Image via Complex Original
You know Joe Jonas as one-third of virginal Disney teen-rock heartthrob act the Jonas Brothers. But do you know him as one of the biggest players in Hollywood?
Let us explain: Yes, the Jonas Brothers all wore "purity rings" to demonstrate to the world that they wouldn't go to bed until legally wed. But even while supposedly not having sex, Joe was certainly getting around, whether it was with models, teen pop stars or other fellow Disney stars.
And tonight, The Next premieres on The CW, a show in which Joe is a celebrity mentor to hopeful young talent. He describes the show as "like taking Simple Life and American Idol and throwing them into one." That's nice, but we're pretty sure there's a better show to be made about the hot women Joe dated, dates, and, most importantly, will date in the years to come. It would have a similar title: Next!
Chelsea Staub
When: May 2010
Chelsea played Joe's girlfriend on the JONAS TV show, which meant the two shared an onscreen kiss. They were spotted shopping and walking around L.A. but they seem to have gone no further than BFF. And BFF means "best friends forever," not something dirty you could easily make up with those letters.
Smash probability: There was no friends-with-benefits situation brewing here. Otherwise, they would've had more chemistry on screen.
Mandy VanDuyne
When: 2004 - 2006
Mandy has been described as both a childhood friend of Joe's and his first "girlfriend." Sort of like how you believe a Big Wheel is your first motorcycle.
Smash probability: We can debate whether the purity rings were truthful or a calculated cover-up, but we're not going to believe that Joe was having sex at 14.
AJ Michalka
When: 2006
Joe called it off ostensibly because of distance, but geography is nothing compared to the emotional distance Joe must have been feeling in his tender heart. "I'm always disappointed when I'm into a girl and she brushes off something that's really important to me," Joe told the press. "When I'm excited about something, I want to share it with the people I love, and if a girl isn't excited for me, or at least excited that it's making me happy, well, that's a sign that something is wrong." AJ, how could you?
Smash probability: He was an evangelically home-schooled 18-year-old, and she was a 16-year-old Christian rocker, and both were on the Disney payroll. You know that theory you have about how all these Disney teens are secretly debauched sex addicts? It is not going on in this case.
Jessica Pott
When: December 2011 - April 2012
There were reports of a hookup in New York in December 2011, but it wasn't until April 2012 that we got photographic evidence of the two being boyfriend-girlfriend in public. Some reports even had Joe moving a pile of stuff (hers, by implication) into his apartment.
Smash probability: The purity ring is at the bottom of a lake in Middle Earth at this point, and she's a hot model (who may or may not have taken permanent residence in his home/bed). Really, who wouldn't?
Taylor Swift
When: July 2008 - October 2008
The two began dating in July 2008, when both were 18, much to the excitement of tween fans everywhere. By October, it had run its sickeningly chaste course and both moved on to spread their virtue to those more in need.
Smash probability: They were together when both were promoting their virginity in the press, so it's safe to assume they never did the deed.
Demi Lovato
When: March 2010 - May 2010
Camp Rock co-stars Joe and Demi definitely dated: Demi confirmed on March 12, 2010 that they were an item. But on May 24th, Demi, who was on the verge of checking into a rehab facility for "physical and emotional issues," tweeted that they'd broken up. Later, Joe would tell Us Weekly that it was his decision to break up with her after realizing he cared more about her as a friend.
Smash probability: Judging by Joe's statement, we wouldn't be surprised if he felt too brotherly towards her to get physical.
Karlie Kloss
When: July 2011
Karlie Kloss was an 18-year-old model who'd done advertisements for Dior, Oscar de la Renta, Marc Jacobs and Chloe. She grew up in the Midwest and is three years younger than Joe. In other words, she fits the profile of a Jonas Brothers teenybopper fan. And as for their sighting together, the two watched Prince William play polo in Santa Barbara and took some goofy pictures in a photo booth.
Smash probability: Sometimes a polo match is just a polo match. With just a little effort, Joe probably could have made it happen, but we see no follow-through.
Camilla Belle
When: September 2008 - July 2009
Rumor had it that actress Camilla Belle was the reason Joe and Taylor Swift broke up. Rumor also had it that Camilla was unfaithful to Joe with Robert Pattinson and her ex-boyfriend, tennis player Fernando Verdasco. As the wheels were falling off, Joe reportedly started crying during a Jonas Brothers concert and changed the lyrics of a song from "Get a rep for breakin' hearts / Now I'm done with superstars" to "Get a rep for breakin' hearts, now I'm done with movie stars." Total Taylor swift move!
Smash probability: Another rumor had it that Camilla pulled the ripcord because she just couldn't take celibacy anymore. How this one lasted six months (or longer) is beyond us.
Ashley Greene
When: September 2010 - March 2011
Following his split from Demi Lovato in May 2010, Joe stepped it up with his first big-boy girlfriend: Ashley Greene. Ashley was a model and actress lusted after by many thanks to two Twilight films and a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue body-painting feature, while Demi was simply a Disney darling.
Smash probability: When Joe and Ashley came out as a couple, every tabloid report noted that Joe's famous purity ring was gone. Enough said.
Nina Agdal
When: March 2012
Last March, Joe and Nina were spotted out on the town in Miami, and although they were only rumored to be together romantically, we have to admit we're actually hoping that Joe got in on this one. Nina is fire as the newest Sports Illustrated model and arguably the hottest one since Kate Upton. She's Danish and 19, he's 23 and finally ready to start living like it.
Smash probability: The rumors came and went, but look where Joe is at right now: Ashley Greene and two other models are in his track record. His history says it all.