Image via Complex Original
What makes Mario Kart the dynamo that it is, is the constant mayhem. The constant lead changes. You're always one screw up away from dropping from first to fourth. On a road littered with banana peels and blue shells, the stress of first place is the video game equivalent of directing air traffic. That being said, the tracks are the unsung heroes. With so many hours sunk into this series from preschool to college dorms and beyond, the game(s) would quickly get stale if the tracks sucked. You need an arena to lay those peels. You need wide open courses for all-out carnage, in addition to narrow corridors that force confrontation. These reasons and more are why we chose to highlight the Top 10.
Now he's a quick disclaimer for all you old school enthusiasts. The holdout gamers who prefer 16-bit sprites to today's HD gaming. Initially we intended to put in a track as a token nod to the original on the Super Nintendo. We have respect for a gaming pioneer. Unfortunately, they're all terrible. To post one would be a lie. You want to see the best course from that game? Click here, and tell us we made the wrong choice. Simply put, the technology of 1992 just couldn't hold up to future iterations.
With Mario Kart 8 coming out in two weeks, we figure now’s as good a time as ever to take a look back. Especially since the early buzz is that the incoming courses are excellent. In a few months we may forget these gems from the series’ past. Like casting away your 17-year-old dog son for a new puppy our old memories may be forgotten. So before we look forward, we look back. Here are the 10 Best Mario Kart Courses of All Time.
RELATED: "Mario Kart 8" Has 32 Courses, Half New and Half "Remixed" (Video)
RELATED: Cop or Drop: Nintendo Delivers a Game Changer With "Mario Kart 8"
Honorable Mention: Rosalina's Ice World
Game: Mario Kart 7 (3DS)
We know there's going to be trust issues going forward as we told you 10 and now we're bringing you 11. We agree, that was a dirty fucking trick. Sorry for that, but Rosalina's World deserves a shout-out for bringing us the only time in our lives where we enjoyed driving on ice. Tight winding turns, canyons with no rails for safety This one put some hair on your nuts. When you get a full race going position is absolutely key, even more so than most courses. Box out the inside, or bump your opponent into the bottomless abyss. We were hoping this would be a retro fit for Mario Kart 8 so we could play it on our TVs, but Nintendo really let us down when they unveiled the list and it was absent. Damn. This is what disappointment feels like? Now we know how our parents feel.
10. Dino Dino Jungle
Game: Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GC)
I'm going to preface this by saying: I could've probably put 10 of the 16 GameCube tracks in this list and ignored the other half dozen games in the series. Double Dash!! is my favorite multiplayer game of all-time and probably in my "Top Five Games" period. That being said, Dino Dino Jungle is rarely held up in the esteem of the games top courses. With that I respectfully disagree. If you prefer your races prehistoric, your turns winding, a make-or-break bridge with no rails to protect you from a watery fate, and end of race geysers that can flip an outcome at the finish, then this course has got to be your go-to.
9. Maple Treeway
Game: Mario Kart Wii (Wii)
When you look to the fact that Nintendo has about eight series' from Animal Crossing to Zelda keeping them from extinction, you accept their (routine) because the games are great, but you essentially know what you're in for. That's true in Mario Kart as well. You got your snow level, beaches, castles, volcanoes, uh...fifth thing. With that ingrained cynicism it was nice to have a "fresh" idea worm its way into our gaming apple. Maple Treeway combined a really catchy tune with everything we love about fall; including our favorite autumn pastime: driving through leaf piles after a neighbor busted his ass raking all day.
8. Tick Tock Clock
Game: Mario Kart DS (DS)
You may notice (or will notice) an inherent bias on this list against handheld titles. You got us. It's definitely intentional. We just always preferred our karting chaos divided on a screen as opposed to linked-up/wifi/whatever. So for us to make an exception for Tick Tock Clock tells you a lot about the high regard we hold it in. Now, we concede the video quality sucks (it is a handheld after all) but it won't for long, as you'll be happy to know that this track is getting an HD update in MK8.
7. Bowser's Castle
Game: Mario Kart 64 (N64)
If the Bowser's Castle from Double Dash!! was your preference, then we accept your lifestyle choice. That course was a worthy successor. But for the sake of this list we chose it's 64-bit counterpart, which wasn't nearly as easy as that god on wheels above makes it look. You had a variety of obstacles to avoid, a lengthy track to make up ground, and dark, brooding music punctuated by the laughter of Satan himself.
6. Waluigi Pinball
Game: Mario Kart DS (DS)
Did you ever wonder what it was like to be stuck in a pinball machine? No. Of course not. What kind of fucking question is that?
Oh...
Well, Waluigi Pinball was still the cream of the DS crop. It was visually stunning, music was great (you'd be surprised by how much of a difference that makes), and like so many of the courses on this list it was unique. The bright lights and casino look gave us the feel of racing in a slot machine and like we said in the Maple Treeway slide, that out of the box thinking is what sets many of these apart.
5. Wario Colosseum
Game: Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GC)
Wario Colosseum shares a lot of visual similarities with Waluigi Pinball and has more twist and turns than a season of Sons of Anarchy. For the sake of showing you each course quickly we opted to go for Time Trials in our videos, but when this track is filled with three buddies (or seven computer foes) the manic meter really gets jacked up.
Rarely does a course deviate from the tried-and-true three lap MK formula, but Wario Colosseum is that rare exception to the rule. The turns, the jumps, the constant turboing, that's what a great advanced track is made of. This is a real Colosseum and makes us forget all about that decaying POS in Rome.
4. Wario Stadium
Game: Mario Kart 64 (N64)
In 2003, it was a "Colosseum." In 1997, it was a stadium. This offering from Wario was almost always the first course we delved into after firing up our 64's. It was a massive dirt bike arena and unlike nearly every other raceway, it had a crowd to give it context. Some fans may consider an enormous jump near the end of each lap as an Achilles heal. We have to disagree with that notion.
The reason we argue this position is because it was absolutely ripe for lightning attacks (for an excellent example of what we're talking about click here). That is why we loved it.. After all, it was the greatest way to screw a rival. MK is all about owning your competition, but sometimes a banana slip or red shell doesn't cut it. Those items only cause, like, a two second delay. If executed perfectly the lightning move forced your friend(s) to redo half the course and develop a growing resentment towards you that wouldn't manifest until years later. In essence it's the ultimate dick move, at least as far as a video game is concerned.
The rest of the track is also great, provided your opponents don't know how to do this.
3. Koopa Cape
Game: Mario Kart Wii (Wii)
For reasons we won't get into here, Mario Kart Wii was an extreme letdown. We'll call it the "Super Mario Bros. 2" of the franchise. Even the greats need mulligans. But Koopa Cape was a diamond in that rough. A race down a picturesque river that flips settings into a pipe. There's a reason everyone online picked it. Some courses are too cluttered, some are too barren. This one mixed both extremes perfectly, which allowed it to stand out as a bright spot in an otherwise dispiriting outing.
Like getting a king-sized Snickers in a trick-or-treat bag full of razor-bladed apples.
2. DK Mountain
Game: Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GC)
Like Jennifer Aniston, this course never gets old. The concept is simple. You go up the mountain. You go down the mountain. No need to overcomplicate things. But the tight ass turns combine with rolling boulders to give you the experience of Indiana Jones on a go-kart (which would've greatly improved that iconic scene). The ultimate wildcard of the track is the final straightaway which consists of a winding bridge that appears simple but is the final hurdle that has caused many-a-karter to blow certain victory. It's like having your own Lolo Jones moment in video game form.
1. Baby Park
Game: Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GC)
All this time we've been talking about innovation setting tracks apart only to unveil this seemingly dull raceway as our No. 1. The reality is that this most basic concept ever is also the greatest.
Detractors will point out that it's the most simplistic course in the history of the series. The developers probably put it together in 15 minutes. But those naysayers will just never understand how manically chaotic the quick seven lap frenzy is. Think about it, Mario Kart is addictive because of it's photo finishes and last second fuck-overs. So to have a course where opponents are never out of view, and by consequence always within striking distance, is an ideal situation. It's like the 100 meter dash if they allowed you to hit Usain Bolt with a blue shell. The fact that you're always a banana slip away from going first-to-last is the most endearing characteristic of the series.
When you think about it that way, this choice was a no-brainer.