Image via Complex Original
We can’t endorse certain skills that action heroes have—it is simply too much power for your Average Joe. Most guys shouldn’t know how to fire two machine guns at the same time while yelling for people to get into a chopper. If you get shot, do not continue what you were doing—try to get to a hospital. Plus, not everyone can afford a Batman utility belt, so there goes the accessories. But there are at least 10 Action Hero Skills Every Guy Should Know, and it’s a surefire way to become a badass gentleman.
Apathy Towards Explosions
This is the ultimate move a guy could pull, not only in an action movie, but life itself. If you are just not impressed by explosions happening behind you, congratulations, here’s your B.A. diploma. You are a certified Bad Ass. Are you so unimpressed that you seem to walk in slow motion with chaos going on behind you? If so, get ready for women to ask you to impregnate them with your fearless sperm. While everyone else is ducking for cover and screaming, you’ll already be in your car with 1000 phone numbers for possible hookups, far away from the crime scene.
Ability to Drive Anything
If people are already impressed that you know how to drive a stick-shift, then it’s time to up your ante. Don’t be satisfied that you can drive a manual and an automatic—anyone can do that. Get your motorcycle license, your boat license, your uh…airplane (is that it?) license. Figure out how helicopters fly. Try to get your ass behind a tank. Hell, get into a battery-powered child-size Barbie dream car. If it’s driveable, then you better know how to drive it.
Throw a Punch
There aren’t a lot of things men pass down to their sons nowadays. Their grandfather’s pocket watch, a receding hairline, a spirit that has haunted the youngest male in the family line for generations…and, of course, how to throw punch. The lesson is shared sometime before their entrance into high school and is not often used—unless you find yourself in a bar fight defending a lady, or against a bank robber in an action movie.
Master of One-Liners
Not only do you have to be quick on your feet with a retaliation punch, but you also have to ready with witty retorts. It’s a tough job, but often the thing that separates a meathead from a hero is a good comeback.
Overcoming Your Greatest Challenge, Which is Actually Lame
You saved the day, a bad guy has lost, you’re bruised and bloody, and that bulletproof vest really came in handy, but it never prepared you for the greatest challenge of your life: being a good father. Or something equally as lame. Everyone’s all happy you destroyed the invasion of aliens, but what about your girlfriend who fought with you about going into battle? How does she feel? Will you be a good man to her now?
Holding a Love Interest in One Arm, While Your Other Hand is Doing Something Else
Multitasking isn’t every man’s greatest talent, that’s why it’s so impressive that a guy can hold on to his love interest while doing something different with his other hand. For example: hanging from a cliff, firing a gun, or eating potato salad.
Knife Throwing
If you have a tree, a knife, and no one around who could get hurt, then there’s no excuse not to practice your knife throwing. But do it in your own backyard. We’re sure the NYPD does not want calls about some vigilante tossing knives around in Central Park. Actually, you know what, this is probably a bad idea. Skip this one, just skip it.
Cooking
Sure, you see a lot of action heroes out to dinner with their sweet bae, but something always happens to interrupt them. They get some bread on the table—which the hero doesn’t eat because he’s on a no-carb diet—they get their drinks, and maybe they even get to order. But then, of course, a bad guy comes crashing through the window. Or they get a phone call and guess what? Their daughter has been kidnapped. These guys have to learn how to cook, it’s a necessary life skill. They don’t get a moment’s peace at a restaurant, and ordering delivery is an invitation to let a bad guy to pull out a weapon instead of a pizza just outside their home.
Ordering a Drink
This one goes without saying, doesn’t it? James Bond comes to mind instantly, and he probably inspires a lot of eye rolls from bartenders. Like, “Yeah, I know how to make a martini. Don’t tell me how to do my job, sir. I don’t tell you the best way to throw terrorists off a moving train.” Regardless, it’s pretty impressive when a guy can order a neat and quick drink at a bar. Have a quick order, and leave a nice tip.
Using Your Everyday, Normal-Guy Job to Save the Day
A lot of action heroes have boring, mundane jobs, to help you feel better about your own job. Maybe someday, instead of punching a time card, you could be punching a bad guy. But that doesn’t mean your job is useless. Are you a librarian? Use a book to hit a bad guy or let it teach you how to combat an evil curse. Are you a teacher? Pencil sharpeners and extremities do not mix—use that to your advantage. Are you a doctor? You’re saving lives, dude, and probably don’t have the time to read this—you aren’t a doctor at all, are you?