Image via Complex Original
We've been down here in Austin, maintaining a steady buzz, and catching the wide array of films SXSW has to offer. And as we pointed out earlier this week, there is a lot to keep track of.
So we enlisted the most discerning film viewer we know, reality TV star and film buff Spencer Pratt, to review some of the SXSW films for us. He dropped his thoughts on some movies on Monday, even more on Wednesday, and he's back at it again. Keep in mind, Spencer hasn't actually seen any of these films, but he's a man of gut reactions and intensely strong first impressions. So feel safe knowing that the following is an absolutely correct assessment of these films.
To read more SXSW 2016 coverage, click here.
Beware the Slenderman
Starring: N/A (Documentary)
Our Synopsis: You know about the bogeyman, Slenderman? He's really tall, thin, and faceless, and he haunts children. Well this is a documentary about two 12-year-old kids who tried to murder their best friend because they believed the Slenderman told them to do so. The girl survived but the documentary is all about the attempted murderers with talking heads from their parents.
Spencer's Review: Oh! This story is fucked up. I am not feeling that. I can’t see movies about little kids killing little kids. I’m not down with murderers. I’ve seen enough murder in Making a Murderer. I’ve wasted like 20 hours of my life and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Slenderman sounds like some witchcraft, voodoo. I would choke the shit out of Slenderman. You said he’s super skinny? That’s my chance right there. I’m fat. That’s my edge. I’ll put my burrito heat on him.
Tower
Starring: N/A (Documentary)
Our Synopsis: We are starting out with some dark documentaries. This is about the 1966 campus shooting at the University of Texas when a sniper shot people from atop of a tower and killed and wounded a bunch of people. The doc uses animation because there’s not a lot of found footage to recreate the story and they got survivors to talk about the shooting.
Spencer's Review: I’m pretty over doing any of these mass shooter movies, giving it attention or press. I don’t really like them getting their stories told. That’s why they do it, for attention type shit. I don’t know. Is Complex paying for your therapy, making you see all these dark-ass movies? You should talk to medical because I was pushing it with sausages as an animation movie, but little animated piece of shit shooter asshole? I don't know.
Shovel Buddies
Starring: Bella Thorne, Kian Lawley, Alex Neustaedter
Our synopsis: Bella Thorne's brother dies in the movie and his best friend falls in love with her. They try to honor the brother's final wish, which was made on Snapchat: to be buried in his favorite football jersey.
Spencer's Review: I already love that movie. Bella Thorne! Hello! Let’s talk about Bella Thorne movies. She’s on Team Speidi. So I’m on Team Thorne. I already love this idea and I love Snapchat. I got in a big argument with my mom. She told me she wants to be cremated and scattered out to sea at my favorite surf spot. I’m like, “Yo. Mom. I don’t want to be surfing in your ashes.” She’s like, “I’m going to make your sister do it.” Bella Thorne retweeted my tweets and Heidi’s. So once you give me social media love, I’m a team player here. I don’t take retweets for granted like some other people.
Under the Shadow
Starring: Narges Rashidi, Avin Manshadi
Our Synopsis: This is a horror film. Have you seen The Babadook? It’s basically the Iranian The Babadook. It’s about a woman and her child living in Tehran in the '80s while the father is away at war. Weird things start happening, like the daughter starts seeing ghosts and she gets really sick and somehow the doctors can’t figure it out. Her doll goes missing. The neighbor warns the mother that this demon thing called Djinn is trying to possess her soul.
Spencer's Review: Is this a trick question? No, I have not seen The Babadook. I watch reality shows. I liked that horror movie with that girl trapped in the house though. I think it’s The Intruders? I wish I had that disease where I couldn’t leave the house, like the girl in the movie. So when Heidi's like, “Take out the trash" I’m like "No!!” Did you pick the most obscure movies to see? I want to make a damn movie and it’s going to blow all of these movies out of the water. Just saying.
Miles Ahead
Starring: Don Cheadle, Ewan McGregor, Emayatzy Corinealdi
Our Synopsis: Don Cheadle directed and stars in this biopic about Miles Davis. He was a really famous musician and of course stepping out on his wife. Ewan McGregor plays the journalist who is interviewing him.
Spencer's Review: I don’t know, I think if you are into these people you are more interested in it. But I love Nirvana and I still haven’t watched that Kurt Cobain documentary. But I did watch the Justin Bieber documentary! Hello! I’ll be honest, I’m a huge Taylor Swift fan, but I have not seen her documentary. She’s such a genius. I was like, how am I a huge Taylor Swift fan, love the new album, and have not seen that? And then you are going to ask me if I’m going to see, with all due respect to Don Cheadle, his new movie about some music of a generation I’m not a part of? I don’t listen to Miles Davis. I listen to Taylor Swift. Long story short, if you like Miles Davis, I don’t know.
Jean of the Joneses
Starring: Taylour Paige, Sherri Shepherd, Erica Ash, Gloria Reuben
Our Synopsis: It’s about a family of strong-minded women called the Joneses. They find out the father figure died, and some didn’t even know he existed. The film follows this one main girl, Jean, who starts dating the paramedic who took her dad in the ambulance. She also navigates family drama and real-life problems. It's also a good film for diversity, since it's about a family of black women.
Spencer's Review: Is it anything like Keeping Up With the Joneses with Mulder? Because I love that movie. [Ed. note: That was just called Joneses.] I don’t know, you lost me a long time ago in that description. Did you say it has diversity in it? Because I am Team Jada-Pinkett. If there’s some diversity in the film I’m going to have to support it. Did Charlie McDowell direct it? He’s my favorite indie comedy director right now. He's my BFF from 8th grade.
Hardcore Henry
Starring: Haley Bennett, Tim Roth, Sharlto Copley
Our Synopsis: It's like a choose your own adventure movie. It’s about this guy who has basically been fucking destroyed and has been rebuilt into this killing machine. He has to kill all these people to figure out what is going on. Then there’s this whole conspiracy behind it, of course. It’s basically like watching yourself play Call of Duty, but a movie. You never see what the guy looks like, you are just seeing it from his perspective. It’s super violent.
Spencer's Review: Do I get to see the guy bust action moves? Who does he work for? If he’s team CIA, I’m all about that. But if he is killing good guys… This movie is super deep. I guess I could pretend it’s Ava from Ex Machina. I can be like, “It’s Ava in the real world.” It sounds like a RoboCop conspiracy. Usually I'm like who is the star? If you said it is Hardcore Henry starring Jennifer Lawrence all indie style, like Winter’s Bone Jennifer Lawrence level, and she was killing everyone—now you have my new Hunger Games dream. I don’t know if I just want to see hands and legs. I just think Jennifer Lawrence is Hardcore Henry.