Image via Complex Original
The temperature's dropping, the holiday ballads are bumping, and the bell-ringing Salvation Army St. Nicks are attacking blocks nationwide. That's right, 'tis the season...for dudes dressed as Santa Claus to break the law.
While the storybooks that we grew up on depicted Señor Claus as a jolly soul who annually delivers presents to children around the world, we can't help but notice that the real deal seems to get himself into quite a bit of trouble. Around this time every year, a surprising number of headlines regularly surface about Father Christmas scoring himself DUIs, flashing innocent bystanders, and even attempting armed robbery. Not to mention, SantaCon.
Hide your kids. Hide your wife. Before you do, though, see just what the criminal Kringles are capable of with these 15 Memorable Bad Santa Arrests.
Drunk Driving (In a G-String)
Year: 2007
Location: Hollywood, Calif.
Sure, you've heard of a DWI, but what about the more elusive DWC (Driving While Cross-dressing)? On Christmas Day in 2007, a boozed-up St. Nick imposter was apprehended for the latter after taking a wasted joyride down to Grauman's Chinese Theater in Hollywood. Though the guy might've been rocking a Santa hat, those who got a bit closer quickly noticed that in place of the typical jolly red suit was a purple G-string (topped off with a lacy red camisole). Hot.
After tests showed that the man's blood-alcohol levels were above the legal limit, he was taken to jail before being released on $5,000 bail. However, to ease any worries you might have about Santa's true identity, a deputy from the police department helpfully volunteered, "We are pretty sure this is not the Santa Claus."
And there you have it.
[via LAist]
Protesting Saint
Year: 2014
Location: Sacramento, Calif.
On Black Friday, Santa was arrested yet again. No, it wasn't a fight over the last of the heavily discounted barbecues or televisions—this Santa was attained for protesting. Michelle Pariset, wearing a Santa suit, joined 300 other protestors outside a Rancho Cordova, Calif., Walmart to fight for better labor rights.
Failure to disperse out of the street lead to nearly 40 arrests. Pariset, the last of the arrests, told the Washington Post, "The officer who finally arrested me said, 'I’ve never arrested Santa Claus before.'" He's lucky he wasn't around for the hooligans listed above.
[via Washington Post]
Public Intoxication
Year: 2009
Location: Sparta, Wis.
Speaking of wasted Santas, another inebriated Father Christmas was taken away by Sparta cops in December 2009. According to reports, the bearded bringer of gifts stumbled out of his car and into a yard where some little kids were playing. While he didn't frighten them all with a G-string, he did proceed to start hugging them and demanding to know where his reindeer were, prompting one's mom watching from inside to call the police.
Per 9-year-old witness Katie, "I knew it wasn't the real Santa because Santa doesn't drink alcohol."
We don't know if we'd go that far, kiddo.
[via WEAU]
Trespassing and Resisting Arrest
Year: 2011
Location: Destin, Fla.
When Destin, Fla., officers gave Santa look-a-like Edmund Berkeley Barksdale shit for trespassing in Clement E. Taylor park, the incensed culprit decided to return the favor a little more literally. After receiving instructions to stay away from the locale due to previous infractions, Barksdale was caught roaming there by an Okaloosa County deputy, who tried to place him under arrest.
Rather than turning himself over, however, the bearded one resisted, replying, "I can't put my hands down my back because I'm making a bowel movement." Within seconds, the grimy Claus doppelgänger reached into his shorts and showed the officer the results. Luckily, backup arrived on the scene soon after and no additional crap was taken.
[via Miami New Times]
Aggravated Battery
Year: 2010
Location: Chicago
Intoxicated Christmas shopping is rarely a good idea. Adam Klimek, sporting a Santa hat and faux fur coat, was asked to leave a store called Brown Elephant (probably for the best) in Chicago after he was reportedly walking around swearing at other customers. When an employee attempted to escort the questionably drunk Klimek off the premises, however, he apparently shoved them and made a run for it.
Once arresting officers caught up with him about a block away, he proceeded to spit in the face of one and kick him in the shin before being carted off.
[via Huffington Post]
The Nightmare Way Before Christmas
Year: 2014
Location: St. Paul, Minn.
Santa Claus might not be real, but for at least one night this year, he was undead.
Brock Quinn Johnson, dressed in a Santa suit and wearing zombie make-up, wandered into a house in St. Paul, Minn., while intoxicated, scaring two teenage residents who were home alone. The drunk 21-year-old then vomited on himself and fell asleep on the couch. Johnson was arrested for trespassing. He must have come in the through the chimney.
[via The Smoking Gun]
Petty Larceny
Year: 2011
Location: Charlotte, N.C.
Santa impostor John Anthony Hunter attempted to rip off locals while posting in front of a Charlotte grocery store. Wearing a shotty Santa hat and claiming to be a rep from Toys for Tots, the organization that collects playthings for kids around the holidays, Hunter stood outside attempting to solicit money from passersby.
While reports indicate that Hunter potentially could've made it out of there without getting apprehended, his last-minute, crackhead-esque urge to try and make off with one of the store's shopping carts ended up getting the best of him.
[via WBTV]
Dropping Trou In Front of Mall Shoppers
Year: 2005
Location: Salem, N.H.
In what might take the prize for the creepiest arrest on this list, a phony mall Santa by the name of Richard Mullen was spotted roaming around the Rockingham Park shopping center and dropping his trousers in front of kids and onlookers in December 2005. Thankfully the guy was sporting some red sweatpants beneath his holiday garb, but his efforts to pass the stunt off as a Christmas prank fell flat on skeeved-out police.
In a last attempt to spread the holiday terror cheer, Mullen dropped his pants for an incoming couple as he was escorted from the premises.
We knew there was a reason we never trusted mall Santas.
[via Democratic Underground]
Attempted Abduction
Year: 2009
Location: Brook Park, Ohio
In December 2009, Kris Kringle impersonator Anthony Russo was arrested after a botched attempt to abduct a 12-year-old girl on her way to school. Armed with a box of candy canes and a unicycle (your guess is as good as ours), the Christmas creeper apparently hid in the bushes before lunging at the old-enough-to-know-better pre-teen. After breaking free of his arm grab, the girl smartly made her way over to the nearest store and reported the incident, leading to the would-be snatcher's arrest on an RTA bus.
Forget the cookies and milk—it looks like jail time is more likely on the menu for this faux St. Nick.
[via Cleveland Metro Blog]
Attacking a 74-Year-Old Woman
Year: 2004
Location: Atlanta, Ga.
An Atlanta mall Santa was taken away by cops after allegedly knocking a 74-year-old woman unconscious with a 2x4 wooden board. The reason? She apparently tried to swipe $145 worth of his Hershey's chocolates.
Though the man tried to ditch the suit in efforts to get rid of the evidence, he was spotted fast and charged with two counts of aggravated assault. And hopefully smacked across the face with the world's biggest Hershey's bar.
[via ABC]
Minor Offense
Year: 2010
Location: Mayflower, Ark.
We retract our previous statement: This one definitely takes the cake for all-time creepiest Santa seizure. A cop posing as a 13-year-old girl on the Yahoo! Messenger service cuffed 50-year-old James Gray Daniel after he attempted to solicit the faux teenager for sex and proposed a meeting in his Mayflower, Ark., hood. Once the creeper arrived, he found himself face-to-face with the fuzz, admitting to them shortly after that he'd worked as a mall Santa for years.
[via The Cabin]
Armed Robbery
Year: 2011
Location: St. Nicholas, Fla.
Ho, ho, ho-ly shit!
In what feels like a move dreamed up by a more gangster version of The Grinch, one bad Santa decided it was about time he was on the receiving end when it came to Christmas loot in December 2010, and robbed a bank in, where else, St. Nicholas, Fla.
Clad in a brown leather jacket and a red-and-white Santa hat (the rest of the suit must not have been in his budget), the not-to-be-fucked-with holiday bandit fired shots from his silver semi-automatic into the ceiling to get his point across.
And you thought your visits to the bank sucked.
[via WJXT]
Chalk It Up
Year: 2012
Location: Austin, Texas
Who knew chalking the ground was illegal? Apparently not Santa.
In 2012, James Peterson, better known as Santa Claus when he’s donning a red suit and white beard, was arrested outside of the Texas Capitol building in Austin. After a morning of spreading holiday cheer by giving chalk to children to write their "wishes for a better world," Peterson was handcuffed while crying out, "I was being nice, what’s wrong with being nice?" If anyone knows what it means to be nice, it’s Santa.
The crowd, all set to have a jolly old time, looked on in shock as their beloved Saint Nick was put away. One saddened onlooker even scribbled “Free Santa” on the ground—he was subsequently also arrested.
[via Huffington Post]
Christmas Wish
Year: 2013
Location: Washington, D.C.
One Santa had his own Christmas list and went to the only person who could grant his wish: the President of the United States.
In December 2013, Santa, who's evidently a Ralph Nader supporter, came to the gate of the White House in Washington, D.C. and read a poem asking for President Obama to raise the minimum wage for federal workers. He refused to leave until his wish was granted, but the police intervened and arrested him. Props must be given to the young man who stayed in character and spoke in rhyme even while the handcuffs were being put on his wrists.
The wish has still not been granted. Poor Santa.
[via YouTube]
Police Escort
Year: 2014
Location: Aberdare, Wales
A police escort sounds like a classy way to leave an event. That is, unless everyone thinks you just got arrested.
At the end of a Christmas parade in Wales recently, Santa promptly hopped into a police van and was escorted away. The crowd was distraught and confused, despite this being planned. Children were even crying that they wouldn’t get their gifts. How selfish! Santa, put them on the naughty list.
[via The Mirror]