Image via HBO
It's mid-July and winter is here. Game of Thrones is set to air its seventh and penultimate season starting this month and by this juncture, the plot has moved well beyond the point George R.R. Martin's books reached. Which is to say, book readers and avid show fans alike are in uncharted territory when it comes to guessing where the story is headed as the beginning of the endgame ensues. Daenerys and her dragons are finally in Westeros, Cersei is on the Iron Throne, the Starks may be headed for a full reunion, the Night King and his White Walkers are ready to wipe out humanity and all of these plots and more are going to converge in a big way. There's absolutely no telling how it's all going to unfold, and the best guess is probably laughably wrong.
So let's make showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss smile by trying to figure their moves out anyway. Ahead of the season seven premiere this Sunday, here are 5 of my wildest guesses for what could possibly go down in these seven episodes. If I die from nightshade poisoning, it's because I was closer than the Powers That Be were comfortable with. Stay woke.
The CleganeBowl
We thought we were going to get it last year for Cersei’s trial by combat, but instead Cersei went full diabolical and nuked her enemies in one fell swoop. I try to go into each GoT season knowing as little as possible but it’s very clear a huge battle’s going to take place, most likely between Team Daenerys and Team Cersei. Amidst that fracas, I think we’re finally going to get the one-on-one battle we’ve all been waiting for: The Hound vs the only man he’s ever been terrified of, his older brother, The Mountain.
It was awesome watching Mountain transform into Ser Robert Strong and murk off those annoying Faith Militant zealots, but never forget this guy is a piece of shit who deserves a nasty death. He’ll obviously be fighting for Cersei, I figure The Hound probably doesn’t give a shit about Dany but he’ll take the opportunity to put his brother down. Now let’s hope he doesn’t pull an Oberyn and brick the killing blow.
Cersei Will Die—At Lady Olenna's Hands
Well, can Cersei die before the final hours? I’m not sure. Then again, I can’t see her giving a shit about ice zombies enough to work with her sworn enemies, so maybe. Everyone’s gearing up for Dragon Queen vs Lion Queen but Dame Diana Rigg’s lowkey MVP, Lady Olenna, has been waiting to rub Cersei out for years now. And that was before Cersei effectively wiped out the entire Tyrell line last year. If Cersei’s death is a clean kill, I’m placing bets the old lady she underestimated gets the better of her. She's already taken out one problematic Lannister.
Jon and Sansa Will Tear the Stark Family Apart…
These two were reunited for barely one episode before they started butting heads, and, for Sansa’s part, keeping secrets. Sansa’s experiences have rendered her a little cold, calculating and pragmatic...Jon has that same steadfast noble bullshit that felled Ned and Robb before him. As they re-take the North the power play to lead the Stark name back to glory is only going to create more friction, no doubt spurred by that fuckboy Littlefinger whispering in Sansa’s ear.
My guess: he’ll successfully drive a wedge UNTIL the truth about Jon Arryn comes out. Please remember, the inciting incident that set 90% of this show’s events into motion can be traced to Jon Arryn’s death, which we learned a season or two ago was all Littlefinger’s doing to pit the Starks and the Lannisters against each other and stir up a shitstorm power vacuum chaotic enough for him to assume control. That detail is too delicious to be swept under the rug...Littlefinger’s due for an outing.
Littlefinger Will Join the White Walkers
Again, Littlefinger is the puppet master behind a large portion of all the bullshit that’s happened on this show, directly and indirectly. Amidst other more overt bad guys, Littlefinger’s always been the one to watch, to keep an eye on. In some ways, GRMM might’ve been stealthily setting him up to be thee Big Bad. Clearly GoT is headed to an endgame that sees humans realizing their petty power plays have nothing on ruthless ice zombies who want to kill them all.
But after seven seasons of conflict, it’s hard to believe the last couple episodes of this show are just going to be a better Walking Dead. The Night King is awesome, but he’s also a mute cipher with a killer ice grill. I think there’s going to be a human element to the White Walker threat, and it’s going to come from little Petyr Baelish joining them after every noble house realizes he’s been playing everybody and casts him out. If the events on the series started because he’s power mad, who’s to say he won’t go all the way and throw his lot in with the White Walkers to rule by any means necessary?
We'll FINALLY Get Lady Stoneheart
Dog, I’m not even a book reader and yet I’m still going through it over the show’s bemusing decision to forego this plotline. I’ve been pretty successful at not having the show spoiled for me, but somehow, post-Red Wedding I became privy to Lady Stonehart’s arc and I’ve been anxiously waiting for it since the season 4 premiere. For those that don’t know, it’s simple: somehow, Catelyn Stark is resurrected and basically embarks on a revenge tour as a merciless killing machine known as Lady Stoneheart. (Lena Heady even alluded to it on her Instagram once, smh.)
I don’t know much about the plotline to be honest, but it sounds awesome on general principle and I’m not quite sure why the mostly faithful adaptation has decided to opt out on it. From the sound of things, the ship has passed and savvy book readers are theorizing most of Stoneheart’s actions will be grafted onto Arya’s arc. Still, how sick would it be if David and D.B. just shuffled things around to help it make more sense and we get Stonehart in the final hours? Better late than never.