Madden Day is finally here, which means that our next few months are about to be filled with marathon sessions of Madden 10 (EA Sports). Early reviews are touting the game as awesome and fun—but really, what the fuck did you expect? It's Madden, son. Madden!!! This year, EA has added a dope online franchise mode, meaning that instead of geeking out by yourself on the living room couch...well, you'll still be geeking out by yourself on the living room couch, but at least you'll be connecting with real-life opponents via the Internet. And we all know playing Madden is like having sex—it can be pretty fun solo but nothing beats testing your skills with a real-life human.
Of course, not all Madden opponents are created equal, and over the years we've identified recurring archetypes of dickhead players. Here's our list of the 8 worst types of Madden competitors. If you fit one of these profiles, then please put the controller down before you come fuck with us...