Image via Twitter
You could talk shit about Drake for many things. He’s too soft. He can’t sing. He changes sports teams too often. But there’s one thing the man cannot be faulted over: his taste in women. We all know the high profile loves—Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, JLo, Serena Williams—an impressive group of successful, beautiful women. He has even shared some less “conventional” loves, including Shania Twain and the infamous Doris Burke shirt. But after years of social media TMI, Drake’s taste is becoming more predictable. After a deep dive into his Instagram and Twitter accounts and past interviews, Drake’s taste may have finally become crystallized—he’s a sucker for funny women. Women can now be funny AND sexy. It really is the future! Here’s the ladies that make Drake (and us) laugh out loud.
Sarah Silverman
You know her from: SNL, The Sarah Silverman Program
Drake has loved her since: 2016
Song he would dedicate to her at a show: "Best I Ever Had"
It all begins with Drizzy’s Instagram of Sarah Silverman’s SNL headshot with the caption #WCE. Silverman brushed it off as a “Jewish mother fantasy” situation, but she’s probably more right than she knows. Drake is but a man, and anyone who slept through Psych 101 in freshman year of college knows that men are more attracted to women who remind them of their mothers. On “You & The 6”, he raps for 4 entire minutes about how his mom tries to set him up with her trainer and hates all his girlfriends. Could it get any more Jewish? Yes. It can. And after the turnt up bar-mitzvah in the HYFR video, he’s clearly proud of his heritage.
Image via Giphy
Rashida Jones
You know her from: The Office, Parks and Recreation
Drake has loved her since: 2011
Song he would dedicate to her at a show: "Fall For Your Type"
Which brings us to Rashida Jones, who was also raised Jewish and is also half black. (Bear with me here. Deeper love affairs have been formed on flimsier foundations). He admitted to Complex that “I love funny women and I love beautiful women and I love women that have great taste in music and Rashida is all those things." We can’t argue with that.
Aubrey Plaza
You know her from: Parks and Rec, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, Legion
Drake has loved her since: 2010
Song he would dedicate to her at a show: "Find Your Love"
But Drake’s inability to keep it in his pants might have ruined that romance before it even started. He’s been equally vocal about his huge, throbbing, slightly awkward crush on Aubrey Plaza, who starred alongside Jones in Parks and Rec. Two of his biggest crushes starring together in the same show? Coincidence? I think not. In fact, I would not be surprised if Drake credits Parks and Recreation with his sexual awakening.
Kat Dennings
You know her from: 2 Broke Girls
Drake has loved her since: At least May 2011
Song he would dedicate to her at a show: "U With Me?"
In a 2011 interview with Elle, Drake admitted to being “in love” with Kat Dennings, and one time even “woke up out of bed” (???) to tell her she looked fine on TV. Apparently, she first met the Canadian rapper in Toronto at an indie music festival nearly 10 years ago but after his 2011 tweet the two went for dinner together. They had sushi, which means it was definitely a date. She eventually admitted to Chelsea Handler that they were just friends and that Drake is “super, super nice. He's a lovely person. He's a nice man." Just by the way: Dennings’ family is—you guessed it—Jewish. The plot. It’s thick, baby.
Tracee Ellis Ross
You know her from: black-ish, Girlfriends
Drake first declared his love in: 2014
Song he would dedicate to her at a show: "6 God"
By now you can start to trace the outlines of Drake’s type so it should come as no surprise that he literally proposed to Tracee Ellis Ross in an Instagram comment of all places. Ross has a rapper alter-ego named T-Murda, and when she tried her hand at the first verse of “6 God,” Drake responded by flat out announcing: “I will marry you.”
Rosie O'Donnell
You know her from: The Rosie O’Donnell Show, The View, Trump’s Twitter account
Drake first declared his love in: March 2013
Song he would dedicate to her at a show: "No New Friends"
Back in 2013, he tweeted about Rosie O’Donnell, a famous female comedian who is now also famous for being President Trump’s arch-nemesis. For Drake, just the idea that she knew who he was was “the best feeling ever.” Of course it is. The best feeling in the world is to love and be loved in return.
Amanda Bynes
You know her from: She’s The Man, Easy A, The Amanda Show
Drake has loved her since: Never
Song he would dedicate to her at a show: "Get It Together"
Of course, the man does have limits. Amanda Bynes got straight to the point when she politely asked Drake to “murder my vagina” in a since deleted tweet. Drake called the behavior “weird and disturbing.” Considering most—if not all—of these funny women haven’t really responded to his thirst tweets and Instagrams, maybe he shouldn’t be so picky. But we love you Amanda!