Image via Complex Original
If you can't get enough of Bravo's reality TV programming—really, is there more to life than the Real Housewives of New Jersey? And Atlanta? And New York?—tune into Southern Charm. The show follows the lives of some young-ish, rich "gentlemen" and their lady friends as they navigate the social circles of that jewel of a southern city, Charleston, South Carolina. As a Charlestonian myself, I was intrigued by the show and felt the need to watch it.
Its main focus is Thomas Ravenel, a man who used to be State Treasurer of South Carolina until he was sentenced to 10 months in prison after pleading guilty to cocaine distribution charges, and his quest for a suitable wife so he could rehabilitate his public life. As he seeks out the love of his life, his friends try to offer their assistance, while causing havoc in their own love lives along the way.
Thomas and company spend a lot of time saying they’re gentlemen and that chivalry isn’t dead in the South. Thus, the following post strives to share with you the valuable lessons these gents have imparted in this first season. Please, get out your personalized stationary. You’re going to want to take notes on how to become the perfect Southern gentleman.
Written by Colleen Thornhill, a proud Charlestonian. She tweets here.
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Don't be too serious.
Went to prison for conspiring to buy and distribute cocaine? So what? Bring it up and talk about it. Let people know what you really feel about it, like if you never did cocaine but just liked the smell of it. Those are interesting tidbits, you see, and not at all damning to your political career.
Be honest.
Speak openly about how much you love a girl and wish you could have her back—in front of your current girlfriend.
Be athletic.
Pick a sport and learn everything you can about it. Apparently prison is a good spot to learn how to play bocce ball, so maybe you should start there.
Study history.
You can't pick the proper mate if you don't know who the oldest families in your city are. Screw personality, you're looking for impressive ancestors here. The more you know about a girl's family history, the more easily you can determine if she's the one to carry your own historic seed.
Embrace your domestic side.
A Southern gentleman always brings his lady coffee in the morning. The morning after, that is.
Share your wisdom.
Host a dinner party for all your friends so you can tell them how inadequate they are. To break the tension, make sure to point out their flaws and how they can fix them.
Be poetic.
If you can quote famous literature, do it—even if you don't really get what it means. Whether it's Shakespeare or The Glass Menagerie, you work that sophomore English class knowledge. It doesn't matter if you accidentally attribute a Hamlet quote to Macbeth. Just quote away and watch 'em swoon.
Keep your standards high.
Don't marry a girl who doesn't live up to your family's demands. Even if it's three days before the wedding, it's never too late to dump her.
Be daring.
No one uses condoms anymore, apparently. If you want to be a true Southern gentleman, don't impose such birth control restrictions on your one-night-stand. Leave fate to the gods!
Commit fully.
Like playing polo? Buy a plantation and build polo grounds on it. (Can one build polo grounds?) Wear full polo-playing gear. Organize a match and invite all your friends to watch. Then have a post-polo dinner party in your zebra-rugged living room. Everyone will be impressed.
Be resourceful.
If you really want to keep a girl by your side for the rest of your life, get her pregnant as soon as you can. (This advice comes from Thomas' father, who's about 90.)
Be worldly.
If you're thinking of taking a girl to a French restaurant, don't just assume the waiter is going to speak English. (What is this? America?) Take French lessons beforehand and sharpen your language skills, especially if the restaurant is in Charleston, SC. We know how ethnically diverse that city can be.
Don't be afraid to be fashionable.
If a girl wears Ann Taylor, she's probably not wifey material and should be avoided.
Keep in touch with your mom.
If that means you have to live with her, even though you're over 40, that's all right. Whatever it takes to keep the bond strong. It's especially okay if she happens to live in a mansion with a private chef and a butler.
Be thoughtful.
Buy that possibly-pregnant one-night-stand a pregnancy test while she waits in a cab making drunken small talk with the cabbie.
Ignore age.
A real Southern gentleman knows that age is just a number. If you're 50 and she's 21, have at it!
Be proactive.
If your friend expresses interest in a girl, hook up with her anyway. How else are you supposed to find out if a girl is right for you? Bro codes were meant to be broken.