Image via Complex Original
One of the problems in sports video games is that it’s hard to determine the generic characters from the elite. While some may kick ass on the field in real-life, they may not be as effective in the virtual world of competition. In honor of our favorites, we've compiled a list to celebrate those who gave us the most challenge in the pixilated realm. Here are The 25 Best Virtual Athletes In Video Games who tested our gaming skills and forced us to use the most hardcore strategies like a bootlegged Nick Saban to beat.
25. Tim Wakefield
Game: MLB The Show Series
The problem with videogame pitching is that every player comes off as the same. Besides a few stamina points and a couple different pitches Justin Verlander is indistinguishable from say, Scott Baker.
One of the few exceptions to the rule was Tim Wakefield who possessed the filthiest pitch in Sony's baseball series, his knuckleball. The ball dances like real life but with even more extreme breaks and turns. When Tim Wakefield throws his legendary 75 MPH fastball it looks about 103. If only The Show could provide this sort of simulation and identity to every pitcher then their advertisements would finally be worthy of the tagline "so real it's unreal."
24. Hoy Quarlow
Game: Super Punch-Out!!
Hoy Quarlow may be 78 years old and 100 pounds but he's still the toughest boxer in the game. We're not sure what made Hoy so difficult, maybe it was the fact that he kept you off balance, maybe it was his devastating Circle Fist move or maybe it was because they let him bring a fucking cane into the ring. It doesn't matter. Even though he's not the final fighter that you face, the Bruiser Brothers should be cake after setting him down for a 10 count.
23. Muhammad Ali
Game: Fight Night Round 4
Muhammad Ali on G.O.A.T. difficulty is the closest thing modern gamers will get to matching gloves with the infamous Tyson from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! Ali's speed was unmatched and his defense prevented you from ever landing a clean shot, also his stamina...good lord his stamina! Ali represented what may well be the final epic match up in boxing video games because in five years this sport will probably no longer exist.
22. Randy Moss
Game: NFL Street Series
He's the highest rated wideout in the game, has a full speed rating, and he has the height to out-jump the opposition for easy interceptions (every player plays both ways). What does all that add up to? Straight cash homie.
21. Eric Koston
Game: Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 And 3
This is one of the rare instances in video games where the guy on the cover isn't the best in his own game. Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 added manuals which made stringing together ridiculously long combos possible. Koston had the best overall average of balance on lips, rails and the aforementioned all-important manual making his point totals practically unmatchable.
20. Zack Greinke
Game: MVP 2005
We doubt many people picked the Royals as their team of choice (after all they're the worst team in the game). But, if you fire this baby up you'll realize there's no better pitcher for stifling your buddy than Zack Greinke. That's because Greinke has a 59 MPH curveball that is a video game eephus (a lob), which will keep your friends more off-balance than a freshman's first St. Patrick's Day on campus.
19. King
Game: Virtua Tennis
King was actually an unlockable "boss" and was known in game as the "perfect player." The thing about King was that he was actually kind of smart; just like an old chess program it was fun to match wits with a videogame opponent who was difficult but didn't resort to cheating. After you top King solo you had to play him with his equally humble doubles partner "Master." The doubles match is much simpler as King was no doubt dejected after a humbling loss worthy of a jackoff who calls himself "King."
18. Cristiano Ronaldo
Game: FIFA 13
In life unfortunately, size matters which is why we chose Ronaldo (92 overall) over Messi (94 overall) as the most dominant player in FIFA. Both players are lightning quick but Ronaldo's seven extra inches (of height) make him a danger to score with his head as well as his leg. And speaking of his leg it's so strong it allows him to be a threat to the goal no matter where he's positioned on the field.
17. Cheetah
Game: World Class Track Meet
World Class Track Meet was played on Nintendo's "Power Pad" an early Dance Dance Revolution type peripheral that required you to run in place as quickly as possible. Cheetah was the sixth and final runner in the game, going up against him was like racing Tyson Gay in your living room. If you finally managed to best him in the 100m dash it didn't matter because there were still the 110m hurdles and on those, you were never going to take him.
16. Mitch Richmond
Game: NBA Jam
Originally we were going to go with Shawn Kemp, than we remembered Scottie Pippen which meant like the '96 Finals Kemp loses once more. But then we remembered Mitch Richmond. His defense was a little suspect but NBA Jam wasn't about defense it was about high-flying, ridiculous, last guy to touch the ball wins, over the top offense. Mitch topped Pippen in speed, could pull off crazy dunks and knock down 3's from half court.
Pippen was also programmed to choke in close games against the Pistons (a cool feature) according to lead designer Mark Turmell who was not coincidentally, a Pistons fan. At the end of the day, with all due respect, Scottie you're number two again.
15. Dominik Hasek
Game: NHL 2K Series
Every time you went up against "The Dominator" you knew it was going to be a defensive battle. The Czech blocked almost every shot making the Red Wings the toughest team to get through to hoist the Cup. With Hasek it was almost impossible to find space; the only way a goalie could've been tougher is if they plopped Gilbert Grape's mom down on the ice.
14. Manny Ramirez
Game: MLB 10: The Show
Unfortunately there is no drug testing feature in The Show. That meant long after we all realized ManRam was a total fraud, he was still rated as the guy who set the Dodgers on fire in the second half of 2008. Manny's freakish power was just like a guy on steroids because, well, he was.
Another development decision that worked in virtual Manny's favor was that The Show renders an outfielder's fielding ability meaningless. The CPU gets perfect reads on every ball and it doesn't matter if in real-life, Manny is scratching his ass and staring into the crowd, in the game he's laser focused and capable of making defensive gems that would've made Jim Edmonds look dopier than a brain dead little leaguer.
13. Michael Jordan ('96)
Game: NBA 2K Series
It may shock today's youth to realize that Michael Jordan is more prominent in present video game basketball than he was in the '90s. That's because His Airness opted not to let developers use his likeness (except for Space Jam on PlayStation and a few other odd inclusions). Thus, you finally get to know what video game creators thought of '96 Jordan seventeen years too late. Though it's not perfect this is as close as you'll ever get to seeing MJ versus LeBron without building a space travelling flux capacitor.
12. Lawrence Taylor
Game: Tecmo Super Bowl
Before Lawrence Taylor went on trial for sex with an underage prostitute he was a dynamo in Tecmo Super Bowl (oh and also he was rated No. 3 on NFL Network's top 100 players of all time).
He was capable of anything from 8 sack games, and running down guys 40 yards away, to shutting down the kicking game by blocking field goals and extra points. He was so fast it seemed even his video game counterpart was on speed. In a game with more than its fair share of offensive legends like Randall Cunningham, Barry Sanders, Jerry Rice and Joe Montana, Taylor was the ultimate equalizer giving the Giants the greatest defensive player in the game and even gave them a puncher's chance to hold Bo Jackson under 500 yards.
11. Donkey Kong
Game: Mario Tennis Series
Mario was Nintendo's well rounded golden boy (and by far the most athletic plumber the world's ever known). But Donkey Kong would just play the net and smash over and over in a relentless assault of simian rage. In theory you could pop a lob shot over his head except that the lovable gorilla had the wingspan of four Roger Federer's and besides you had so little time to return his volleys that implementing a strategy was completely out of the question.
10. Pablo Sanchez
Game: Backyard Sports Series
Pablo Sanchez was the Benny the Jet of every sport; he was able to run like Adrian Peterson, shoot like Steph Curry and hit like Miguel Cabrera. Maybe it was the competition (one of the kids was in a wheelchair for Christ's sake) or maybe he was a LeBron like prodigy. Unless they do a follow-up we'll never know if he ever went pro or if he destroyed his arm throwing too many breaking balls at age six.
9. Jon Dowd
Game: MVP 2005
In real life, Barry Bonds' dominance (and yes we're aware he had some chemical help) was matched only by Babe Ruth. However after 2003 he was non-existent in video games since he made the peculiar decision to not allow the players association to use his likeness (and somehow he gets a reputation for being arrogant).
If it were us we would've just made a player named "Garry Gonds" who would never swing at bad pitches and we'd given him a 150 power rating on a scale of 0-99. However, EA Sports created the fictitious "Jon Dowd." Dowd was just as fearsome a slugger as Bonds, except he did it from the right side of the plate instead of the left. The only thing he lacked was an elbow pad hanging over the top of the strike zone. Oh yeah, also he was white. In the end Jon Dowd may not have been real but he still finished his career with as many championship rings as Bonds. And if our athlete clichés have taught us anything over the years that's all that matters.
8. Tiger Woods
Game: Tiger Woods PGA Tour Series
Free from the stress of public humiliation and a $110 million divorce that has no bearing in video games virtual Tiger (especially the unlockable "Sunday" Tiger) is god with a golf club. His driving ability is matched only by Adam Sandler's Happy Gilmore and his touch with a putter is softer than that any of the masseuses he might have banged.
7. Shaq
Game: NBA 2K Series
Shaq has maintained a sort of gaming legacy and by that we're not talking about his 1994 fighting game Shaq-Fu.
In the NBA 2K series he's an absolute monster in the paint who backs down defenders as well as he cleans up the glass. We know what you're thinking he was a monster in real life...no shit, but one of the rare knocks on his game was that he sometimes lacked focus. Mental lapses are irrelevant in video game sports because you the user control the stars and therefore Shaq is limited only by your skill as a gamer.
Another knock on his game was his free throw shooting but because video games still lack the common sense of even basic coaching minds (cough, Isiah Thomas) you never had to deal with the hack-a-Shaq strategy. This meant you got to stress Shaquille's strengths without suffering any of his weaknesses.
It made him an absolute force. How good was he? Imagine Wilt Chamberlain playing against a bunch of inferior and shorter athletes.
6. Jeremy Roenick
Game: NHLPA '93/NHL 94
Roenick had no weaknesses in NHL 94. He was the fastest, the strongest and his puck just had a way of sneaking past the goalie. With his offensive prowess the net was penetrated as often as Shyla Stylez and Sasha Grey combined.
5. Michael Vick
Game: Madden Series (Especially Madden 2004)
In the Madden series (especially Madden 2004) Vick is unstoppable. One reason is because video game football rarely punishes inaccurate quarterbacks so if a receiver is even remotely open all you have to do is tap the face button and the ball will get to him. In real life Michael may make several bad passes that prevent him from being an elite quarterback but in Madden he plays like a man actually worthy of being drafted No. 1 overall. Madden 2005 tried to make it more difficult to get out of the pocket to give the defense some sort of recourse, but it helped little in preventing Vick's dominance as the greatest player in Madden history.
4. Bill Elliott
Game: Bill Elliott's Nascar Challenge
Apparently, developer Konami had no clue what Bill Elliott looked like so they just put Wayne Gretzky in a racecar (seriously, look at that picture above). That being said he dominated like Gretzky as he was programmed to always have a lead at some point in the race and to actually win about 70% of the time. Seeing Bill's tailgate was rare enough but passing him was historic. To watch Elliott have victory snatched from him on his home turf is a moment worth savoring but to take him at the last second, well that to us tastes sweeter than Willy Wonka's piss.
3. Mike Tyson/Mr. Dream
Game: Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!
Mike Tyson was the final opponent in the original Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! It was protagonist Little Mac's dream to fight Mike for the title. Eventually Tyson's licensing deal expired and Nintendo (in one of their least creative moves) simply renamed him "Mr. Dream" and like another famous Michael with legal problems turned him from black to white.
Tyson was not only, by far, the toughest opponent in the game (landing any of his punches in the first 90 seconds would knock you the hell out) but also the most frustrating to lose to. Being defeated by any other boxer was bad enough but you always had a chance for a rematch. However if it was Tyson that delivered the knockout blow it resulted in an automatic game over.
2. "Bo"
Game: Bo Jackson Baseball
Known in the game simply as "Bo" Bo Jackson's average was inexplicably .399 (even though he was a career .250 hitter) and yet the virtual coach still plopped him seventh in the batting order. There were two outcomes when Bo was at the plate: home run or strikeout. If you didn’t hit a home run with him than the at-bat was a miserable failure which led to him snapping the lumber over his leg like a twig in an early attempt at video game realism.
1. Bo Jackson
Game: Tecmo Super Bowl
Bo Jackson has become almost a mythical creature in video game lore so powerful that only the most foolish of gamers dare to challenge him. He was so good you probably already knew he was number one on our list. He was so dominant, that there was no reason to hand the ball off to his backfield mate, future hall-of-famer Marcus Allen. In Tecmo Super Bowl he’s so blindingly explosive that he looks like an NFL star who signed up for a pee-wee football league consisting entirely of Brian Bosworth's offspring. Bo may have never lived up to his full potential because of injuries, but he has left his mark as the greatest video game athlete of all time. In the end there's no doubt that that compensates for the millions in game-checks and endorsements he missed out on after his hip snapped.