Image via Complex Original
50 percent of the world's wealth is in the hands of a mere one percent of the entire population. This income disparity makes it easy to seethe with white-hot rage when your bank account stays in the triple digits. Even though spotting someone who has more money than you is probably as easy as looking up from your cracked iPhone, save your anger for the rich assholes who deserve it. Here are 10 examples of the worst types of rich people. There's a reason why people say "it's lonely at the top." It's because most of the people up there are horrible and no one wants to hang out with them.
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The Basic Rich Bitch
Celebrity example: Gwyneth Paltrow
Natural habitat: On the cover of fashion magazines.
Diet: Throw pillows, gazpacho and macrobiotic jelly beans.
Key trait: She's so basic it's criminal.
Not many celebrities expose themselves to the honest and shameless extent that Gwyneth "Goopy" Paltrow does. For that she is partially respectable. However, it is quite clear that Ms. Goop has mistaken the Internet for a hot tub full of strictly blond, white females dying to spend their money on juice cleanses and spa vacations in Arizona. What comes out of Paltrow's mouth is pure horror: "I am who I am. I can't pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year." Go consciously uncouple yourself off a cliff.
The Shady Business Mogul
Celebrity example: Donald Trump
Natural habitat: Up Omarosa's asshole.
Diet: Golf balls and caviar.
Key trait: Consistently makes idiotic comments.
From the anatomy of his comb-over to the validity of his work ethic, Donald Trump is a blinding orange ray of nonsense. Trump upholds a tireless loyalty to racial (and religious) stereotypes and isn't afraid to share them in professional settings. Author John R. O'Donnell recalls Trump claiming, "Black guys counting my money! I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes every day."
The Ruthless Bastard
Celebrity example: Rupert Murdoch
Natural habitat: The Australian outback, alone and dying.
Diet: Poor people.
Key trait: Supports things like Citizens United.
As reported by the New York Times, Rupert Murdoch handed his majority shares of the publicly owned News Corporation to his sons and no one made a sound. Clearly, protecting his media dynasty is more important than looking after the public's interest. Murdoch has also been shameless about using his media power to push his political agenda. In 2010, he donated $1 million to the Republican party.
The Free-Market Fundamentalist
Celebrity example: The Koch Brothers
Natural habitat: Behind closed doors.
Diet: The souls of children.
Key trait: Contributes funds to the Tea Party.
Where to begin with the Koch Brothers? Maybe it's the fact that they think politicians are just "actors playing out a script," or that they backed Herman Cain's presidential bid. The list of insane things that these jerks do in the name of the free-market lunacy is mind-boggling. They pushed to resegregate a school in North Carolina and supported voter ID laws that aim to prevent poor people from going to the polls. The list goes on.
The International Nut Job
Celebrity example: Frédéric Prinz von Anhalt
Natural habitat: A desolate German orphanage.
Diet: Other people's money.
Key trait: Intends to profit off of dead wife.
Prinz von Anhalt is best known for being Zsa Zsa Gabor's 9th and final husband. He is also 20 years her junior. He was born as Robert Hans Lichtenberg, but changed his name after being adopted by a princess when he was 36. This theme of adult-adoption influenced von Anhalt to adopt a 35 year-old brothel owner Marcus Prinz von Anhalt in 2006. Oh, and did I mention that he plans to have Zsa Zsa Gabor's body preserved with plastic for public display?
The International Nut Job's Son
Celebrity example: Marcus Prinz von Anhalt
Natural habitat: A cheap brothel overrun with STI infections.
Diet: Rank pussy.
Key trait: Deals in human trafficking.
This is the product of Frédéric Prinz von Anhalt's adoption. He owns over twenty brothels and night clubs and has served four years in prison for human trafficking and tax evasion. Once he was adopted, Marcus began referring to himself as "Prinz Germany."
The Privileged Teen
Celebrity example: Lavi$h
Natural habitat: Mommy's house.
Diet: Skittles, shawarma, and San Pellegrino.
Key trait: Calls people "peasants."
Although the Lavi$h hype is dead and gone, he has left us all a legacy of what pure shit-storming without consequence looks like. "These peasants keep hating while my money keep calculating..." Record deal in the future? Maybe? Use San Pellegrino as toilet bowl water? Yep. He has definitely done that.
The Arrogant Athlete
Celebrity example: Floyd Mayweather
Natural habitat: Getting a pedicure.
Diet: Cats, dogs and Manny Pacquiao.
Key trait: Thinks he's The GOAT.
The undefeated Floyd Mayweather Jr. is arguably the greatest boxer of our time. His legacy is almost set in stone. However, he has been known to have some truly ignorant Ric Flair (minus all the uppers) moments. For example, he has said, "to be honest with you, I normally beat guys with my C game and I don’t have to pull my A or B game out." Of course, trying is for losers. He also told Manny Pacquiao, a Filipino boxer, that he was "going to cook him with some cats and dogs."
The Tech Magnate
Celebrity example: Larry Ellison
Natural habitat: A tanning bed.
Diet: Other people's ideas.
Key trait: Digs through trash.
According to Larry Ellison, co-founder of Oracle Corporation and the fifth-wealthiest man in the world, "When you innovate, you've got to be prepared for everyone telling you you're nuts." In his case, it wasn't innovation that passed him the nuts card, but hiring minions to sift through Microsoft's garbage cans in search of sensitive documents. "I feel very good about what we did," Ellison confessed at a press conference.
The Collector
Celebrity example: Nicolas Cage
Natural habitat: Disturbing the peace.
Diet: Fish and fowl.
Key trait: Owns things like dinosaur skulls.
It was a close bidding war between Nicolas Cage and Leonardo DiCaprio, but Cage outbid to the tune of $276,000 to buy a dinosaur skull. That's mere pennies when compared to him already owning three castles, two islands in the Bahamas, and a "dozen or so" mansions. Yes, he has some truly laudable films, but he's still rich as shit and kind of horrible about it.