15 Signs Your Landlord is a Crook

Slumlords are the worst.

Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

Living in a big city is not always easy. These are some mean streets. Finding the right place to live is often the most difficult decision you'll have to make. After searching dozens of Craigslist ads, you find several apartments worth looking into. The first one is in a damp basement, the second one is filthy, and the third is decent enough, but the landlord seems a little sketchy—but not sketchy enough to make you want to spend another day looking on Craiglist. You take the place and hope for the best, but shit gets real very quickly, and the next thing you know you're cruising the Internet trying to find out if you're landlord is swindling you. Here are some signs that your landlord may actually a crook. If any of these situations apply to you, maybe you should look for another apartment, or at the very least consult the Tenant's Rights Guide.

Your Security Deposit Vanished into Thin Air

Paying for damage that isn't there is rough. It's even worse when you realize that your landlord is using your security deposit to fix a hole in the wall that you're pretty sure was there before you moved into the apartment. According to Greg Nichols, the supervising attorney for Tulane University's legal assistance program, landlords have very little to lose and everything to gain by keeping their tenants' deposits. Nichols says, "If you're a landlord you figure nine times out of 10 (the tenants) won't bother to file suit against you if you keep their deposit and the one time they do the horrible draconian penalty that must haunt every landlord's dream is a fine of $200."

There's Smoke Everywhere and You're Going to Die

In an article on apartmenttherapy.com, a reader mentions that her landlord's solution to a malfunctioning smoke detector was to remove it and leave. "One night at around 3am, I had to call several times after exhausting all attempts at quieting the system. My landlord's solution? Ripping it out of the wall with no replacement!"

This is one of those high-pressure moments. On the one hand, you're relieved that the beeping has stopped. You say to yourself, "Oh, what the deuce, I'll worry about replacing it later. My landlord cares about me. I'm sure he'll be back with another one that isn't broken."

But no. A week later you'll turn on the oven, pound NyQuil because it's Tuesday (and why the hell not), and then fall asleep. All of a sudden: What's this. Fire everywhere. You never know when a fire is going to happen. Make sure your spot has smoke detectors, and if it doesn't it's your landlord's responsibility to install them.

You've Been Wheezing While Watching Mold Grow

Mold is the most obnoxious thing of all time. Moldy bagel? Moldy Gouda? Throw it out. Moldy uppermost corner of your room? You have to pay a man major dollar bills to strip the problem area, and probably the whole wall (paying for preventative labor is like paying for antibiotics to maybe work.) Mold in your apartment is a serious risk. According to DOB laws, New York City must follow Department of Health guidelines for indoor air quality. So show your landlord photos of the mold wad and make sure he does something about it immediately.

Your Garbage Disposal Gets Clogged by Flimsy Waste

Garbage disposals were invented to be furiously opposed to waste. If your disposal is jamming up because of a stray noodle or soggy carrot, then your shit is bunk. This issue may seem small, but it's the landlord's responsibility to make sure your drains function. If the disposal has a shitty performance record, make him come fix it. In the meantime, don't put corn husks down it.

You're Paying For Rent In Cash

If your landlord requests you pay rent strictly in cash, that most certainly opens up some room for skepticism. You shouldn't immediately identify him as a crook, but it's in your best interest to have evidence that you paid your landlord for rent. According to D. Currey of dslreports.com, "As long as you have a receipt you should be good to go until he goes to jail." If you are going to pay in cash because you enjoy handling paper and/or you don't have a bank account, it's wise to hand the money directly to your landlord and not his wife, son, handyman, or mistress.

Your Counter Top Has Ants on it All of the Time

Ants are a result of sloppy, careless, amateur food preperation—if any of those words are accurate descriptions of your kitchen skills, then the ants are your fault. However, if the ants were there, chilling, waiting for you, then that's shady and you're landlord needs to deal.

You Pray to the Virgin Mary That it's Not CO

CO poisoning is real and they don't call it a silent killer for nothing. Most apartments don't come with a Carbon Monoxide Alarm but they should. So make sure you buy one and slam the receipt in the landlord's face and get your money back. According to nyc.gov, "The owner of the building or unit has the responsibility to install the detectors under the law."

You Live in a Dark Storage Area

You know that feeling you get when you walk in your room and all you're looking at is a twin because nothing else would fit? That means your room was never intended to have someone living in it because it's a closet. Always be sure to assess whether or not the advertised "3 bedroom" truly has three bedrooms and not two bedrooms and a large closet.

You Can't Use The Coffee Maker and Toaster Simultaneously

If you can't use more than one appliance at a time without blowing a fuse or losing power, then that's grounds for a good landlord scolding. It's not your fault your landlord hired a shitty contractor to wire the house. You pay rent and should be able to use the toaster and the coffee maker at the same time. You shouldn't have to unplug your refrigerator in order to use the blender.

Your Rent Went Up Because Your Girl Moved In

Things are getting serious in your relationship and you want to take the next step. You have a lot of thinking to do before you decide to ask her to live in your humble apartment, but having to pay more rent shouldn't be one of them. According to a report from Forbes, "up to three people (including children) can reside in your one-bedroom apartment before the landlord can jack the rent or issue an eviction notice."

Frequent Ambushing

Most of the time, your landlord is not a friend. He's not one of your dogs, your mains, your lunch buddy or your sex toy. Those people get to come over unannounced and without knocking. If your landlord thinks he can come into your space without warning, he is wrong. Even if you and your roommates have been blatantly shady and are up to no good, your landlord still can't just pop in like that because it's illegal.

If he happens to swing by unannounced, get up from the couch, dust the Pringles off your crotch, stand erect, and be like: "Once the lease is signed, the property becomes the sole province of the tenant unless permission is explicitly asked, hoe."

Know your rights.

You Can't Keep a Shrubbery

Following the theft of her smoke detector, the same tenant claimed that the "...same landlord threatened to evict me for growing a tomato plant on my balcony." If you have access to fertile earth, it is only natural to want to nurture a small shrub to adulthood or grow your own produce. Unless any permanent alterations are made to said plot of land, it's yours for the flowering, and in some cases you may even be able to receive some funding. According to Marilyn Lewis of MSN Real Estate, "with a well-structured agreement, you might even be able to get your landlord to pay for your garden."

There's an Icebox Where Your Heart Used to Be

In most apartment buildings, the heat levels are dictated by the landlord. For some unfortunate souls, that means the heat goes off before you even get home from work and you're forced to sleep in multiple layers of stained sweatpants. This is illegal. For inhabitants of the greater New York area, the City Housing Maintenance Code states that heat should be available until May 31. So if you experience a particularly brutal and long winter, your landlord cannot let you freeze to death.

You Receive Unwarranted Life Advice

"He wrote me a letter telling me that perhaps if I faced my weight problem, I would be a happier person," Therese Z. vented on apartmenttherapy.com. Though it's kind of weird, one can see how the owner of an apartment would view a tenant as a "friend." They want you to share their values since you're sharing their property. But, guess what? Your landlord is not your dad. Being a landlord can all too easily lead to over-sharing and over-preaching. Unless your landlord happens to be the exquisite Judge Judy Sheindlin, you don't have to take that shit. You don't have to tell your landlord jack shit about your personal life and they should stay out of yours.

Your Walls Are Falling

Are you actually living in a slum? Do you think that the building you're living in might be on the DOBs list of buildings that must be vacated because there is major structural damage that makes it unsafe? These are questions that your landlord will not answer for you because he needs your money, but you can easily find this information.