The Best Excuses Gamers Use to Stay in and Marathon

The beach is overrated.

Unless you live within walking distance the entire task of preparing, commuting, and fortifying a position on what is, essentially, a giant outdoor ashtray is never worth the time invested. As summer comes to a welcome close, Labor Day weekend will see one final wave of at-risk, future skin cancer survivors head to the closest beachfront for one last searing day under the world's largest ozone tear. Thanks, but no thanks.

We'd rather get some hours logged. Many people won't understand the desire to forgo the beach and get in a deep marathon session. To those individuals we present the following: The 10 Best Excuses Gamers Use to Stay in and Marathon.

Sure, you might not ever need one, but if you want to spend the whole weekend in front of a screen, this is America, and you can do whatever you want.

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Believability: %100

Being underage sucks. Can't get into the club, can't go to the liquor store, gotta rely on the charity of the homeless dude outside the gas station to buy you a case of Schlitz. It's an all around bummer. What the hell else is an underage kid going to do but master every annual first person shooter between sessions of fucking the sleeve of his favorite winter coat? Ever wonder why the online community for some games can be so toxic? The overwhelming population of sexually frustrated, house arrested pre-pubescents is a good place to start.

Believability: %50

Trying to convince someone that you shaking your ass to The Black Eyed Peas on Just Dance counts as your workout for the day is the same as trying to convince someone that eating half of your fourth taco is dieting. That shit is suspect.

But people have lost a ton of weight playing Dance Dance Revolution, using the Wii Fit, and, yes, (shudder) Let's Dance. There's always a chance that you'll get some eye rolls from naysayers, but losing your love handles while shaking your ass to Samba de Amigo is not the worst idea you've had.

Believability: %20

Obviously achievements and trophies are a welcome addition in this last generation of consoles. We're sure they're going to be a great addition to the next generation as well, however, some gamers/addicts have been known to spend their time grinding in otherwise forgettable shovelware just to increase their gamerscore. It's an epidemic. We understand if you're trying to perfect Bioshock: Infinite, but when you find yourself shaking in your underwear playing Aliens: Colonial Marines for a 'bug hunter' trophy, it may be time for an intervention.

Believability: %40

While storming the Temple of Ahn'Qiraj with 40 other World of Warcraft players may seem like a pressing engagement to you, literally no one else could care. Also, let's be honest, who the hell is still playing World of Warcraft? The reasoning behind having a pre-determined meet up time is a sound one: many can accomplish what few cannot. It's an effective excuse, as long as it's being used on someone who knows the value of grinding for epic loot.

Believability: %55

You may very well be on your way to starting up at Full Sail University for game design, but this excuse is thin at best. You may be convincing others that you are taking notes on level design, demolition physics, and character animation, but really what we both know you are doing is justifying that stiffness in your ass after hour 6 in front of Far Cry 3.

It's a good excuse to the uninitiated, but use sparingly.

Believability: %90

This one actually goes a lot further in justifying your credibility as a spend thrift AND a devoted gamer. Think about it: you've invested in the console, a whole library of titles, and there's a good chance you a have a few games on your shame stack that need revisiting. What better way is there to avoid racking up an $80 bar tab on a Saturday night than staying in and never touching that wallet?

Believability: %100

Not all members of the online community act with the purest of intentions. Race baiting, homophobic little shits need to be taught a lesson. Sure, it's not pretty to sink to their level, but decorum must sometimes be put aside so that a lesson is learned. I'll gladly throw good behavior out the window if it means making someone, who totally deserves it, experience awful enough they just leave. Griefing isn't always pretty, but must occasionally be done for the greater good.

It's an excellent excuse if someone truly deserves it.

Believability: %85

"I've got a world to save" sounds better in your head, trust. Before you start trying to justify that your town in Animal Crossing is suffering without your constant presencse, take a moment to think about what it really is that you're doing: escapism. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Nobody else gives a shit about whether or not one of your Sims is dating someone new. We all need a break from our job, our crippling student debt, and the existential dread that is the modern human condition. Picking up a DMR as Master Chief and spending a couple hours running Slayer is the perfect antidote.

Believability: %35

Being competent in DoTA, League of Legends, or Marvel vs Capcom 3 takes an incredible amount of invested time. Attempting to compete on a professional level in the realm of eSports will cost you, literally, countless hours honing your skills. Training for days and weeks to be in competitive form is equal parts grueling and rewarding. This excuse is perfect and wholly justified if you've got your eyes set on Evo 2014, but trying to pass it off to the laymen will garner a guaranteed eye roll.