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In the new romantic comedy What's Your Number? (in theaters this Friday), Anna Faris goes on a mission to track down "the ones that got away" by revisiting all of her previous failed relationships. Watching the flick's trailer, we couldn't help but take a stroll down a memory lane of our own.
Faris' character, a desperate gal who fears perennial singlehood, makes the executive decision to look for love in all the wrong places (again), which got us thinking about some of the finest exercises in poor judgment unleashed by our favorite big and small-screen characters; more specifically, the crazy exes, bootycalls, and paramours that we wish got just a little more airtime.
Our picks run the gamut from entertainingly eccentric to straight-up scary, but they all share one thing in common: hotness. Some lack common sense, others lack consciences, but the last thing these sexy scene-stealers are is boring. In honor of our favorite blasts from the past, check out the the 10 Hottest Crazy Exes From Movies And TV.
10. Lara Flynn Boyle as Stacy in Wayne’s World (1992)
“If you’re not careful, Wayne, you’re gonna lose me.”
Thank God that didn’t happen. Come to think of it, we aren’t convinced that Wayne’s Campbell’s (Mike Myers) crazy ex would ever let it.
As the title character’s relentless former fling, Stacy, the impressively poised Lara Flynn Boyle brings some of the movie's biggest laughs, whether she’s presenting her resistant ex-boyfriend with an unwanted gun rack or crashing headfirst into a car while waving to him from her bike. There are numerous points throughout Wayne's World where you can’t help but wonder how they ever dated in the frst place—and then she stops talking.
9. Anna Faris as Ally Darling In What’s Your Number? (2011)
We’ve had love for comedic cutie Anna Faris ever since Scary Movie, but we’ve got to admit that her list-inspiring character, Ally Darling, leaves something to be desired. What’s Your Number? appears to have the star revisiting every last one of her previous relationships (literally) to see if any of her dudes have become more appealing over the years, possibly evolving into her soulmate.
As ridiculous as some of her fellas may seem, the premise that a girl would actually initiate this undertaking makes her seem crazier than the rest of her exes by far. Plus, come on—one look at the trailer makes it blatantly obvious she’s going to realize that her boo, a best friend played by Chris Evans, has been right under her nose all along. Place your bets now.
8. Mariana Klaveno as Lorena Krasiki in True Blood (2008-2010)
When we were first introduced to vampire Bill Compton’s (Stephen Moyer) maker and former lady, Lorena (Mariana Klaveno), she was luring dying soldiers into her house, baiting them with sex, and hanging their severed noggins on her wall like moose heads—all in attempts to find love, of course.
While wholesome patriot Bill didn’t succumb to her, uh, charms right off the bat, a little draining of his blood and turning him into a killing machine like her finally made him see the error of his ways. After centuries of traveling the world, feeding and screwing (not a bad life, if you ask us), though, sassy waitress Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) entered the picture and shot everything to hell.
Despite her best assassination and kidnapping attempts (not to mention some head-twisting sex), there was no seizing the spotlight back from Bill’s new lady of choice, or his boring new path of righteousness. That's okay, Lorena. We’d still do bad things with you."
7. Krysten Ritter as Jane Margolis in Breaking Bad (2009-2010)
Breaking Bad’s girl-next-door couldn’t have been further from the archetype—and we wouldn’t have it any other way. Sweet and approachable aren’t exactly words we'd use to categorize Jesse Pinkman’s (Aaron Paul) smoldering neighbor, Jane (Krysten Ritter), who proved to be more of a "crazy ex" in the trifling sense than the literal as one of the first (but far from the last) characters to drive a stake into his relationship with Walter White (Bryan Cranston).
In addition to bringing some much-appreciated eye candy to the show (no offense, Skyler and Wendy the Prostitute), Ritter also brought danger in the forms of influential heroin speedballing habits and blackmail threats. Still, we could OD on Jane’s Season Two appearances all year long.
6. Salma Hayek as Elisa in 30 Rock (2009)
Could you overlook a fiance’s murderous past? Now what if she looked like Salma Hayek? That’s exactly what we thought. When it comes to Jack Donaghy’s (Alec Baldwin) former engagement to his mother’s nurse, Elisa (who butchered her ex after she caught him cheating), well, we can’t really blame the guy. Besides, if you’re getting caught fucking around when you have the good fortune of waking up next to a perfect ten like Hayek, you might as well be taken out on principle.
5. Annabella Sciorra as Gloria Trillo in The Sopranos (2001-2004)
There always seemed to be an unspoken rule on The Sopranos that the hotter the "goomar," the more unstable she’d officially turn out to be. We can’t think of a better example than Tony’s former fling Gloria (Annabella Sciorra), the beautiful Mercedes dealer he meets in his therapist’s waiting room. Sciorra’s side chick wasn’t your typical batshit beauty, however; the actress earned an Emmy nod for her portrayal of the complex character.
While Tony initially finds himself attracted to Gloria’s independence, it isn’t long before he starts seeing another side to her. She becomes needy, her mood swings become increasingly dramatic, and she ultimately gets a little too familiar. After T finds out about her seizing an opportunity to drive his wife home from the car dealership, he breaks it off, sending her into her biggest frenzy yet, where she tries to provoke him into killing her. Damn, girl!
4. Jaime Murray as Lila Tournay in Dexter (2007)
Relationships with girls in recovery never seem to work out, do they? From the moment the camera panned over to a mysterious raven-haired señorita at Dexter Morgan’s (Michael C. Hall) Narcotics Anonymous meeting, you knew he was in trouble. Just as manipulative as she was seductive, it wasn’t hard for the smooth-talking Lila Tournay (Jaime Murray) to lure our favorite serial killer away from his sweet, yet bland girlfriend (Julie Benz) with her sultry accent, minimal clothing, and ultimately, her ability to see past his exterior without freaking.
The two dug each other’s “darkness,” and, just as stories like this tend to go, they boned like rabbits before Dexter finally realized his new ladyfriend was out of her mind. While she initially did a fair job at convincing viewers that the title character might’ve met his match, the fact that one unanswered phone call led Lila to set her own loft on fire made us realize that her days were numbered. After all, we assume Dexter can only have so many loons sharing the sociopathic spotlight. Too bad for us.
3. Cameron Diaz as Julie Gianni in Vanilla Sky (2001)
In a way, we all owe Cameron Diaz’s psychotic Vanilla Sky character some thanks. In 2001, men across the country secretly smiled on the inside after Paramount Pictures tossed male viewers the bone of allowing us, just for a few hours, to be more physically attractive than Tom Cruise during his peak lady-killing days. Who could forget that mug, which would inspire countless cultural references, and more importantly, lyrics that would result in the rise of Kanye West?
In the bad decision of a lifetime, David Aames (Cruise) opts to hop in a car with his ex-girlfriend, Julie (Diaz), after she passive-aggressively chides him about the sex he isn’t having with his new love interest (Penelope Cruz) and encourages him to join her for a little no-strings-attached afternoon delight. Afternoon terror is probably more accurate.
Not long after he jumps in, she begins to have a nervous breakdown about her unreturned feelings, reaching heights of neurosis when she ominously asks Aames, “Do you believe in God?” In Vanilla Sky’s most memorable scene, his otherwise smoking hot ladyfriend drives them both off a bridge, leaving her dead and the movie’s protagonist severely disfigured. Gentleman, let this serve as a cautionary tale: Messing with exes is never without its complications.
2. Rebecca Gayheart as Brenda Bates in Urban Legend (1998)
If there’s one thing we’ve learned from horror movies, it's the fact that if you’re getting buns or living it up as the crew’s token ethnic friend, you’re probably up first on the chopping block. A second lesson learned: Any character with the last name “Bates” is likely to be a wee bit deranged.
Unlike some of the other fine ladies to grace our list, however, viewers aren’t actually exposed to (SPOILER ALERT) Urban Legend killer Brenda’s (Rebecca Gayheart) wild side until the very end of the movie. In essence, the flick tells the tale of a college campus rocked by a series of urban legend-inspired murders, though no one seems to have bigger target on their back than sexy scholar Natalie Simon (Alicia Witt). One by one, her friends are offed in equally gruesome and clever killings that involve (but aren’t limited to) a head getting hacked off by a backseat predator, a forced imbibing of a Pop Rocks and Draino cocktail, and the bloody murder of nympho roommate in the dark, whose screeches were mistaken for rough sex.
As the big finish grew nearer and nearer, we waited for a herby chem student or some snaggletoothed janitor to step out of the shadows and explain the rationale behind their murderous actions. A big surprise came, however, when the murderer shed his (or, in this case, her) parka to reveal the identity of Natalie's best friend (Gayheart). Homegirl was apparently seeking revenge on Natalie’s crew after her fiancé was killed in a high-beam-flashing prank gone wrong. Oh, Brenda, you slay us.
1. Eihi Shiina as Asami Yamazaki in Audition (1999)
Who’d ever guess that someone so easy on the eyes could be so unbearable to watch? In Takashi Miike’s torture porn-infused Audition, we witness a lonely, albeit sketchy, widower Shigeharu's (Ryo Ishibashi) search for love via mock movie auditions conceived by a producer friend to help him find a new dame. So who does he find? The lovely and endearingly shy Asami Yamazaki (Eihi Shiina).
Sure, her references are all unreachable, former acquaintances of hers have a habit of going missing, and she might also live in an apartment literally furnished with a phone and a potato sack, but hey, she’s hot! Why should any of that stand in the way of love? Against his better judgment, Shigeharu starts seeing her, unaware of the fact that there's a dismembered man inside the aforementioned sack who crawls around like a dog, and is kept alive only by the food she vomits up for him. Welcome to wonderfully batshit world of Japanese horror movies!
When Shigeharu does finally have his grand revelation about who she is, it’s too late. In a neverending torture scene that puts Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs ear-cutting to shame, the beautiful Yamazaki sticks needles in and around her former lover’s eyes and stomach before hacking off his foot with a wire saw, all while giggling. Yeah, we’ll pass, thanks.