Image via Complex Original
Lead
Deion and Pilar Sanders are in the midst of a rather ugly divorce, and on Monday things got physical. During the '90's, no quarterback would dare throw a fade Prime Time's way, but Pilar and a friend ran up on him like Bebop and Rocksteady and allegedly tossed him one for the ages.
Prime set the Internet ablaze when he tweeted about the incident, resulting in a blitz of hilarious reactions as people felt compelled to sound off on the Rumble in the Master Bedroom. Everyone already thinks they're 140-character comedians, but Twitter Nation really went in this time around.
The revelation that Neon Deion got dipped on in his own crib was like watching your dad lose a fight for some of—oh, wait. Anyway, we hate that it had to be Prime Time, but couldn't help but laugh at the 25 Funniest Tweets About Deion Sanders vs. Pilar Sanders.
Written By Julian Kimble (@JRK316).
Basketball Wives
25. Inspiration
We know: it's the similar pattern of ratchet behavior, as the flashing lights capture it all. Birds of a feather flock together.
Avengers Promotion
24. Promotion
We co-sign this, but only with Pilar replacing ScarJo as Black Widow.
Beef.
23. Let Me See You Juke
Nope, and apparently couldn't stiff-arm her either. He definitely wasn't tackling her, but more on that in a second.
Contact
22. Contact Sport
If that opening statement was intentional, it was quite clever. To his credit, Sanders allegedly ran a 4.27-second 40-yard-dash at the '89 NFL Combine, so nobody could catch him in his prime. He got a bad rep for not tackling, but opposing QB's thought long and hard about testing him. However, as he pointed out during his Hall of Fame induction speech, he tackled all of his mom's bills since 1989.
Draft
21. No Draft Dodging
He didn't get beat that bad, but not even the worst ass-kicking would keep Deion from missing the Draft. Prime Time doesn't miss primetime events.
Mya G
20. Runteldat
Deion found himself in a Catch 22, similar to the one Jay-Z pondered in the opening bars of "Streets Is Watching." Most people have no issue with his decision not to retaliate (though he was recently charged with simple misdemeanor assault), but why did he sprint to Twitter with with the news like there was nothing between him and the end zone except for a helpless punter?
Bomani
19. Bout That Life
Bomani Jones is right—the Sanders clan is all about that @ or dap life. Check Deion's daughter Deiondra's interpolation of "Stay Schemin'" for further evidence.
Money Team
18. The Money Team
Deiondra Sanders wasn't quite poppin' Ray J-esque shit, but she was totally down to stomp her soon-to-be-ex-step mother out on Twitter. Deion's progeny are fiercely protective of him, and even though we're laughing at this, we can't help but respect it.
Julia Beverly
17. Equal Opportunity
See, men get beat too. Still, most of them don't tweet about it. Or speak about it. Or any of the above.
Cory
16. Father Time Catches Up To Us All
It's sad, but whether we're talking T.O. or Prime Time, all of the greats eventually lose a step. As careers come to an end, reality shows and the accompanying fuckery are what some former NFL stars have to look forward too.
Pilar
15. You Need More People
Here's one from Pilar herself prior to the scuffle, and it kind of sounds like she was trying to convince herself rather than anyone else. After tweeting this, do you think she and her partner mapped out the beatdown?
Lolo
14. The Shield of Insanity
Olympic track and field athlete Lolo Jones joked (we hope) that she called her ex 50 consecutive times in the wake of Pilar's crazy. Ladies, please keep in mind that this circus does not give you a license to wild out. You wanna compete with Pilar? Compete with her in the gym.
Southern Hospitality
13. Throw Them Bows
Streetball legend Aaron Owens offered some advice on what to do when tag-teamed by two angry women. The funny thing is, Ron Artest—excuse us—Metta World Peace has been involved in two similar incidents. The first time around, he filed a domestic abuse complaint against his now ex-wife.
Beat It Up
12. Beat It Up
Brian McKnight took the hand-off from Sanders early Tuesday morning when he decided to share his pussy poems. We can't call Deion soft in this scenario, though. Had he gone ham on Pilar, he'd be more vilified for tackling her than not tackling opponents.
Charlamagne
11. O Let's Do It
Charlamagne Tha God christens Pilar "Pilar Flocka Flame," who's not about that bump and run coverage. Nope, she jams dudes up at the line of scrimmage. Later, in a strategic TMI moment, Charlamagne would get "honest" about his love for Pilar's mugshot.
Kaz
10. Beauty Under Fire
One of the best highlights of this saga is Pilar's glamorous mugshot. Even under duress, she managed to be strikingly gorgeous. Many a man would probably follow suit and rock tees bearing Pilar's glorious mug with undaunted pride.
Chris Paul Comedy
9. New Career Path?
There's a vacancy in the Cowboys secondary now that Terrence Newman is gone, and we think Pilar's aggressive nature would be a perfect fit for Rob Ryan's defense. We can't imagine she'd get burned as badly as Newman did.
UHTN
8. High-Stepping to Victory
Although Prime wasn't wearing one of his signature Choppa Suits (which probably weigh as much as full pads do), he couldn't escape them because he's probably lost a step over the years. Also, maybe he didn't want to escape. The fact that Pilar pieced him up in their home in front of his kids might not bode well for her as the divorce moves forward.
Haute
7. The Three-Piece
What can you really say here that hasn't already been said?
Officially Ice
6. These Are Our Heroes
From locking down wide outs, returning punts, playing wide receiver himself and even playing in the MLB, Deion Sanders was definitely an Everything Man. He even dropped an album, the appropriately titled Prime Time back in '94, and it produced the novelty hit "Must Be The Money."
Clearly, the shock of the reported beatdown ruined it for @Officially Ice. Some of us want our heroes to remain heroes, is that so wrong?
Pilar > Ealges Receivers of the 90's
5. Where No Man Has Gone Before
It's true—Pilar accomplished what no Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver could, as the OG Shutdown Corner blanketed the NFC East from 1995-1999.
Foxx Files
4. Tag Team
We were waiting for someone to compare Pilar and her accomplice to Day-Day's Next Friday tormentors D'Wana and Baby D, and @FoxxFiles delivered. Oddly enough, Day-Day was more evasive than Sanders.
MoneyGray
3. Power in Numbers
This right here is proof that a well-timed reference to The Wire can accurately analyze any scenario. The true wizardry of this tweet is that it was executed without giving up any spoilers for what just might be the greatest show to grace the small screen.
Spring 2012 Self-Defense
2. No Shots
This was just a low blow, no pun intended. After a career of preventing fades, Deion caught one, but he hasn't been totally emasculated by this incident. It was better for him to play the victim rather than the villain here, but that doesn't mean the whole spectacle isn't absolutely ridiculous.
Prime Himself
1. Grand Opening, Grand Closing
This tweet came straight from Sanders himself a day after the assault. He stressed restraint and taking the high road, aka the route to the end zone. The damage had already been done, but we see the vision.
Deion Sanders has always been an entertainer, and this was the grand finale. For the moment, at least. In the meantime, he's somewhere doing his trademark dance.