Image via Complex Original
The dating scene is a complete free-for-all. Every weekend, millions of men across the country rush into bars, hoping to spot an interesting single girl to strike up a conversation with. While this may seem simple in theory, in practice it’s more intimidating than a job interview. That’s why it’s absolutely vital to bring a wingman with you to take the pressure off and help you find the right girl to approach.
The problem is that finding a proper wingman in the real world is nearly an impossible task. And why go hard when you can go HARDER? In the world of comic books, the perfect wingman can be found on nearly every panel. And as you’d imagine, most of the best wingmen wouldn’t be found wearing spandex and saving little old ladies from purse snatchers; instead, it’s the super villains themselves that would be the best wingmen as we go on to illustrate.
If you want to go out and conquer the night, have your best friend look over this list of 10 Super Villains Who Would Actually Make Awesome Wingmen in order to get tips on how a proper wingman should act. Choosing harder never felt so right.
Loki
One of the most important jobs of a wingman is to make you look good. In an ideal world, a wingman can sell you better than you sell yourself—telling girls how successful you are or speaking in awe about your impressive bench press skills at the gym. And that’s exactly why you need a smooth-talker by your side when approaching a group of single women.
Loki is best known for being the God of Mischief, but he also has a silver tongue that would work in anyone’s favor at a bar. If Loki can manipulate inter-dimensional wars without breaking a sweat, talking you up to a good looking girl should be a cinch.
Lex Luthor
Lex Luthor may be a high-functioning sociopath, but he brings one thing to the table that all wingmen should have: he’s a master planner. This is a man who has orchestrated countless schemes to defeat both Superman and the entire Justice League, and while he’s not always successful, he’s always thinking ten steps ahead of the average villain. His meticulous nature makes him the perfect man to have by your side at any bar.
Luthor is perfectly suited to scope the crowd, find the most attractive group of women, and put in place a plan of attack that almost guarantees a successful night. He’s a master of psychology and manipulation, and can also feed you the perfect pickup lines throughout the night. He’s like a bald Cyrano de Bergerac in a nuclear-powered suit of armor.
Ra's al Ghul
What better way to show off your sophistication than by hanging around a 200-year-old aristocrat with a genius-level intellect and a bank account that puts most nations to shame? Sure Ra’s al Ghul is a homicidal eco-terrorist, but he also brings a level of class to the party that plays well with the cocktail crowd.
Ra’s is the rare wingman that makes you look better just by mere association. Only the most powerful men can stand in his presence, and that bodes well for you in the eyes of the fairer sex. Plus, he’s so busy with all of his megalomaniacal schemes that he can’t be bothered to call an audible and go after anyone you have your eye on.
Harry Osborn
When he’s sane, Harry Osborn is a pretty valuable asset to have with you while scoping out women at a bar. Not only can he talk a good game and attract a crowd, but he’s shown in the past that he takes in active role in trying to get his friends (mostly Peter Parker) laid. Frankly, you can’t ask for a better quality in a wingman than that. Where Harry really shines, though, is in the wallet.
The dude is absolutely loaded, and he seems more than generous when it comes to helping his friends out. Hell, he hooked Peter up with a penthouse apartment at one point rent free only months before trying to kill him as the Green Goblin. As long as the dude isn’t hopped up on Goblin serum, you can expect the bottles to keep coming all night.
Bane
Sometimes you just need a wingman to keep other guys off your back, so it never hurts to have Bane by your side working crowd control. Who is going to step on your toes while you’re talking to a group of girls if this masked behemoth is standing over your shoulder? It may sound petty, but it’s survival of the fittest in single life, and you need all of the advantages you can get.
Thankfully Bane isn’t all brawn, though. This bruiser is also a master strategist who can coach you up on how to approach the girl who catches your eye and the best way strike up a conversation with her. Remember, this is the man who broke the Batman after all, so navigating the bar scene shouldn’t be a problem.
Kang the Conqueror
We’re not sure a would-be dictator like Kang the Conqueror would spend much of his time hanging around bars helping you pick up women, but he would be invaluable if he ever did. The thing about Kang is that in addition to his genius intellect and near-immortality, he also has access to time traveling equipment.
Why is time traveling so important in your quest to pick up girls at a bar? Well, if you blow your chances with a girl by spilling your drink in her lap or calling her by the wrong name, you can always have Kang turn the clock back to erase that faux pas from existence, giving you a new lease on life.
Deathstroke
As a master assassin, Deathstroke is an expert at studying human behavior before attacking. How does this make him a great wingman? Simple. He can observe multiple groups of women in a bar at once in order to see which one would be most appealing for your preferences.
Whether you’re into funny girls, bookish types, or a sports head, Deathstroke can monitor their mannerisms, movements, and read their lips to find the perfect one for you. What’s even better is that once you approach a group for a friendly conversation, Deathstroke knows exactly how to stealthily slink back into the shadows so you can have some privacy. We just suggest that he check his swords at the door, though.
The Penguin
There’s nothing better than a friend with deep pockets, especially if he’s serving as your wingman for the night. The Penguin is one of the wealthiest and most powerful super villains in all of comics. He owns his own club (which is sure to impress all-comers), and he runs a criminal empire that is at his constant command. To have those resources at your disposal on the singles scene is invaluable.
Plus, have you seen Penguin? He’s a shade under 5-feet-tall and is shaped like a ripe honeydew. You’ll never have to worry about this dude walking away with your dream girl. There’s nothing more satisfying than buying drinks for a cute girl and all her friends, while putting it all on your rich, portly friend’s tab.
The Jester
The funny guy is great because not only can he break the ice between you and a group of girls at a bar, but it’s a scientifically-proven fact that these comedians usually wind up going home alone. That’s why a lifelong C-lister like The Jester makes for an ideal wingman. His ability to crack jokes lightens up the mood and lets you get comfortable as you get to know the girls at the bar better. What’s even better is that his goofy get-up and criminal record pretty much ensure that any female’s interest in him ends after the punch line.
Toad
He may be ugly, but it turns out that Toad is an ideal wingman. In the comics, Toad is one of Magneto’s most trusted henchmen. He does whatever his master says, no questions asked. This pliable personality is everything you want by your side at a bar. Whatever you tell him to do, or not to do, will be listened to—and that’s vital in the bar scene.
Too many times wingmen try to improvise or move in on your turf; that’s not something you’ll have to deal with when Toad is tagging along with you. If you need him to distract a cute girl’s friend, no problem. If you want him to buy a round of drinks and give you the credit, he’ll do it. Plus, if you’re on the paranoid side, Toad’s grotesque appearance can only make you look better by comparison.