Image via Complex Original
Here we go. The time has come to embark on the journey that is summer in Corporate America. Where the emails are a little less passive-aggressive and the ill-timed man shorts are a lot more aggressive-aggressive. Regardless of the outfit faux pas made by a handful of predictably over-zealous coworkers, summer in the workplace is a beautiful time. People are generally happier, which means less people get fired and more people can get away with trouble. The good kind of trouble, not that embezzle like an idiot kind of trouble. Unless what you're embezzling is office stationery, then it’s okay, as everyone knows free office supplies are the unspoken Christmas bonus.
Now, I know most of you don’t need a list of reasons to skip work, so please don’t take the following as patronizing or condescending. Think of it more as a series of suggestions whose purpose is to remind you that living life on your terms is far more important than spending your Friday afternoons somberly staring out a grimy, 11th-floor office window because corporate guilt has you by the proverbial throat. With that said, be smart about it. Don’t go getting all kinds of fired because some freelance writer convinced you that summer is only fun if you shirk the responsibilities of modern society for a few extra hours of basking in the warm embrace of our closest star. Okay, enough of all this lofty rhetoric. Here are 10 Reasons Why Skipping Work Today is a Strong Move.
Because adventure awaits.
There’s so much to be conquered waiting for you outside that revolving office door. So many activities that remind us how much fun life can be if we just become one with nature. Okay, that might be a stretch. I’m also not entirely sure that’s even physically possible, but you know what I’m saying. Go to the park and toss the frisbee around. Drive down to the shore and take a sailing lesson or a surfing lesson if the tide is in your favor. Summer is hands down the best time to adventure, so why not take Monday-Thursday to plot your escape, then come Friday—Boom!—let the journey begin. Dig deep and find that wild imagination that once fueled your adolescence. It’s still in there, I know it is.
Because summer tunes must be heard.
Summer is the season to rock, so get out there and rock. Jamming to outdoor tunes should be the top priority of the summer, every summer. There’s absolutely no excuse to not make that happen, because there is literally some sort of summer concert series in every town in America. Even if it’s just some local bands putting their dreams on the line for your enjoyment, it will still be awesome. Maybe even spice it up a bit. Cut out on Friday morning and drive to a town you’ve never been to before just for their local summer concert. That’s an adventure and summer tunage all rolled into one.
Because it's work.
Work is well…work. It fills a lot of the summer’s fun hour with activities that are the complete opposite of fun. I’m sorry if you’re one of those few people who love your job and/or have convinced yourself you love your job, but even you would rather be soaking up some rays than soaking up Ray, your cubicle mate that eats cabbage for lunch three times a week. Heck, take Ray with you when you dip out of work early. He’s probably a lot of fun out in the real world. Or he could be a living nightmare, but hey, it’s still not being inside your office. Get out there. Escape the cold-hearted glares of disapproving coworkers. Break free from the clutches of “constructive” client feedback. Make summer your mistress, it doesn’t mind. In fact, it prefers it that way.
Because the beach exists.
I mean, let’s be honest with one another here. This list really only needs one reason and this puppy is it. If you’re fortunate enough to live in a coastal town or city, or are close enough to one of those land-locked lake beaches (gross), the beach is your perennial warm weather motivator. Everything great happens at the beach. Ice cream. Waves. Old guys with big gold chains eating ice cream while riding waves. The beach is the raddest thing Mother Nature gave us that isn’t Bill Murray. But, Bill Murray loves the beach, and he’s the best, so if you don’t love the beach then Bill Murray doesn’t love you. I’m sorry, but it’s true.
Because you survived the winter.
Even if you live in the North American paradise that is California, you still hate winter. Those brisk 67-degree January afternoons really eat you up inside, don’t they. Well, why don’t you try and brave a real winter over here on the East Coast and then come talk to…okay, I'm sorry. I’m sorry, California. I derailed there for a second. I didn’t mean it, I promise. It’s just been a rough one in our neck of the woods and it takes a while for our cold, East Coast hearts to thaw out. Anyways, the point is, that most of us spend our winters cooped up in cold, dark office buildings and or apartments, so it’s only right that one rewards oneself with a four-day summer week every now and again. There are only twelve summer Fridays, do the right thing and enjoy every one of them.
Because bragging rights exist.
Passive aggression is the backbone of Corporate America. It can do a great job of scaring, I mean motivating, you into doing whatever your bosses feel is right. Which is mainly working late and never taking a day off, but there are those who refuse to succumb to such scare tactics. Those who look their superiors dead in the eye (or just to the left of it) and say, “Not today, sir. Not today.” And it is the duty of those champions of creature comforts to remind their weaker-willed counterparts what an awful job they’re doing at enjoying the season of all seasons. Rub their face in it, all the way in it. They’re adults, they should know better. There is no room for compassion in the Summer Friday game. Absolutely none.
Because she asked you to.
We’ve all gone out of our way to win the affection of a love interest. Way out of our way. I didn’t want to find out how good I was at needlepoint, but she sure did. So here we go eight-week community college night school couples class. Here. We. Go. But love is blind. Love knows no bounds. Love is about making sacrifices, and in this case, dipping out of work because your number-one babe wants to spend the day with you is a win-win for everyone. Go to the beach. Go for a drive. Go for a walk in a park till you’re both exhausted. Whatever activity you choose is of no consequence to either one of you because it’s Friday and it’s summer and you’re together.
Because your muscles are bigger.
We’re all very familiar with the pressures we impose on ourselves come March and April. Two more months to get ripped. One more month to get ripped. No more months to get ripped. Damnit. There’s a low success rate for getting your situation summer-ready, but if you did manage to pull it off, you owe it to yourself (and the hard work you put in) to get out there and revel in your own accomplishments. I know that may sound vain or narcissistic, but that’s because it is. What other reason would one subject oneself to a 6 a.m. alarm, four days a week, for three months, if not purely for vanity’s sake? I mean, people probably won’t be at all impressed with what you’ve done, but you will be. And that’s what matters.
Because everyone looks good tan.
A golden brown complexion is the summer’s greatest equalizer. Everyone looks good tan. Everyone. It takes some seriously great genetics to impress friends and strangers alike amidst the sea of pasty winter warriors. So don’t go beating yourself up if your winter consisted of solo Netflix binges and unrequited subway smiles. The time has come to get the easiest boost of self-confidence known to mankind, that butter pecan tan. Maybe your first few Summer Fridays are spent alone, on your roof, cooking up a healthy base layer. Start small. Build up some momentum before motoring that little engine over to the big leagues. And by “big leagues” I mean really anywhere other adults will see you with your shirt off.
Because it's the summer.
Now we’ve reached the final and most obvious reason skipping work is a strong move: because it’s the summer. This is it. This is what we’ve all been waiting for, what we’ve all been complaining about for the past six months. If you’re going to talk/complain a big game, you better be able follow it up by playing a big game. Bosses and managers are the first ones out the door to enjoy a Summer Friday. Sure, they lay on some guilt trip as to why you should stick around, but that’s just to make themselves feel better. You’re the last thing on their mind once they step out that front door. Give it 15 minutes, pack up your stuff, don’t say goodbye, and go experience a beautiful Summer Friday like the king of life we all know you are.