25 Worst Movies Of 2011 was a breeze, thanks to the irredeemable direness of the directors, producers, screenwriters, and actors responsible for the following stinkers.
Note: The only letdown that we wish had made the cut here: Cars 2. But giving our little brothers, nephews, and sons those Lightning McQueen toys for Christmas made the notion of incorporating Pixar’s worst effort to date feel uncomfortably hypocritical. What can we say—we’re sensitive cynics.
Written by Matt Barone (@MBarone)
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The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1
25. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1
Director: Bill Condon
Stars: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Nikki Reed, Ashley Greene, Peter Facinelli, Elisabeth Reaser, Kellan Lutz, Jackson Rathbone, Julia Jones, Billy Burke, Sarah Clarke, MyAnna Buring, Michael Sheen, Jamie Campbell Bower
To those fanatical Twilight supporters who walked out of Breaking Dawn – Part 1, the series’ fourth, and arguably worst, installment, and said to themselves, “Man, these movies really are bad,” we can only say this: It’s about damn time. And for those other Twi-hards who still don’t realize how poorly made the Kristen Stewart-anchored franchise is, we’re throwing imaginary towels at your faces.
Based on the most provocative of author Stephanie Meyer’s books, acclaimed director Bill Condon’s (Gods And Monsters, Dreamgirls) shameless edition of Teenage Vampire Melodrama doesn’t skimp out on the long-awaited money shots, namely undead Eddie Cullen (Robert Pattinson) giving Bella (Stewart) a C-section with his fangs. But to get to the film’s tolerable scenes (and, admittedly, there are more than expected), one must endure what feels like an eternity’s worth of wedding scenes and honeymoon filler.
About 90 minutes of the movie’s two-hour frame consist of sappy inanity that we’d compare to the worst example of a telenovela, but that would insult the Spanish-speaking soap opera industry. So we’ll leave it at this: Unlike pussyfooted vamp Edward, Breaking Dawn – Part 1, complete with Twilight’s signature brand of stiff acting and hokey storytelling, sucks.
The Ward
24. The Ward
Director: John Carpenter
Stars: Amber Heard, Danielle Panabaker, Mamie Gummer, Lyndsy Fonseca, Mike Boorem, Jared Harris
When The Ward was first announced, horror fans got all hot and bothered. After a decade away from feature films, iconic director John Carpenter (Halloween, Escape From New York, The Thing) was finally jumping back into the genre realm, and he was bringing Amber Heard, this generation’s sexiest mainstream scream queen, along with him.
Little did those waiting in anticipation know that Carpenter had attached himself to a piss-poor script, about a disturbed young woman (Heard) stuck inside an all-girl mental institution in which the co-ed patients keep dying in gruesome ways. For his part, Carpenter actually directs the hell out of The Ward, but his natural abilities are rendered meaningless by characters acting stupidly and the world’s most predictable plot twist. He should’ve just made it an 11-year hiatus.
Zookeeper
23. Zookeeper
Director: Frank Coraci
Stars: Kevin James, Rosario Dawson, Leslie Bibb, Donnie Wahlberg, Joe Rogan, Ken Jeong, and the voices of Nick Nolte, Adam Sandler, Judd Apatow, Cher, Jon Favreau, Maya Rudolph, Don Rickles, Jim Breur
What's the best we can say about Zookeeper? Kevin James deserves much better. And that’s coming from heads who find the plus-sized funnyman’s movies to be about as enjoyable as having a blunt object pummel our genitals. Which, of course, is what James and his Happy Madison backers think makes for a good comedy—it doesn’t. And, yes, James’ crotch gets blasted at least once in Zookeeper. Admittedly, that’s funnier James and a talking gorilla chatting about girls while dining inside a T.G.I. Friday’s.
Trespass
22. Trespass
Director: Joel Schumacher
Stars: Nicolas Cage, Nicole Kidman, Cam Gigandet, Jordana Spiro, Ben Mendelsohn, Liana Liberato, Dash Mihok
Love a good home invasion thriller? Seek out the 2011 Spanish horror flick Kidnapped, a shocking and wholly bleak heart-stopper that will have you triple-locking all of your home’s doors. If Kidnapped is too hardcore for your sensibilities, by no means should you attempt to cleanse the palate with Trespass, a horribly made dud that represents yet another low in Nicolas Cage’s tainted career. Directed by the fallen-off Joel Schumacher, Trespass does include a few side-splitting moments of overacting from Sir Cage, but overall it’s an exhibition of absurd dialogue, clunky exposition, and senseless violence. Though Cage does call someone an “ass-fuck,” which is a minor victory.
The Sitter
21. The Sitter
Director: David Gordon Green
Stars: Jonah Hill, Ari Graynor, Sam Rockwell, J.B. Smoove, Max Records, Landry Bender, Kevin Hernandez, Method Man, Kylie Bunbury
There were funny, talented people involved in the making of The Sitter, most notably star Jonah Hill and director David Gordon Green (Pineapple Express). And, according to its IMDb profile and press releases, it’s billed as a “comedy.” Yet we’re still waiting for someone attached to this laugh-deprived embarrassment to explain why it seems as if no one in The Sitter’s credits had ever watched a funny movie before making it.
The longest 80 minutes of 2011, The Sitter bounces around from one inane sequence after another with an unstoppable barrage of comedic airballs, borderline offensive racial humor, and narrative conveniences. For instance, the avoidance of establishing why a supermodel-esque, warm-hearted black chick would be attracted to a mean, callous, overweight honky like Hill’s character.
Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
20. Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Director: Rob Marshall
Stars: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane, Kevin McNally, Sam Claflin, Astrid Berges-Frisbey, Stephen Graham, Gemma Ward, Richard Griffiths, Keith Richards, Judi Dench
Did the world really need a fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean movie? We’re willing to bet that if you asked Johnny Depp, he’d be as quick to say “Hell no” as the rest of us who suffered through the Disney-backed franchise’s saddest hour, an endless, familiar assault of noisy action and tired Jack Sparrow witticisms. Playing the character he once made appealing and goofily anti-heroic, Depp wanders through On Stranger Tides with nary a hint of excitement—it’s a paycheck assignment, requested by the overlords inside Mickey Mouse’s wealthy kingdom, and Depp knows it.
Conan The Barbarian
19. Conan The Barbarian
Director: Marcus Nispel
Stars: Jason Momoa, Rachel Nichols, Rose McGowan, Stephen Lang, Ron Perlman
Jason Momoa certainly looks the part, and, after watching him body fools on HBO’s Game Of Thrones, there was every reason to believe that the diesel newcomer could handle the physicality of a Conan The Barbarian remake. So color us more than a wee bit flummoxed that Momoa’s efforts to reinvent the legendary character, previously made famous by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the vastly superior 1982 film, were all for naught in this incoherent, empty excuse to splash gore and sword fights onto 3D glasses.
Speaking all of his lines in overdone baritones and mostly acting with his eyebrows and forehead, Momoa does little to rectify Conan The Barbarian’s myriad problems, the majority of which should be credited to the folks behind the camera. If you gave us $100 cash, we couldn’t recount the film’s plot, nor could we name Conan’s arch-nemesis or explain why in Thulsa Doom’s name Morgan Freeman delivers the opening narration. Nor would we ever want to.
Cowboys & Aliens
18. Cowboys & Aliens
Director: Jon Favreau
Stars: Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Olivia Wilde, Paul Dano, Sam Rockwell, Clancy Brown, Keith Carradine, Noah Ringer
Let’s not beat around the bush here: Cowboys & Aliens is 2011’s biggest disappointment. Before we actually saw the film, its pedigree and wild concept left us reeling with anticipation: Jon Favreau, fresh off his two successful Iron Man flicks, directing a genre mash-up that combines the grittiness of old Sergio Leone westerns with the spectacle of the best alien invasion cinema. But the sheer collective inability of Favreau and screenwriters Damon Lindelof, Alex Kurtzman, and Robert Orci to handle the many tonal shifts and plethora of unnecessary peripheral characters ultimately left Cowboys & Aliens feeling strangely amateurish.
Sleeping Beauty
17. Sleeping Beauty
Director: Julia Leigh
Stars: Emily Browning, Rachael Blake, Henry Nixon, Mirrah Foulkes, Ewen Leslie
Beautiful imagery only takes a filmmaker so far, as we learned while struggling to stay awake throughout all 110 dreary, aimless minutes of Julia Leigh’s Sleeping Beauty. Sure, this kinky art-house flick is gorgeously shot and features an abundance of scenes in which a topless, stunning Emily Browning (Sucker Punch) acts as a voluntary submissive. What Sleeping Beauty is missing, though, is even the slightest amount of plot—it’s a film where nothing happens, nothing happens, and then the end credits roll immediately after something kind of happens. All we can tell you is that old dudes pay to sleep next a naked, drugged-up Browning, and it’s nowhere near as hot as your grandfather might think.
Sanctum
16. Sanctum
Director: Alister Grierson
Stars: Rhys Wakefield, Richard Roxburgh, Ioan Gruffudd, Alice Parksinson, Daniel Wyllie, Christopher Baker, Nicole Downs
Between James Cameron's 1989 sci-fi thriller The Abyss, his ocean-set epic Titanic, and the 2005 documentary Aliens Of The Deep, the director has made it crystal clear that he’s obsessed with all things marine and underwater. So it’s admirable that the world’s most successful director would pony up some of his bucks to fund a reasonably small, 3D-compatible, cave-diving adventure like Sanctum. But, much to the chagrin of anyone who paid to see this poppycock, he neglected to hire a director capable of doing more than capture breathtaking scenery, or corral actors able to deliver serious monologues without inducing hysterics in viewers.
I Melt With You
15. I Melt With You
Director: Mark Pellington
Stars: Thomas Jane, Jeremy Piven, Rob Lowe, Christian McKay, Carla Gugino, Sasha Grey, Arielle Kebbel
The intent, however pretentious and overwrought it may be, had potential: Depict the unraveling of four hard-partying, secretly depressed 40-somethings as a visceral, profound dose of art-house filmmaking. In the hands of, say, Darren Aronofsky, I Melt With You’s heavy-handed themes and incredibly dark narrative might have achieved its desired impact, but director Mark Pellington is not in that league. Nor can otherwise enjoyable actors like Jeremy Piven, Thomas Jane, and Rob Lowe do anything to make their totally unsympathetic characters empathetic.
Under Pellington’s unbelievably unsubtle direction, I Melt With You beats its “life sucks for these guys” message over the viewer’s head so badly that its downbeat ending is actually celebratory—you want to see these D-bags die, and, spoiler alert, they all do. Not that you should really give a shit. Something tells us that’s not the reaction that Pellington hoped to inspire.
Green Lantern
14. Green Lantern
Director: Martin Campbell
Stars: Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaard, Mark Strong, Angela Bassett, Tim Robbins
Someday, Green Lantern, one of our all-time favorite comic book superheroes, will get the feature film treatment that he deserves. Until then, however, we’ll try our best to forget about this year’s Ryan Reynolds-led miscalculation, a vapid and maddening exercise in style over substance. Reynolds, to his credit, isn’t the worst choice to play Hal Jordan, but his decision to perform every scene with his typically smug, too-cool-for-school Van Wilder shtick minimizes all of the character interactions.
The moments between flesh-and-blood humans are few and far between, though, as Green Lantern is negatively dominated by overbearing CGI and distracting 3D trickery that makes it hardly acceptable as even a disappointing video game, let alone a satisfying summer blockbuster.
Apollo 18
13. Apollo 18
Director: Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego
Stars: Warren Christie, Lloyd Owen, Ryan Robbins
We’re not about to write off horror’s found-footage subgenre just yet, but Apollo 18 sure as hell made us consider doing so. Taking the overused format and sending it into outer space, Apollo 18 actually hinges on one of the coolest set-ups for the single-camera approach: Twenty-nine-year-old, unearthed footage of a mysteriously forgotten NASA mission to the moon is shown, no questions asked. Naturally, the whole ordeal will devolve into an Alien rip-off, but at least there’s potential for innovative, in-your-face scares.
Well, any such hopes are slowly, boringly diminished as Apollo 18 drifts through its monotonous plot with a pair of uninteresting leads and nonexistent tension. And just when director Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego’s painful trudge feels like it’s about to deliver some extra-terrestrial frights, the moon’s evil creatures are revealed to be little space rocks that sprout legs. We’ve got a moon for you, Mr. Lopez-Gallego, but it’s of the no-pants, underwear-draped-down variety.
New Year's Eve
12. New Year’s Eve
Director: Garry Marshall
Stars: Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, Ashton Kutcher, Lea Michele, Zac Efron, Abigail Breslin, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sofa Vergara, Jon Bon Jovi, Christopher “Ludacris” Bridges, Robert De Niro, Josh Duhamel, Cary Elwes, Til Schweiger, Sarah Jessica Parker, Carla Gugino, Katherine Heigl, Seth Myers, Alyssa Milano
Need evidence that movie stars’ names mean jack-shit, and that good scripts and expert-level direction are what really make films special? Subject yourself to the overloaded romantic comedy nightmare that is New Year’s Eve, a gigantic mess that sucks with the power of nearly 20 notable actors. A hodge-podge of several mini, intertwined love stories, none of which have any emotional impact whatsoever, veteran filmmaker Garry Marshall’s camera merely focuses on attractive, big-name stars riding on presence alone.
So what if Jon Bon Jovi and Katherine Heigl have absolutely no chemistry—it’s Jon fucking Bon Jovi and Katherine fucking Heigl on screen together! And, OMG, it’s Ashton Kutcher and Glee’s Lea Michele in the same shot! And, look, it’s another disgruntled boyfriend breaking up with his girl for dragging him to see this mind-numbing descent into the abyss of uninspired Hollywood money-grubbing.
Dylan Dog: Dead Of Night
11. Dylan Dog: Dead Of Night
Director: Kevin Munroe
Stars: Brandon Routh, Sam Huntington, Taye Diggs, Anita Briem, Peter Stormare, Kurt Angle
Who better to lead a campy horror-comedy than Brandon Routh…wait, what? Playing a private investigator who specializes in hunting down supernatural troublemakers, the man who should never have been Clark Kent is neither funny nor edgy, a double-sided issue that makes everything else in the comic book adaptation Dylan Dog: Dead Of Night have to work that much harder to salvage the proceedings.
Surprise, surprise, none of it works. As Routh’s wise-cracking, undead sidekick, Sam Huntington inadvertently gives Jamie Kennedy some unnecessary competition, and Taye Diggs, miscast as the film’s central villain, tosses nuance aside and enters full-on ham mode. The lackluster vampires, werewolves, and shoddy CGI beasties that fill out the rest of this unsuccessful horror-noir hybrid are even worse. The direct-to-video gods must’ve been sleeping.
The Smurfs
10. The Smurfs
Director: Raja Gosnell
Stars: Neil Patrick Harris, Jayma Mays, Hank Azaria, Sofia Vergara, Tim Gunn, Jonathan Winters, Katy Perry, Fred Armisen, Alan Cumming, Anton Yelchin, George Lopez, Jeff Foxworthy, Paul Reubens, Kenan Thompson, B.J. Novak
Very little in this world is more soul-crushing than helplessly watching a beloved childhood property get bastardized and trivialized into brainless kiddie fare. There’s at least one such piercing of the heart every year, and in 2011 it was The Smurfs that got the shaft. And boy was it a huge shaft.
Retaining virtually nothing from the original animated 1980s TV show, director Raja Gosnell (the same guy who ruined Scooby Doo for all of us with two crappy live-action movies) and his quartet of overpaid screenwriters turned the little blue guys (and gal) into harbingers of product placements and sophomoric comedy. Yes, in case you're wondering, Smurfs do have flatulence, and, no, replacing harsh words with “smurf” (“Where the smurf are we?”—actual dialogue from the movie) is never funny. Smurf you, Hollywood.
Arthur
9. Arthur
Director: Jason Winer
Stars: Russell Brand, Helen Mirren, Greta Gerwig, Jennifer Garner, Luis Guzman, Nick Nolte
Don’t get us wrong—in small doses, Russell Brand is quite funny. He’s an undeniable scene-stealer in the 2008 winner Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and in last year’s Get Him To The Greek, his more dramatic moments actually work better than his goofier ones. But as the star of the show? He’s the Canibus of modern-day Hollywood.
Marred by a completely unfunny and hackneyed script, Brand’s inadequacies are front and center in Arthur, a disposable remake of the favorable 1977 screwball comedy starring Dudley Moore. The flamboyant English livewire oversells every immature punch line and obnoxious sight gag, and when it comes to drama, he can barely keep a straight face, underselling all of Arthur’s lovey-dovey bits with miscast romantic interest Greta Gerwig.
It’s by no means a career-killer, yet Arthur is Brand’s launching pad into the land of perennial character actors.
Abduction
8. Abduction
Director: John Singleton
Stars: Taylor Lautner, Lily Collins, Jason Isaacs, Maria Bello, Sigourney Weaver, Elisabeth Rohm, Michael Nyqvist, Dermot Mulroney
If Taylor Lautner knows what’s good for him, he’ll beg Stephanie Meyer to write more Twilight books, or at least some spin-off novels focused on his Jacob character. Because if John Singleton’s (yes, the Boyz N The Hood filmmaker) unconvincing action flick Abduction is a fair indication, Lautner’s career will disappear with the quickness after next year’s The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 fades away from the public’s conscience.
Not that Singleton gave dude any help, though. Even if it had starred Jason Statham, Abduction would still register as one of the most idiotic and cliché-ridden misfires in recent memory; it’s as if Singleton has never seen a Hollywood action movie before.
Which, sadly, doesn’t absolve Lautner of any blame. Surrounded by tension-free set pieces and a Bourne-Identity-for-underage-simpletons plot, female teenyboppers’ favorite alpaca lookalike spits out dialogue with the verve of a manic depressive. The next Matt Damon, he’s not.
I Am Number Four
7. I Am Number Four
Director: D.J. Caruso
Stars: Alex Pettyfer, Dianna Agron, Teresa Palmer, Kevin Durand, Timothy Olymphant, Callan McAuliffe, Jake Abel
Just what the world needed: Twilight for science fiction nerds. Unsubtly looking to capitalize on the phenomenon that is Stephanie Meyer’s soft-batch vampire franchise, director D.J. Caruso took Pittacus Lore’s (a pseudonym for James Frey and Jobie Hughes) fascinating 2010 novel of the same name, drained out all of its intrigue, cast an utterly unlikeable male lead (newcomer Alex Pettyfer), a beautiful yet lifeless blonde love interest (Glee’s Dianna Agron), and fashioned a chemistry-deficient romance around interplanetary feuds and aliens with X-Men-like superpowers.
The result, a soulless, though expensive-looking, array of inferior performances and run-of-the-mill effects, somehow makes one yearn for Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart. Let that settle in for a minute.
Jack & Jill
6. Jack & Jill
Director: Dennis Dugan
Stars: Adam Sandler, Katie Holmes, Al Pacino, Tim Meadows, Nick Swardson, Allen Covert
Just imagine how much good could be done with $79 million: Impoverished mouths could be fed, kids from financially strapped households could go to school, and teachers could see the salary bumps that they so rightfully deserve. But, no, the good folks at Happy Madison Productions decided to dump all of that cash into a movie in which Adam Sandler dresses as a woman who looks like an NFL linebacker, flirts with a shamefully enabling Al Pacino, and, of course, farts simply for comedic effect. For that, Sandler, Pacino, and everyone else involved with the abysmal Jack & Jill deserve a time-out. And to have heavy bags of money thrown at their crotches with the force of a C.C. Sabathia fastball.
Season Of The Witch
5. Season Of The Witch
Director: Dominic Sena
Stars: Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, Claire Foy, Stephen Graham, Christopher Lee, Stephen Campbell Moore, Robert Sheehan
Based on its title and credits, Season Of The Witch should’ve been the best kind of bad movie. You’ve got Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman—two actors we’d watch in anything, awful or not—playing sword-wielding crusaders fighting a coven of batty women—right? If that’s not a recipe for unintentionally below-average success, we don’t know what is.
And unfortunately, ignorance isn’t always bliss. Despite its lean 90-minute duration, Season Of The Witch is an overlong and dull mish-mash of bored acting (see: Perlman), flip-flops between robotic delivery and hilariously off-base screaming outbursts (see: Cage), and a curious lack of actual witches. Instead, the supernatural villain in hack director Dominic Sena’s cinematic failure is a huge CGI devil so lame that the creatures in the old NES, 8-bit version of Castlevania would laugh in its presence.
Battle: Los Angeles
4. Battle: Los Angeles
Director: Jonathan Liebesman
Stars: Aaron Eckhart, Michael Peña, Lucas Till, Ramon Rodriguez, Ne-Yo, Cory Hardrict, Bridget Moynahan, Michelle Rodriguez
Man, that first Battle: Los Angeles trailer kicked tons of ass, didn’t it? The immediacy of a found-footage movie without the actual camcorder video aesthetic; a legitimately strong actor (Aaron Eckhart) as its star; and violent set pieces that looked tailor-made for big screen spectacle—the initial preview had it all. Against our better judgment, we got excited for what, on the surface, appeared to be nothing more than your typical Independence Day-lite, malevolent-aliens-invade-Earth slice of perfunctory science fiction. Maybe, just maybe, Battle: Los Angeles could revive the stagnant sci-fi subgenre once and for all!
Though the revival did happen, it was courtesy of a little British flick called Attack The Block. In the case of Battle: Los Angeles, space invaders were given the gas face—word to 3rd Bass. Visually, director Jonathan Liebesman’s film plodded by with mediocre special effects and lazily designed aliens (think District 9’s prawns melded with mini Decepticons), and those were the best elements. Eckhart, stuck in a post-Dark Knight cash-grab, cringes through some of the most unintentionally funny monologues of 2011, while his lesser cast-mates interchangeably trade stock character arcs and equally poor dialogue. Again, why didn’t you see Attack The Block?
Larry Crowne
3. Larry Crowne
Director: Tom Hanks
Stars: Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Wilmer Valderrama, Bryan Cranston, Cedric The Entertainer, Taraji P. Henson, George Takei
One can understand why Tom Hanks wanted to make Larry Crowne, the year’s blandest film, directed by and starring Mr. Hanks. While writing the script with Nia Vardalos, Tommy boy exerted very little energy, or so it seems based on the movie’s lack of a point, any dramatic weight, or a plot that resonates beyond surface-level character motivations. And when it came time to direct the picture, Hanks called upon an eclectic ensemble to kick back, earn some easy money, and coast through Larry Crowne’s uneventful screenplay.
But it shouldn’t have been so unbearably fluffy for the audience. Larry Crowne stars two of Hollywood’s biggest, most respected talents (Hanks and Julia Roberts) and deals with a timely, hot-button issue (unemployment due to recession cutbacks)—so why does it have the emotional impact and pathos of an iCarly episode?
Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star
2. Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star
Director: Tom Brady
Stars: Nick Swardson, Christina Ricci, Don Johnson, Stephen Dorff, Kevin Nealon, Edward Hermann, Mario Joyner, Nick Turturro
It really does pay to be Adam Sandler’s friend. Just look at the career of Nick Swardson, a marginally humorous comedian whose attempts at leading man credibility have been laughable for all the wrong reasons. Case in point: Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star, a Sandler-produced compendium of obvious jokes about dicks and ass, a gang of brutally obnoxious characters, and the unfortunate experience of watching Christina Ricci’s self-respect slowly evaporate with each frame.
Aside from the underrated Grandma’s Boy, Swardson has never been funny, not even in the his smaller, Sandler movie roles—he’s the sole reason why the Sandman’s barely tolerable 2011 rom-com Just Go With It was under consideration for this list, frankly. As Bucky Larson, a boob who achieves adult film infamy due to his unbelievably tiny pecker, Swardson works extra hard to sell a litany of childish punch lines and appalling scenarios (i.e., a young Bucky learning to masturbate while watching one of his former porn star parents’ films), all co-written by the man himself, no less. Needless to say, he failed…miserably.
The Hangover Part II
1. The Hangover Part II
Director: Todd Phillips
Stars: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Ken Jeong, Jamie Chung, Paul Giamatti, Mason Lee, Justin Bartha, Sasha Barrese, Jeffrey Tambor
The sequel’s hefty box office intake, $255 million domestic, says otherwise, but, yes, ladies and gentleman, The Hangover Part II is the worst movie of the year. Why, exactly? Though we’d truthfully need a 1,000 word allotment to fully explain its awfulness, let’s give it a condensed shot here.
Ignoring the fat paychecks cashed in by returning stars Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, and Zach Galifianakis, as well as director Todd Phillips, the Wolfpack’s second misadventure is infuriating on a purely imaginative level. Or lack thereof, since The Hangover Part II regurgitates damn near everything from the original, actually funny 2009 blockbuster. Knowing that the film would make insane amounts of money, Phillips and company basically insulted ticket-buyers worldwide by slogging through a lazy, mean-spirited “comedy” that only aims to stretch itself when plunging into darker territories.
And even those moments of anarchy (such as wacko Alan shooting up a strip club) fall Kate-Moss-flat. It’s enough to make us loathe Todd Phillips for his indifference toward matters like creativity and narrative progression. But dude made sick bank off of this money-hoarder of a shitty follow-up, so we’re guessing he’ll wipe away any tears with fresh Benjamins.