Image via Complex Original
Your days of the sandwich being both breakfast and dinner are limited. The responsibilities that come with adulthood are creeping up, but these subtle tips will give you the appearance of effortless poise without asking you to shed your lazy habits. They may judge, they may question your values and hygiene, but in the end they will be doing dishes and you'll be in your room...free from all menial labor...doing whatever you want...probably naked.
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Clean your computer with a Post-It note.
You're gross and so is your keyboard. Clean out all the potato chip crumbs and finger nail clippings, hands-free.
Use dental floss to cut cheese and other semi-solids.
Let's say you only need four slices of cheese for your sandwich. Don't dirty a knife that will then need to be rigorously cleaned. Use dental floss.
Microwave your own personal cookie, serving size: 1.
You're a man, you're not going to bake a batch of cookies for you and your roommates. Shove some cookie mix into a mug, slam it in the microwave, eat it, and wash it down with whole milk.
Use an old cassette case as an iPhone stand.
Similar to seeing a portrait of an old timer holding a baby, the harmonious pairing of a cassette case with a crisp iPhone could move one to tears.
Put a hunk of bread in your mouth whilst cutting onions.
Let the bread hang out of your mouth a little bit, just like your tongue would, and your mouth will start to water. The sustained salivating of your mouth will deter your eyes from juicing up. Apparently your glands can only produce so much orifice seepage at once.
Season your popcorn, it'll make each bite taste like a sandwich or assorted smoked meats.
A hint of pepper or rosemary will amp up your 'corn and trick your mouth into thinking it's just had a spicy, smoked feast.
Your aging laptop is constantly overheating/nearing spontaneous combustion.
Save cupholders to use as a radioactive neutralizer/heat guard for your man thighs.
Successfully drink loads of beer in public.
Strategically cut an empty soda can to fit around a can of beer...aaaand you're drunk outside.
Bring your favorite koozie to parties and bars.
Enhance your grip and you'll always know which can of Coors Light is yours...the one that says "Up 4 Anything."
You have a morning meeting and can't sleep because the Internet.
Stop contemplating whether or not to drink copious amounts of NyQuil. Simply read a few pages from a small-print book about neuroscience and you'll be yawning in no time.
Start a change jar with your roommates, even if you rarely have change to contribute.
The amount of change you find just by emptying pants pockets, cleaning your room, or going through the coat pockets of co-workers truly adds up. Now imagine that tripled or quadrupled. Ask your roommates to contribute to a community change jar.
Take a picture of the inside of your refrigerator: instant grocery list.
You can more easily visualize what groceries will complement your current load with an image saved on your phone. This way you won't end up buying condiments that you already have. Stop crowding the refrigerator with multiple bottles of ketchup!
Buy two deodorants and keep one in your backpack so you don't smell like the gym.
Even if your stench has yet to permeate through the first layer of deodorants, there is virtually nothing as comforting as seeing an extra Speedstick in your bag.
Graduation is around the corner and your resume isn't as stellar as you had hoped.
Forgo the self-sabotaging, "I'm under-qualified" panic attack and start a blog. Treat the blog as a resume and showcase skills and projects that would otherwise go unseen.
Cut a hole in the lining of your girlfriend's purse to stash booze.
Whether you'll be out all day at a street fair, baseball game, or simply attending a concert, the lining of purses perfectly accomodate any and all alcohol stashing needs.
Maximize your suitcase and stuff shit in your shoes.
Packing for a trip and yet again you've managed to completely reject any method of consolidation. Save yourself a significant chunk of space by packing your socks and underwear inside your shoes.
Still can't kick your nasty smoking addiction?
Buy Newport 100s. They're harsh and smoking a full one is nearly impossible. Before you know it you'll only crave one when you're buzzed and soon enough you'll grow to hate them.
Quick coffee sweetener will save you five of those precious morning minutes.
If black coffee is too hardcore for your young taste buds, simply put a piece of chocolate at the bottom of your cup before you pour your coffee. You'll save time and wasted money requested on flavors.
Paper plates equal no peasant work.
The dishes in the sink will never be yours.
Keep your college ID until you start balding.
Take part in discounted movie tickets, museum passes and half priced Bikram yoga classes.
The Impromptu smitten emoji is your friend.
When you're in the doghouse, this is the only emoji you'll ever need to win your girlfriend's heart.
Take your suitcase on a trip...to the grocery store.
If you're a student in the city, chances are your vehicle access is limited. Instead of lugging home groceries, bring a suitcase to the store and roll it home.
Attach all of your grocery bag handles onto a carabiner for the long walk home.
Use a large carabiner, preferably of the camping/strong/burly-bearded-man caliber, to consolidate grocery handles and give your soft, collegiate palms a break.
Bump your slow jams from your DIY phone speaker.
Create your own speaker system for summer days at the park by using household items that would normally go into the trash.
Rotisserie chicken equals pre-seasoned, pre-cooked chicken.
It's already cooked and seasoned and keeps in the fridge for days. Use it to make a huge batch of chicken salad with celery, tear off pieces for a dinner salad, throw some in a quesadilla, eat it by itself.