Image via Complex Original
If you're looking for a real mirror into the music biz, you won't find it on Empire. This should come as no surprise. After all, the series airs on basic broadcast TV (FOX), and was created by the unlikely duo of Lee Daniels and Danny Strong—the team that brought you The Butler, who, shockingly, have absolutely no background or credibility within the rap world. But yes, after five weeks it's time to face the facts: Empire, FOX's new Dynasty-by-way-of-King Lear primetime melodrama, has absolutely zero interest in creating a credible portrayal and depiction of the hip-hop/R&B industry. That's simply the setting to present FOX's answer to Scandal, a buzzworthy show that will light Black Twitter ablaze and be pleaded down by most faithful viewers as a guilty pleasure offense. Daniels, Strong and their team aren't trying to depict the rap game in 2015; they're using Timbaland beats as a backdrop for high drama. Even with that acknowledgment though, the rate at which the series presents outlandishly dated scenarios in the music biz universe is so high, so bad that it's hilarious. (Admittedly, they get two or three things right, too). Join us as we highlight the rare highs and the facepalm-worthy lows.
*Addendum: the only worthwhile character on this show besides MVP Taraji is, Porsha her assistant, who's walking, talking comedy gold. Seriously, give all of the guest star Emmys to that actress.*
The idea that an openly gay artist wouldn't flourish is ridiculous.
Would actually be relevant if set in: Late '90s
Look, I get that Lee Daniels is using the Jamal storyline to work through his own issues with an intolerant, homophobic father and that's cool. But this is still fiction aiming to represent an actual culture, and to that end, the idea that in 2015 Lucious is allowed to stunt like his openly gay son would be vilified and alienate fans in all markets is lowkey preposterous. Are there no Frank Oceans nor Sam Smiths in the Empire-universe?
They nailed the R&B pop princess, though.
Would actually be relevant if set in: 2013
Hakeem's R&B girlfriend (who also has a girlfriend) is making early-career Rihanna records with reheated Tinashe flavor and LION BABE hair. So, good enough.
Proclaimed "Gangsta Rapper" Titan is the hottest artist out.
Would actually be relevant if set in: 1998, and he performed at The Tunnel
Even world-renowned narcissist Hakeem thinks the world of Titan, the hottest rapper in the game, admitted as such by everyone from Lucious, Cookie, down to his assistant Becky, despite not being an Empire Records artist. He's spoken of with such awe and revere, or thirst and greed in terms of signing him, that we're meant to really believe in Empire's universe, he's The Guy. The spitter MTV would crown No. 1 in the game and also score like a 8.8 at Pitchfork, amid invites to perform at the Billboard awards. This being 2015, you'd think his music and aesthetic would mirror the guy who's running rap irl these days, that Canadian who can go 0-100 real quick just as soon as he harmonizes convos about love over tea with Erykah Badu. Nope, here's a guy whose music sounds like it wouldn't even blow up in '02, wears a rope chain (apparently you're not Real Hip-Hop™ on this show if you don't) and bucket, and looks like he's about to say hi to forty.
The Mainstream Rapper Alphets™ are, regrettably, on point.
Would actually be relevant if set in: 2012, during Peak 2 Chainz era
I don't know what the fuck is up with Lucious Lyons' look, especially the endless stash of silky fine pashminas. Fam looks like he's running Motown instead of a hip-hop rooted label he birthed in the mid-aughts. But if there's one thing the show is nailing (for lack of a more meh-expressing phrase), it's the modern day mainstream rapper's look, mostly via Hakeem. Don't get me wrong, the costume department, (or Bryshere Gray, if he's choosing wardrobe himself) takes it several steps too far. Instead of just looking like Kid Ink, dude looks like all three Migos morphed into one hypebeast who still values the likes of Versace and Burberry instead of reading Four-Pins, but also admires Pharrell and Yeezy as style influences. Still, the game's basic go-to staples are all there: leather, prints, shiny accessories, patterned haircuts, etc.
However, this guy's velour suit-rope-chain getup is just plain LOL.
Would actually be relevant if set in: 1987
Lmao. (He's old[er], so he dresses like Run-DMC. Get it? Do you get it?!?!?) Apparently, weed-carriers don't change with the times.
The industry politics apparently come from the book of Suge.
Would actually be relevant if set in: 1989
In some scenes, Lucious seems like a fictionalized Jay Z written by people who got all of their Jigga knowledge from a Vanity Fair cover story. Sometimes he's L.A. Reid. Drug-dealing murderous past notwithstanding, though, he should never, ever be Suge Knight unless this is a '90s period piece. Beating up mouthy managers on video set trailers? Was that supposed to make us know-betters in the audience chuckle? Because all we did was laugh at just another example of proof that this series seems to be written by people who have the most basic perception of the rap world ever. Pretty sure you can't just go around kneecapping fuccbois in 2015. Also, l-o-l at the idea of banks being scared off from dealing with a "rap company" re: the IPO.
The label strategy makes you wonder why anyone would buy shares of this company.
Would actually be relevant if set in: 2006
In one of the first scenes of the series, when announcing plans to take Empire Records public, Lucious cites things like The Internet and buzzwords like "digital" as signs that industry sales are under attack. A statement upon which any viewer would've been within reason to assume the show takes place in 2006 or something, when record labels were actually stressed and mystified by the digital takeover. Surely not 2015, when artists and their backers are politicking with Soundcloud, Spotify, and iTunes on the daily and barely even measuring album sales as the number one metric of success. (He's also inexplicably holding a basketball during his address, so maybe we should just ignore this scene altogether.)
There's no such thing as bad press if your antics go viral.
Would actually be relevant if set in: N/A, vv relevant now
Cookie (understandably) doesn't know what "going viral" means, but thankfully the culturally inconsistent creative team behind Empire does. Hakeem's drunken restaurant tirade—in which he takes a leak near table 4 and goes on an even more random anti-Obama rant—is pretty dumb, yes. But it would've been even dumber if the show let Lucious be right and Hakeem's career prospects tanked because he's a fucking idiot. Of course the effect is the exact opposite: the public's Hakeem radar goes way up, because fascination with imbeciles is totally on-trend.
The actual music is trash.
Would actually be relevant if set in: Who even knows
Not one song across five episodes of Empire, the series about modern black music royalty, has been overwhelmingly good. What's worse, none of them sound like songs that are even really of this current era in rap, mainstream or other, let alone feel like hits that would actually blow-up and crossover. Jim Beanz, the actor who also plays Titan, writes most of the songs and told WSJ his goal when creating for the show is to make music that's "sonically different than what you hear on radio. There was a time when music was so diverse, but a lot of songs you hear these days are so similar.” Welp, what he's handed in so far ping-pongs between the lowest form of imitation of exactly what's "on the radio" and songs that don't sound diverse so much as completely miss the mark of what would connect today.
The tone-deafness is equal opportunity, too. Lucious' legacy is that he built his label on the strength of a GOAT-level solo career, presumably in the early-aughts. Here's his "2002 mega-hit" (in-show news anchor's words, not mine) "What the DJ Spins". Does this sound even remotely close to what passed for a "mega-hit" in '02? The most acceptable is easily Jamal, whose music isn't so much bad as it is really boring. You can tell he's a real "artiste" though, because his music is always interspersed with Meaningful Flashbacks and he sometimes recreates Michael Jackson videos when walking through the hood looking for inspiration.