Image via Complex Original
The word "ratchet" may be played out, but until the Internet agrees upon a more accurate description for these crimes, it will have to do. These stories are sad, imaginative, and they inspire us to have conversations about race, class, and the American dream.
This week's roundup includes vagina-stashed watches, drunk golf cart drivers, and cannibalism. Each crime is rated on our Ratchet Meter, a base-10 logarithmic scale modeled after a similar system developed by Charles Richter—except that the Ratchet Meter has nothing to do with science because it's not actually a real thing.
Read on for the best of the worst ratchet crimes in America. Proceed with caution, stay safe, don't try this at home, and send your tips to cityguidetips@complex.com.
And for your viewing pleasure, here's the latest episode of Ratchet News Network with The Kid Mero:
RNN: Ratchet News Network
Trio Busted for Stealing Watches, Hiding Them in Their Vaginas
Date: 8/31/2014
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada
Crime: Stealing
Ratchet Meter: 9
Three women were arrested in Las Vegas for allegedly stealing high-priced watches from men, which they stashed in their vaginas.
The Fox 5 in Las Vegas reports that the crime occurred on Aug. 17 when the trio—Charmella Triggs, 23-year-old Bryanna Warren and Trinity Kennard, also 23—met two men at Encore casino-hotel's and ended up in their room. The men reportedly noticed their Rolex watches (valued at $4,000 and $12,000) were missing after they had been removed while two of the culprits performed sex acts on them.
The men accused Triggs, Kennard and Warren of stealing their watches, prompting them to threaten the men with a stun gun before fleeing into an elevator. Surveillance cameras reportedly captured the woman hiding the watches inside of their bodies.
Police apprehended them when the elevator reached the ground floor, and they were charged with conspiracy to commit robbery, burglary, and grand larceny.
[via Fox 5 and New York Daily News]
Wedding Brawl Ensues After Groom Hits on Reception Worker
Date: 9/2/2014
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Crime: Fighting
Ratchet Meter: 6
Three men were arrested in during a wedding party in Pittsburgh, Pa. over the weekend after the groom allegedly hit on a pregnant woman who was working at the reception.
The mess allegedly began when the groom, 33-year-old Mark Williams, got inappropriately friendly with the woman and tried to pour liquor down her throat, even when she said she was pregnant. She summoned her boyfriend, 20-year-old Tyler Smith, who CBS Pittsburgh says confronted Williams. This prompted to Williams' 35-year-old brother, David, to intervene. David Williams, an off-duty Pennsylvania State Trooper, reportedly became “aggressive” with police.
Then, for whatever reason, 31-year-old Brian Taylor punched through the window of a car, injuring his hand. As police attempted to lead him away, he began screaming that he was HIV-positive.
Taylor was treated for his injuries at UPMC Mercy Hospital, while he and the Williams brothers were arrested. The account that's missing here (and the one that really matters) is the bride's.
[via CBS Pittsburgh]
Liquor-Fueled Golf Cart Crash Leaves One Dead
Date: 8/31/2014
Location: Chester Township, Ohio
Crime: Drinking and driving, Intoxication
Ratchet Meter: 8
An intoxicated man driving a golf cart killed a passenger in Ohio early yesterday morning, officials say.
WOIO reports that yesterday morning, Craig Franks, 42, was intoxicated while speeding in a golf cart along a road in Chester Township, Ohio. Just after 1 a.m., the golf cart struck an embankment, turning over in the process. The impact threw Franks, 47-year-old Vicky White, and 49-year-old Robert Moore from the vehicle.
Both Franks and White were hospitalized with non life-threatening injuries, but Moore suffered serious injuries which he succumbed to at the scene of the accident. Franks was arrested and charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated, failure to maintain reasonable control, and unsafe speed for conditions.
[via New York Daily News and WOIO]
Man Arrested for Opening Fire on Couple Who Interrupted Oral Sex Session
Date: 8/29/2014
Location: Seattle, Washington
Crime: Shooting, Sex
Ratchet Meter: 10
A man was arrested in Seattle earlier this week for opening fire on a couple who disturbed the fellatio he was in the process of receiving.
The Smoking Gun reports that the couple stumbled upon 64-year-old Paul Hunter mid-blow job around 2 a.m. Tuesday morning. Startled, the woman left, leaving Hunter unsatisfied and infuriated. The couple told police that he began to walk away, then turned around and began shooting at them while yelling “I'm going to kill you.”
The frightened couple called police, who located Hunter, “highly intoxicated” with the gun still tucked into his pants. He was ultimately charged with assault, and no one was injured in the shooting.
[via The Smoking Gun]
Inmate Dies After Eating Fellow Inmates Underwear, Which Was Soaked in Methadone
Date: 8/29/2014
Location: Kentucky
Crime: Poisoning
Ratchet Meter: 5
Authorities are investigating an inmate at a Kentucky jail on murder charges following a fellow inmate's death after he allegedly consumed underwear soaked in methadone.
On Aug. 20, Corey McQueary, 33, was found in his cell at the Jessamine County Detention Center. He explained that he was sick, but declined to tell deputies what he had eaten. The next morning, McQueary died at an ambulatory care center.
During an investigation into his death, jail officials learned that he had eaten pieces of Michael Jones' underwear that had been doused with liquid methadone. Jones, 55, left the facility to attend a funeral, and wore them upon his return, ripping them into pieces and sharing them with other prisoners.
Jones has since been charged with murder.
[via Gawker and Lex18]
Duo Arrested for Cooking Meth in Basement of Illinois Church
Date: 8/29/2014
Location: Illinois
Crime: Drugs
Ratchet Meter: 8
A pair of Illinois women were arrested after their meth lab—which they operated from the basement of a church—was discovered.
According to the New York Daily News, 26-year-old Tiffany Burton and 53-year-old Judith Hemken were caught cooking meth in the basement of Montgomery County, Ill.'s Waveland Hillsboro Presbyterian Church on Tuesday. While checking on the building, a member of the parish spotted one of the women outside the church, then found the other inside with the lab's contents.
The man called police, and the women (who obviously were not members of the church) were arrested and charged with manufacturing methamphetamine.
[via New York Daily News]
Florida Woman Arrested for Stabbing Man Who Declined Sex
Date: 8/28/2014
Location: Fort Pierce, Florida
Crime: Stabbing
Ratchet Meter: 8
Authorities in Florida arrested a woman earlier this month for stabbing a man in the neck after he refused sex with her.
The Smoking Gun reports that Shakieria Anquanette Shan Long, 22, was at a cookout in Fort Pierce, Fla. with friends on Aug. 12 when she began arguing with 32-year-old Eugene Sylvester. The root of the argument? Long wanted to have sex with Sylvester, who brushed her off. According to a witness, Sylvester told Long to “go back where she had been all day and have sex.” Ouch.
Long, who reportedly babysat Sylvester's children, then proceeded to follow him into a room where she plunged a fork into his neck. The witness attempted to apply pressure to the wound while walking Sylvester home, but Long continued her attack, punching him in the face.
Sylvester told authorities that he shrugged off Long's advances because she was too drunk. Stitches were needed to close the wound to his neck. Though he didn't want to press charges against Long, she was charged with felony battery and remains in a St. Lucie County jail cell because this incident violated her bond stemming from a June arrest.
[via The Smoking Gun]
Chicago Woman Fatally Struck by Piece of Falling Gargoyle Statue
Date: 9/062014
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Crime: Falling Masonry
Ratchet Meter: 10
A woman was tragically killed in Chicago yesterday when a piece of a gargoyle statue fell and struck her in the head.
CBS Chicago reports that 34-year-old Sarah Bean was returning from lunch with her fiancé in the city's South Loop when wind caused part of the statue to fall from the Second Presbyterian Church of Chicago. The mother of two was later pronounced dead at Northwestern Memorial Hospital.
A city spokeswoman says the accident was caused by a “chain reaction”:
A spokeswoman for the city’s Building Department says a chain reaction was to blame for the falling stone. A corner of one of the metal decorative pieces on the exterior of the building gave way, striking a gargoyle statue on the southeast corner of the steeple and causing a portion of it to fall. The church is more than 100 years old.
Bean and her fiancé, Lance Johnson, planned to wed this year.
[via CBS Chicago]
Reminder: Never Steal a Co-Worker's Meatball (Or Any Food, For That Matter)
Date: 9/09/2014
Location: Fallston, Maryland
Crime: Stealing
Ratchet Meter: 6
Work etiquette is very real, and extends to tampering with someone else's food. For example, a man in Maryland was stabbed last week after a co-worker discovered that he had stolen one of his meatballs.
The Baltimore Sun reports that the theft and subsequent stabbing took place last Thursday at a Fallston, Md. business. When the 31-year-old man learned that his meal had been violated, he allegedly stabbed the 36-year-old meatball thief in the arm.
The stabbing victim was hospitalized, while the aggressor fled the scene. Though it's somewhat unclear if he was taken into custody, Harford County Sheriff's Office spokesperson Cristie Kahler told the Sun that charges are pending.
[via The Baltimore Sun]
Florida High Schoolers Arrested for Breaking Into Home to Have Sex
Date: 9/09/2014
Location: Bradenton, Florida
Crime: Burglary
Ratchet Meter: 5
A pair of Florida high schoolers were arrested over the weekend after being caught breaking into a home to have sex.
The Smoking Gun reports that the delinquent duo, Evan Jones and Allison Riddle, were seen attempting to sneak into the Bradenton, Fla. home on Saturday night. The 18-year-olds reportedly accessed the home through an unlocked door, and police were contacted by concerned neighbors, as the home's owner now lives in Michigan.
After a deputy (who had his gun drawn) let it be known that the law had arrived, Jones and Riddle exited the bedroom with their hands in the air. During questioning, they explained that they had no plans to steal anything, they simply wanted to have sex there. When asked how they accessed the home, Jones explained that a friend who cuts the grass gave him the garage security code.
Jones and Riddle both face burglary charges.
[via The Smoking Gun]
Texas Teacher Sentenced to Three Years Probation for Classroom Lap Dance
Date: 9/07/2014
Location: Houston, Texas
Crime: Sexual misconduct with a minor
Ratchet Meter: 10
After being arrested for giving a middle schooler a lap dance in front of full classroom, a teacher in Texas has been sentenced to three years probation.
The Smoking Gun reports that 42-year-old Felicia Smith pleaded guilty on Thursday following her arrested at Houston's Stovall Middle School earlier this year. She told authorities that she was convinced to dance for the 15-year-old by other students, and, according to the Smoking Gun, her four-minute performance got intense and inappropriate:
When the boy entered her classroom, Smith “grabbed a chair and placed it next to her desk,” investigators reported. With music playing, Smith sat on the teen’s lap “with her buttocks making contact with his penis while she began to move back and forth.” Smith also “fondled him with her hands by touching him all over his body.” Cops noted that the assorted contact caused the boy to “have an erected penis.”
Smith obviously no longer works at the school, and the State Board for Educator Certification’s professional discipline unit is reviewing her actions.
[via The Smoking Gun]
Two Oklahoma Men Arrested for Spraying Deer Urine on Walmart Merchandise
Date: 9/07/2014
Location: Oklahoma
Crime: Theft
Ratchet Meter: 4
Two men were arrested for inexplicably destroying thousands of dollars worth of merchandise at an Oklahoma Walmart by coating it with deer urine.
According to Fox23, 18-year-old Cody Hudson and 24-year-old Jon Ohlman sprayed shoes, fabrics, and toys with doe urine at the Owasso location on Saturday. Their moronic actions resulted in an estimated $2,500 worth of damage. Fox21 reports that witnesses recalled seeing as many as six suspects doing the same, but Hudson and Ohlman admitted to full responsibility after being arrested shortly after.
Both are being held on $5,000 bond, and other suspects (who were eventually arrested) may face charges as well.
[via Fox23 and Fox21]
Florida Woman Arrested for Pleasuring Herself Atop Motorcycle
Date: 9/10/2014
Location: Ormand Beach, Florida
Crime: Sexual misconduct
Ratchet Meter: 10
A woman was arrested in Ormond Beach, Fla. over the weekend for allegedly masturbating while seated on a motorcycle inside of a garage.
The Smoking Gun reports that a witness saw Karen Dilworth, 50, mounted atop the motorcycle on Saturday evening, “leaning backwards” with her legs parted. The witness, who was with her 13-year-old son, also told authorities that Dilworth was naked from the waist down and obviously masturbating. Another witness who saw the same reportedly yelled at Dilworth, ordering to, at the very least, close the garage door. According to the Smoking Gun, she obliged.
Police arrived, and the clearly intoxicated Dilworth told them she was not masturbating, insisting that she was simply drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. She was arrested and charged with lewd and lascivious behavior.
For the record, her husband was in the house while this unfolded, completely unaware of what was happening. That says a lot about their relationship.
[via The Smoking Gun]
Missouri Man Tries (And Fails) to Hide Meth Pipe Beneath Roll of Fat
Date: 9/10/2014
Location: Christian County, Missouri
Ratchet Meter: 10
A Missouri man who attempted to hide a meth pipe beneath a roll of fat thought he had found a safe place for it. Oh, how terribly wrong he was, as the law often goes places washcloths may not.
The Smoking Gun reports that 45-year-old Richard Evans Fotopulos was arrested in May after police in Christian County, Mo. discovered marijuana and meth in his car. He was taken to jail, where authorities found more weed and crystal meth in his socks during a strip search, as well as a glass pipe tucked securely inside of his fat.
On Monday, Fotopulos was charged with possession of a controlled substance and attempt to sneak a controlled substance into a detention facility. The law usually wins.
[via The Smoking Gun]
A Tired Florida Man Fell Asleep While Robbing a Home
Date: 9/11/2014
Location: Nokomis, Florida
Crime: Burglary
Ratchet Meter: 7
A Florida man who fell asleep mid-robbery got a rude awakening when he discovered police hovering over him and the jewelry he just stole.
WTEV reports that Dion Davis was in the midst of robbing a Nokomis, Fla. home when he inexplicably decided to take a nap. He was so deep in slumber that he didn't even notice the deputies standing over him, taking pictures which, of course, they shared on Facebook.
In addition to the burglary charges he faces, he's also become a source of entertainment. He earned the shame.
[via WTEV]