Image via Complex Original
Today is Cinco de Mayo, meaning people have an excuse to drink copious amounts of liquor, then go to work tomorrow feeling like they sustained several Rick Mahorn elbows to the head. People mistakenly assume that Cinco de Mayo is Mexican Independence Day, but that's Grito de Dolores, which falls on Sep. 16. So just like on St. Patrick's Day, folks are getting drunk for all the wrong reasons. Also like St. Patrick's Day, Cinco de Drinko is one of the liquor-fueled drinking holidays that people eagerly anticipate, though it actually exceeds its celebratory drunk cousin.
Consider all you love about St. Patrick's Day, then think about how Cinco de Mayo comes around nearly two months later to outdo it. If you're struggling to remember, this justification for why Cinco de Mayo is better than St. Patrick's Day will jolt your memory like that first shot of tequila, lime shortage be damned.
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The Weather Is Better
An obvious reason for Cinco de Mayo's superiority is the weather. St. Patrick's Day falls just after the Ides of March, a few days before the official beginning of Spring when the chance of good weather is a crapshoot. Conversely, Cinco de Mayo comes nearly two months later when temperatures have risen, no matter where you live. We got snow for St. Patrick's Day this year; people were getting hammered to keep warm. With Cinco de Mayo, you can do that outside and enjoy spring in full bloom.
It's a Sign Summer Is Coming
One of Drag-On's few memorable lines is "In my eyes you can see what summer's holdin'." That's a pretty accurate description of what that glazed over look of intoxicated satisfaction you see on Cinco de Mayo celebrants' faces means. As the fickle rain of April becomes a memory, Cinco de Mayo is one of the key cogs in the transition to the solstice. It's also a reminder that day drinking under the summer sun is just around the bend, and that anticipation will bring the Carlos Danger out of just about everyone.
Tequila Is Better Than Green Beer
The concept of drinking beer that's magically been turned green thanks to artificial coloring is cool, you know, for novelty. It's a nice little touch to show your St. Patrick's Day spirit, but let's be real: it has nothing on tequila. Seriously, take a sip of a smooth 1800 Ultimate Margarita today, then recall that pitcher of dyed beer you and your friends punished like you were fresh 21-year-olds—which made you feel more like an adult?
Tequila is more versatile, less lowbrow and has a kick that'll activate parts of your personality you didn't know existed. Tread lightly for that reason, but know that it's the better choice.
Mexican Food FTW
From tacos, enchiladas and carne asada to burritos, elote and churros, there's plenty of amazing Mexican fare to enjoy on Cinco de Mayo. The reality is that it's far better than the traditional St. Patrick's Day dinner of corned beef and cabbage, providing drinkers with better food to absorb the liquor.
For all of its hearty, working class delectability, corned beef and cabbage just can't compete. There's an aesthetic element that's absent; it just doesn't look or taste as exciting as any of the Mexican food you're likely to eat today. There isn't much of an argument otherwise.
The Reason it's Celebrated
Both are cultural celebrations, but St. Patrick's Day is more of a faux-religious one, obviously honoring the beloved St. Patrick. Once again, Cinco de Mayo is not Mexican Independence Day, but commemorates the Battle of Puebla that took place 152 years ago. In the midst of the French-Mexican War, General Ignacio Zaragoza led a small band of soldiers to victory over a larger French army who tried to take the city of Puebla. It was a moral victory, some David and Goliath shit that's become paramount to Mexican pride, hence the day's observance in Mexico.
Who can't drink to that?