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Your friends here at Complex Pop Culture want you to get laid. We've explained cuffing season, how to navigate holiday hookups and how to properly use Bumble. Hell, we've even guided you to sex in the most unforgiving winter conditions. We're here for you!
So, we've taken it upon ourselves to create for you the ultimate guide for "Netflix and Chill." Yeah, we said we wanted to leave this behind in 2015, but the sheer force of the combination of binge watching and making out is too strong for us to abandon. We're only human.
Use our handy guide to help pinpoint your target of desire. And then we've assigned each the perfect movie (currently available on Netflix) to use to impress that person when they come over to "watch a movie." Hopefully, you don't make it past the opening credits.
Film Bro
What to "Chill" To: Phoenix
I know for a fact that Christian Petzold's post-World War II German drama is ULTIMATE film bro bait (I've been around too many film bros lately who can't shut up about WHAT A MASTERPIECE this is and OH MY GOD the implications and the subtext and…). Okay chill it's, like, not that good, SORRY (in fact it's kind of a Vertigo rip-off). But its recent addition to the Criterion Collection and its association with the German new wave genre of Berliner Schule (how do you pronounce that? The Film Bro will know how) is catnip for your cinephile bae. There's never really a good point to start hooking up during the movie (did I mention it's a WWII German drama? Yeah… Nazis…) but I've known people to Netflix and chill with darker shit.—Kristen Yoonsoo Kim
Manic Pixie Dream Girl
What to "Chill" To: Amélie
Yeah, the Nathan Rabin coined character trope at this point feels trite and completely played out. It's a safe assumption, that if you've ever watched Elizabethtown (OG MPDG) or Garden State, you're more than aware that this is a human woman that doesn't really exist. So, if for some reason you find an IRL MPDG on your couch and ready to chill, show her Jean-Pierre Jeunet's 2001 romantic comedy, Amélie. The cutesy-on-the-surface film follows a shy waitress, Amélie (a mesmerizing Audrey Tautou), who after the death of Princess Diana discovers a long hidden treasure box that inspires her to make others happy, while she's struggling with her own loneliness.
It'll get you points for seeming fancy and sensitive. Plus, it's a film that will leave you both feeling beyond euphoric. Just a little advice, even if she's wearing a quirky sweater with a dog on it or something, if you see her as a MPDG, that's all your projection bro.—Kerensa Cadenas
Sad Boy
What to "Chill" To: Upstream Color
It’s a rainy Friday and you’re lying on the sofa with your lover, a dude who happens to be a Sad Boy. You’re deciding on something to watch and stumble upon Upstream Color, a bizarre experimental film—the second by writer/director Shane Carruth—that’s melancholic as hell. While not exactly linear, Upstream Color follows Kris (Amy Seimetz) and Jeff (Carruth), two people who were kidnapped and injected with worms that were later removed. Both have no memories of their trauma, but as they grow closer together they begin to see the way the worms had and continue to affect them. Upstream Color, which resembles the lovechild of David Lynch and Terrence Malick, is romantic, indigestible, and the perfect movie to get in the right mood with someone who’s never really in the mood. Also, the poster features Jeff holding onto Kris in a bathtub.—Eric Eidelstein
Your Weed Dealer
What to "Chill" To: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
The cool thing about being high as balls is that literally anything is entertaining. You could both feasibly debate whether Stephen Avery actually did it for hours, but here's why you should put on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia instead: it's mindless, (sometimes) funny, and provided both parties are interested it will definitely get you laid.
It’s Always Sunny follows a group of friends with horrible life skills who run a local bar in (you guessed it) Philadelphia. It's one of those oft-repackaged "misadventure" series that doesn't require that you know too much about the characters. The key here is the inanity of the series—it’s the Goldilocks of entertainment on a scale of “enthralling” to “unbearable.” You’ll both have some laughs (you’re high) and it’ll ease the mood, but ultimately it’s one of those shows that doesn’t require much attention and can easily be forgotten should things get sexy.—Catie Keck
Tank Top Bro
What to "Chill" To: American Pie
In the depths of our Netflix queues lie hidden our most shameful desires—the movies we want to watch that literally no one else will want to watch. So who better to watch those queue selections with than the most shameful of Netflix and Chill candidates than with the tank top wearing bro who considers beer pong an actual sport. So curl up next to those biceps and watch the bro-iest thing imagineable (21 & Over isn't on Netflix anymore sadly): American Pie.
The 1999 teen classic follows a tight knit group of bros who make a pact to lose their virginities before they graduate high school to varied results. At this point, many of us know the film beat for beat, dick joke by dick joke. It'll probably remind bro-bae of his high school days, so for a bit it'll make him seem less terrible until he initiates a post-movie game of pong. Or tells you that reading is boring.—Kerensa Cadenas
Ronda Rousey
What to "Chill" To: Dawg Fight
While Ronda Rousey is nerdy af (she's not shy about her love of things like Dragon Ball Z and Pokémon), a Pokémon Netflix and Chill play might not be the move for the former UFC champion. Ronda's talked about having as much sex as possible before her fights, so it might make sense to throw on a documentary like Dawg Fight, which looks at the unsanctioned street fight circuit in Miami. Who knows, maybe all of that pent up aggression being released will turn her on, and you won't be able to see how the doc ends because you'll be thrown in a rear naked choke by one of the premier MMA stars walking the Earth today.—khal
Your Grindr Hookup
What to "Chill" To: Stranger by the Lake
If it’s not too late at night, you many actually want to hangout with your Grindr hookup. You may learn that he’s a pretty cool dude, and that he’s into some of the same kinds of things you’re into. Take Stranger by the Lake, as an example. The film, directed by Alain Guiraudie, is a French chamber piece that takes place at a lake surrounded by a forest. At the lake tons of gay men converge. They bathe naked, have sex by the trees, and the whole environment oozes sexual tension. At the center of the film is a destructive romance between Franck (Pierre Deladonchamps) and Michel (Christophe Paou), a mysterious stranger that immediately captures Franck’s attention. While things get eventually get dark—as they tend to—the award-winning film (it won the Queer Palm at Cannes) is spooky, challenging, and could be pretty hot if you’re with the right company.—Eric Eidelstein
Your Ex
What to "Chill" To: The Human Centipede
Let’s all agree that hooking up with an ex is never a good idea, but let’s also agree that if in the same room it’s very likely some sort of passion will spark. That’s why The Human Centipede is the perfect “Netflix and Chill” film to watch with an ex. It’s so revolting, so absolutely despicable, that you have a really intense and powerful libido if you’re still able to be turned on after watching it. The film follows a sadistic German doctor who kidnaps two American girls and a Japanese tourist and explains to them that he wants to perform a surgery on them that will give them a single digestive track. This means sewing them together—mouth-to-anus. It’s an upsetting film, the mood killer that may be necessary if you find yourself alone with an ex. Then again, if you’re both still into each other after watching The Human Centipede, maybe it’s worth considering reconciliation.—Eric Eidelstein
Male Feminist
What to "Chill" To: Frances Ha
The Male Feminist will be very understanding of complicated female relationships and what better movie to establish he gets women than the female-centric Noah Baumbach masterclass in millennial ennui? The film follows our endearing protagonist Frances (Greta Gerwig)—a girl dancing through the big city—and her changing relationship with her best friend Sophie (Mickey Sumner), as she looks for a new place to live all while trying to figure out life and love. It's sweet, funny, and charming, shown through the lens of Gerwig's carefully depicted every-woman type (something Gerwig herself is largely responsible for as she co-wrote the script with her IRL boo, Baumbach). Not the first to come to mind as a hookup movie but your Male Feminist will be into it.—Kristen Yoonsoo Kim
Horror Creep
What to "Chill" To: V/H/S
I am a horror creep so this is basically like "What would I solo Netflix and chill to?" Well, Netflix hasn’t been super up on their horror lately—staples like Rosemary's Baby and the first Scream have been taken off, making room for C-level horror instead—so Shudder and Chill is probably the better option here (Shudder is the Netflix for horror). But some gems remain on Netflix, including V/H/S, an anthology horror from 2012 that includes five terrifying vignettes and one big wraparound story. It's gained cult popularity, which unfortunately lent itself to a mediocre sequel and then an unwatchably bad third movie. Thankfully, the first still holds up (and is still scary af). Good movie to hold each other out of fear. And then see where things go from there.—Kristen Yoonsoo Kim
Rock Climbing Bro
What to "Chill" To: K2
It's not my fault Netflix doesn't have better mountain movies like Cliffhanger or Vertical Limit but the phenomenal flop that is K2 might actually be a better Netflix and chill option than either if you're trying to get it on with your average outdoorsy bro. Hear me out. K2 is hella bad and hella boring (let me just highlight this 23% Rotten Tomatoes rating), and your rock-climbing suitor might be like "Why am I not camping right now instead?" But it also sets up the situation so that he'll want to do LITERALLY anything else besides watch the movie. Anything. Else. You get my drift?—Kristen Yoonsoo Kim
Significant Other
What to "Chill" To: Mad Men (or any prestige series of the moment)
Off the bat, I think we can all agree that Master of None, while terrific, is probably the LAST series that you should watch with your long-term person. That's a show that'll hit wayyyy too close to home. So what's intellectually stimulating, full of hot people and a quality televsion show? AMC's former crown jewel, Mad Men, is the obvious choice. Over seven seasons, the drama follows the bad boy of advertising, Don Draper (Jon Hamm)'s rise and fall (and rise) on Madison Avenue. While he crushes it (most of the time) at his job, his personal life is full of demons, that he tries to chase away with booze, women and angst. Draper's darkness is equaled out with a great supporting cast, many of whom, outshine him at times.
So, you'll get to watch insanely attractive people swathed in their 60s best and have soul searching conversations about history, love and the human condition. What's sexier than intellectual foreplay and emotional bonding?—Kerensa Cadenas
Soccer Mom
What to "Chill" To: Grease
This one is a given, right? For many soccer moms, their job doesn't stop when the kids go to school. They're getting supplies for their kid's after-practice treats, making sure uniforms are shining, and keeping the mini-van running smooth for whatever transporting they have to do. Their job is important, so their relaxation periods should be choice. That's why, if you do land a hot and bothered soccer mom, your best bet is to roll over with a bottle of her favorite wine and Grease. She'll relive "the good ol' days," singing songs and laughing hysterically at whatever Travolta's doing. By the time "Beauty School Dropout" hits, she should be ready to forget the flick and focus some of her hard-earned attention on you. Revel in it, you ol' T-Bird you.—khal
Woke Bae
What to "Chill" to: Marina Abramovic: The Artist Is Present
Imagine dating Matt McGorry, the wokest of baes. Which movie could you two "Netflix and chill" to while he whispers sweet, woke commentary in your ears? But first, let's get a sense of who a Woke Bae is. The Woke Bae has stake as a Male Feminist too (see above) but he is woke on social issues across the board, from #FreeTheNipple to #BlackLivesMatter. The Woke Bae is also a sensitive intellect, which is why the Marina Abramovic doc is the perfect date movie for this sitch. The film, which follows the Serbian performance artist before her famous MoMA retrospective, will surely inspire heated conversations about art, performance, and the meaning of it all… At the very least, it'll definitely heat up something.—Kristen Yoonsoo Kim
The President of the United States
What to "Chill" To: House of Cards
Being that our current president is madly in love with his wife and the sanctity of their union should be protected at all costs, this isn’t a Netflix and Chill situation in the way its come to be understood in 2015. But if you had the opportunity to hang out with the president of the United States for a few hours, wouldn't you want need to know whether Frank Underwood is completely full of shit?
House of Cards needs little introduction, and the overall plotline has become so entangled in chaos that its actual roots in reality are shaky at best. But what if you could know beyond a reasonable doubt that the government is or isn’t as sketchy as the Underwood administration? This seems like too good an opportunity to get woke on the innerworkings of a fictional U.S. government.
Fun fact: President Barack Obama’s favorite movie of 2015 was The Martian. He also reportedly really enjoyed the The Knick. So there’s that, should you ever find yourself in this exact situation.—Catie Keck