Image via Complex Original
For three years and six seasons, MTV's hit reality television show Jersey Shore was must-see TV. Taking a group of mostly-Italian twenty-somethings and dropping them into a house on the Jersey Shore was a recipe for disaster, and a ratings bonanza. The cast hit Barbara Walters' list of "Most Fascinating People" in 2010, and not only spawned two MTV spin-offs (Snooki & J-Woww and The Pauly D Project), but created a formula that spread overseas, with remakes like Geordie Shore in the UK, as well as shows in Russia, Spain, and Poland.
The brilliance of the show was its outrageousness. No show has had an enigma like a Snooki on it, and America had never been able to fall in love with a Pauly D before. Villainous characters like The Situation would ignite the internet, but there was even a chill side to his mania. While there was a host of controversy involving their stay at the Shore (which included Snooki getting assaulted, a moment that made an episode), even the residents couldn't take their eyes of the cast's antics. You might be standing on the opposite side of the "guido"/"guidette" stigma, but you can't front: NO ONE was saying things like "GTL," "smush," or "DTF" until the Shore blew up.
While there hasn't been a shortage of reality shows on television, none of them have done it quite like Jersey Shore, and it might be years before another program reaches the show's heights. The question is, who's the best character on the series? We grabbed a couple pitchers of Ron Ron Juice, turned up some house music, and came up with the definitive ranking of the Jersey Shore cast. Blow your grenade whistle and let's get to it.
10. Ronnie
Government Name: Ronnie Ortiz-Magro
Hometown: Bronx, NY
Age/Zodiac Sign: 30, Sagittarius
Best moment: The Boardwalk fight
Most infamous moment: The bedroom freakout that resulted in Sammi surfing on her bed
Catchphrase: "Never fall in love at the Jersey Shore."
Not only was Ronnie a total snoozefest, but he was emotionally and verbally abusive to his girlfriend Sammi, and without her he wouldn’t have even had a storyline. What could Ronnie have possibly said or done that convinced MTV he would be a good roommate/cast member? Maybe it was his muscles? His love for Ed Hardy? Him swearing he would never fall in love at the Jersey Shore (LULZ!!!!!)? IDFK, but his quick temper and abusive relationship with Sam was too toxic for anyone to enjoy. Part of me thinks if the cameras hadn’t been around things could’ve gotten realllllly ugly between the two of them. And when he wasn’t wreaking havoc on Sammi’s life? He was three-way kissing grenades at the club. He also had an uncanny inability to EVER see when he was at fault. Pass the Ron-Ron juice, NEXT. —Katherine Calvert
9. Angelina
Government Name: Angelina Pivarnick
Hometown: Staten Island, NY
Age/Zodiac Sign: 30, Cancer
Best moment: Leaving
Most infamous moment: Moving in with trash bags
Catchphrase: "Um, hello!"
If it wasn't for Ronnie and how he treated Sammi throughout the series, Angelina would've been at the bottom. There was something about her personality that just didn't click with the rest of the group, and it showed instantly. She's already standoff-ish, and had delusions of being Angelina Jolie-like (to the point where she tried and failed to get "Jolie" as her nickname). And she ended up rubbing EVERYONE the wrong way. After an early dismissal in season one, which included not even facing Danny about being a no-show at work, she returned to the group in Miami for season two, but never got right with the rest of the housemates. Not only did she drunkenly hit Pauly D (which is a trip on a number of levels), she had a verbal argument with Vinny before coming to blows with Snooki. And then she was gone, again. While it's terrible to call someone literal trash, Angelina is truly one of the hardest individuals to feel sorry for on Jersey Shore. —khal
8. Danny
Government Name: Danny Merk
Hometown: Seaside Heights, NJ
Age: 36
Best moment: Kicking Angelina out of the house
Most infamous moment: When Vinny jacked his girl
Catchphrase: "Ready to make some sales?"
When the housemates entered the Jersey Shore home, Danny was not only was the landlord of their Shore home, but he owned The Shore Store where they worked. As we saw with Angelina, working in the t-shirt shop was detrimental to living in the house, and while Danny was a hard-ass on the roommates at times, he was also pretty chill. Truth be told, we only got to see so much of Danny throughout the series, but when it comes to personalities on the show, he's much more than an also-ran; he's the cool boss who isn't afraid to put you in your place. He might end up buying you a drink later that evening, too.
For those who are interested, The Shore Store survived both Hurricane Sandy and the fires on the Boardwalk, and they ship internationally. —khal
7. Deena
Government Name: Deena Nicole Cortese
Hometown: New Egypt, NJ
Age/Zodiac Sign: 29, Capricorn
Best moment: Introducing the world to the "Jersey Turnpike"
Most infamous moment: Getting arrested
Catchphrase: "Blast in a glass" / "Merrrrrrrrrp"
You almost had to feel for Deena. After two seasons of Angelina being in and eventually out of the group's good graces (and home), Deena came in as the new roomie in season three. A friend of Snooki's, she had a lot of Snooki-like qualities, including getting all kinds of liquored up, as well as doing the damn thing on the dance floor. It didn't take Deena long to become a part of the squad—she was so in with the guys that she was able to hit the clubs with M.V.P. on the reg—and while her "blast in a glass" catchphrase got old fast, she was genuinely a sweet individual who would ride for her friends. She didn't have as impactful of a role in the group as others, but keep it 100: You'd definitely have a great time if she was in your crew. —khal
6. Sammi
Government Name: Samantha Rae Giancola
Hometown: Hazlet, NJ
Age/Zodiac Sign: 29, Pisces
Best moment: Getting a good hit in on J-Woww
Most infamous moment: Punching Ronnie in the face
Catchphrase: "I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet."
God, Samantha, "the sweetest bitch we’ve ever met." Where do I even start? Half of me felt terrible for her, the other half of me was like, “WHYYYY???” Her storyline solely centered around her abusive relationship with Ronnie and occasional drama with Jenni. Look, we’ve all been there. We’ve all liked someone who is totally wrong for us and held out hope that they’d change but trust me, IT. DOES. NOT. HAPPEN. HE CALLED HER THE “C” WORD FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. Sammi could never cut the cord with Ronnie or get over Miami, and thus spent her time in the house bitter and miserable. She also had a condescending air about her that turned viewers off. She never cleaned or cooked, and could be incredibly petty (see: not eating dinner Jenni had prepared because she was mad at her). Sadly, her presence in the house was dry, dull, and overall very “meh.” —Katherine Calvert
5. Vinny
Government Name: Vinny Guadagnino
Hometown: Staten Island, NY
Age/Zodiac Sign: 28, Scorpio
Best moment: Being the catalyst for Angelina leaving Miami
Most infamous moment: Getting pink eye
Catchphrase: "Go Vinny!"
Everyone’s favorite mama’s boy, Vincent Guadagnino was, hands down, the nicest guy on the Shore. He was also, out of all the cast members, as far from the Jersey Shore stereotype you could get. He wasn't chiseled like The Situation or Pauly, he didn't look like he'd gotten a tan, like, ever, and he kept his hair cropped super short. Vinny was the straight-man to the zany antics of the rest of the cast. Sadly, nice, straight men don't make for interesting reality TV.
For most of the series, whenever Vinny was on-screen, he was either following Pauly around or waiting for his date to finally show up (sorry, bruh). Truth be told, without Pauly D, we wouldn’t have cared about Vinny. And he could've had a thing with Snooki if he didn't completely play himself. However, Vinny will go down in reality TV history. Why? He exposed Angelina to the rest of the roommates for the liar she was. Technically, we’re indebted to Vinny for the rest of our lives.
P.S. WHEN ARE HE AND SNOOKI GOING TO MAKE IT WORK??? —David Amaya
4. J-Woww
Government Name: Jennifer Farley
Hometown: Franklin Square, NY
Age/Zodiac Sign: 30, Pisces
Best moment: Writing "the letter"
Most infamous moment: Hooking up with Pauly in season one
Catchphrase: "I'm like a praying mantis, after I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off."
When it comes to well-rounded reality TV characters, you won't find many with all of the qualifications that Jenni has. She's a rider (it's hard to keep track of how many times she threw down for Snooki or listened to Ron bitch about Sammi), she was all about having fun and getting into random adventures, and she was also always in some kind of relationship, both horrendous and magical. J-Woww was always brash, but kept it real whenever she spoke. She was also a hustler; you got the impression that her life before Jersey Shore was full of side hustles keeping her busy. And, thankfully, she wasn't afraid to throw punches...even if she ate a nice shot from Sammi on an occasion or two. J-Woww might not be the best character on the show, but she's certainly one of the realest. —khal
3. The Situation
Government Name: Mike Sorrentino
Hometown: Manalapan Township, NJ
Age/Zodiac Sign: 34, Cancer
Best moment: Sunday dinners
Most infamous moment: Ramming his head into the wall in Italy
Catchphrase: "GTL"
The Situation, as much as you might hate him, will go down in history as one of the most perfect people to ever appear on reality TV. There’s a strong possibility that Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino was created in a secret lab that MTV owns because of his insistence on only being called “The Situation” and his clearly undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder. One of the core members of the Jersey Shore group, The Situation coined perhaps one of the most iconic terms from the show—”GTL” (Gym, Tan, Laundry)—as a lifestyle mantra, one that he fully inhabited during his six seasons on Jersey Shore. He’s really peak because he was always fully committed to stirring the drama (a true Ramona Singer, if you will), whether that be getting wasted, fighting with his roommates, smushing any lady in sight, and showing off his creepy abs (they’re creepy right?). The Situation was always pure, unadulterated ego, and our TV viewing is better off for it. —Kerensa Cadenas
2. Snooki
Government Name: Nicole Polizzi
Hometown: Poughkeepsie, NY
Age/Zodiac Sign: 28, Sagittarius
Best moment: When all of her roommates started liking her
Most infamous moment: Getting arrested on the beach
Catchphrase: "Stop caring and f*ck me!"
God bless our national treasure Nicole Elizabeth Polizzi. To watch Snooki was to love Snooki. She was boisterous, quirky, always down for a good time and hilarious—she also genuinely cared about her roommates. (Looking at you Angelina!) The perfect representation of Snooki is found in the first two episodes of season three. After spending a night drinking in the hot tub with Vinny (duh), all hell breaks loose in the house—Ronnie is screaming at Deena after Deena trashes Sammi. Not only does Snooki come to her fellow Meatball’s defense, but she turns her focus to the infamous Miami “letter” and passionately screams at Sam: “I was a good friend to you! I gave you five tries! How many times did I try to tell you Ronnie was cheating on you, dumbass?!” All while holding the duck phone in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Drunk or sober, she was always riding for her girls. —Katherine Calvert
1. Pauly D
Government Name: Paul DelVecchio
Hometown: Providence, RI
Age/Zodiac Sign: 36, Cancer
Best moment: Post-Jersey Shore life
Most infamous moment: The hot tub freak out
Catchphrase: "Cabs are here!" / "T-shirt time!"
While Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino so desperately tried to become the voice of this tiny sliver of time when Jersey Shore was at the forefront of pop culture, Pauly DelVecchio pulled off the feat effortlessly. With his Growing Up Gotti haircut, fresh out the booth tan, and that star tattoo placed perfectly over his left elbow, he looked the part—but his charm was built on much more than that. Pauly D was warm, cool, and endlessly charismatic, a reality star who seemingly manufactured iconic moments at will. There’s a good chance he’s responsible for your favorite line, scene, or episode of Jersey Shore—from “Cabs are heeyah!” to “T-shirt tiiiiiiime” to “From who!?!?”—and that’s saying a lot.
But here’s what puts Pauly over the top, beyond the fact that he’s very clearly doing the best post-Shore: he had an innate ability to make those around him better. Not, like, better people, but better television characters. Pauly D elevated the humor and magnetism of every interaction he was involved in, and the rest of the cast benefited from that. Jersey Shore would not have worked if you didn’t buy in—if you didn’t accept that these people were on some level cool or lovable—and Pauly is the one who flips that switch. What’s Vinny without his Batman? Is “GTL” even a thing if Pauly doesn’t co-sign it? Michael Jordan was a player so talented that anyone else on the court with him got better by osmosis—and there’s no doubt that Pauly D is the Michael Jordan of the Jersey Shore. —Andrew Gruttadaro