Image via Complex Original
On Oct. 7, 2003 Californians decided to recall Governor Gray Davis and peg Arnold Schwarzenegger as his replacement. Arnold had never held public office in his life, and the closest thing he had to a qualification was George H.W. Bush naming him chairman to the President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports and nicknaming him "Conan the Republican." Still, Schwarzenegger garnered 48.6 percent of the vote and went on to secure a second term with 56 percent in 2006. And by the time he left office in 2011, Arnold the Governator no longer seemed like such a weird thing.
One could have expected Schwarzenegger to carry the seriousness of politics into his post-gubernatorial life, but they would have been dead wrong. His behavior has been even more bizarre than George W. Bush taking up painting. Dude has returned to his action hero roots and doubled down by acting them out in his real life. When he's not blowing shit up on camera he's doing it on his own land. And when he's not doing that he's making viral videos and posting on reddit. Arnold is either losing his mind or living out the most colorful post-political life of all-time. Read through the below timeline of what may be the mental degeneration of Arnold Schwarzenegger and see if you can figure out what the hell is happening.
Arnold Returns to Acting
Date: Feb. 2011
Just a month after his second term ended, Schwarzenegger hit Twitter with the announcement we’d all been waiting for. Save for a brief, uncredited appearance in The Expendables, Arnold hadn’t appeared in a movie since 2005’s The Kid and I. And it’s amusing to think his agency was actively hitting him up about movie offers when he was clearly too busy doing the ass kissing that is politics to do any ass kicking onscreen. Alas, the ass kicking could commence.
Arnold Announces 'The Governator' Comic and Cartoon
Date: March 2011
One of Arnold’s first announced projects post-governorship was a comic book and cartoon series dubbed The Governator. The legendary Stan Lee was onboard for both and said the story would jump from Schwarzenegger's real life to his new career as a crime fighter. Maria Shriver and his kids were supposed to be involved as well, which was probably a major contributor to both of the projects being scrapped in the wake of his infidelity scandal.
Arnold Makes Comeback in 'The Expendables 2'
Date: Aug. 2012
Arnold couldn’t have picked a better flick for his full return to acting than the clusterfuck of explosions and testosterone that is The Expendables 2. Him and the crew of Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Chuck Norris, and Bruce Willis are responsible for approximately 90 percent of every on-screen killing since the ‘70s. And adding Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson, and Wesley Snipes in The Expendables 3 took that figure up to at least 95 percent. The Expendables is peak Schwarzenegger.
Arnold Becomes an Active Reddit User
Date: Jan. 2013
As soon as you begin posting on reddit you’re automatically inducted into the club of crazy people. Arnold himself is a part of the club, and he’s gone beyond using the site for self promotion as many celebrities do. He periodically posts in r/fitness and even comments on other user’s posts without solicitation. Here’s his response to a user who asked if anyone had ever reached their fitness goal: “No, that’s the best thing about fitness. There is always a new challenge. Each goal achieved leads into the next, bigger goal.”
Arnold Becomes a Magazine Editor
Date: March 2013
Oh, you thought Arnold was just a meathead? You thought wrong, fam. Our boy from Austria is lowkey a nerd like the rest of us journalists and returned to his gig as an executive editor for Muscle and Fitness and Flex magazines in 2013. In addition to creative and strategic input, Schwarzenegger began writing contributing monthly columns to the magazines.
Arnold Announces 'The Legend of Conan'
Date: July 2013
Seriously, this dude will not let his old franchises die. In 2013 a Conan threequel was announced with Schwarzenegger back as the scantily clad, headbanded lead. Two years later our lives are still devoid of Conan, but producer Chris Morgan insists production is still underway and said Straight Outta Compton writer Andrea Berloff is nearly finished with the script. Smart money has this as the better of Arnold’s reboots.
Arnold Works at Gold's Gym
Date: Jan. 2014
Last year Arnold continued his penchant for virality by going undercover at a Gold’s Gym. But little did he know no wig or fake mustache could fool people in the presence of a gargantuan man with an Austrian accent thicker than his arms. His advice ranged from bizarre (“Usually we do 10 reps of everything, so do another rep of water drinking) to necessarily harsh (“This is Gold’s Gym; this is not a baby gym”).
Arnold Crushes Things With a Tank
Date: May 2015
Arnold’s net worth is estimated to be around $300 million, allowing his imagination to run wild while picking out his new toys. Last year he did what any reasonable man would do with nine figures and copped himself a tank with his name painted on the side. Despite the seemingly gratuitous purchase, he wasn’t selfish about it. He invited a lucky fan to come enjoy a day of mayhem while raising money for charity. And or those of us who missed out, he uploaded a grip of “Will It Blend?”-inspired videos in his “Will It Crush?” series.
Arnold Makes a "Guide to Blowing Shit Up"
Date: May 2015
In another move that makes it hard to separate Arnold the person from Arnold the action star, Schwarzenegger followed up last year’s “Will It Crush?” with his guide to blowing shit up. And once again he’s selling raffle tickets to pick a fan to join in on the explosive debauchery. His sunglasses can’t even hide the fire in his eyes as he laughs maniacally and threatens his “neighbor” with a rocket launcher after he had the nerve to bring up city code.
Arnold Returns to 'Terminator' Series
Date: July 2015
No one needed a fifth Terminator. Not even Arnold. But that didn’t stop him from returning the series after a superfluous fourth film was already made without him in 2009. He was just dying to say “I’ll Be Back” one more time on camera and in character—a catch phrase now so old it predates co-stars Jai Courtney and Emilia Clarke by two years.
The Verdict
Has Arnold Schwarzenegger indeed lost his mind? Nah, that seems too harsh. Dude is just the embodiment of our life goals at age six. His list of titles—actor, politician, body builder, viral star, all around bro—would have been deemed too fantastical if we put it on our goals list in kindergarten. He gets paid to blow shit up on camera and subsequently spends that hard-earned money on blowing more shit up because he's never lost his dinosaur. He's a real-life action figure, and if that's crazy what are all even aspiring to? Those eight years of literal political correctness were just an intermission for the true, black-powder-infused Arnold.