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Nostalgia is a powerful thing, and as millenials have come of age on the Internet, its force seems stronger than ever. For the last few years, it seems that everywhere you look the '90s are being repackaged for us in memes, lists, and reunions. From Girl Meets World to boy band tours, the '90s have a distinct influence on modern pop culture. This week, Million Dollar Arm ushers in yet another key moment in the '90s nostalgia movement. Jon Hamm and company are hoping that your fond memories of The Mighty Ducks, Cool Runnings, and Angels in the Outfield will bring you back to the movie theater for one more feel-good ride.
Looking back at Disney's '90s live-action slate, you're struck by the distance between the quality of the films and our memory of them. Though Cool Runnings and the The Mighty Ducks are by far the best remembered of these movies, there's a bobsled track's length of distance between the two films in terms of quality. You'll probably have forgotten some of the better films of the era even existed until you work your way through our list.
It's hard to see exactly how nostalgia warps our view of things, bringing some pop culture artifacts to the foreground while letting others drift away. One thing that becomes clear examining these movies is that there's a huge gap between our nostalgic memories and the real quality of these movies. We don't want to kill your precious childhood memories, but here is our definitive ranking of the '90s Disney sports movies.
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12. The Big Green (1995)
Rotten Tomatoes score: No consensus (5 reviews, all rotten)
"Now The Big Green is here, and guess what? It's not half as good as the trailer promised it would be. Oh, the kiddies will love it, because it's one of those genre movies that push all their buttons. But parental escorts will see it for the forced, derivative thing it is." —William Powers, The Washington Post
Harsh words from William Powers, but The Big Green does, in fact, deserve such harsh criticism. A retread of a retread, the aim of The Big Green was to do for soccer what The Mighty Ducks did for ice hockey. Just when you thought a sports movie couldn't be any more by the numbers, the characters any more one-dimensional, the plot less compelling, The Big Green came along and lowered the bar. The only bright spots of the film are the obligatory "kid gets hit in the nuts with a soccer ball" moments which evoke some of the best aspects of America's Funniest Home Videos.
11. A Kid in King Arthur's Court (1995)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 5%
"Sitting through it, I found myself shuddering at what Disney may have in store for next summer. Perhaps the story of a young history teacher who is sent back to the 12th Century to help turn ragtag misfits into a confident and successful Little League jousting team. Would they call it Knight School?" —John Petrakis, The Chicago Tribune
It would probably be more interesting to use this space to pitch bits for Knight School than to discuss A Kid in King Arthur's Court, but unfortunately, that isn't the task at hand. Mark Twain's original novel, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, has inspired various and sundry adaptations and homages; projects as diverse as The Transformers (TV series) and Army of Darkness have incorporated Twain's story into their own. Of the numerous takes on A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, this one may be the worst. Even a knowledgeable film buff would be hard pressed to find a film as derivative as what Disney put together with A Kid in King Arthur's Court.
10. D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 20%
"The third installment in the Mighty Ducks series of hockey comedies opens at Bay Area theaters today. It's a waddle through wearisome formula, a 'quack attack' that makes a dull thud. D3: The Mighty Ducks struggles for laughs. Even its familiar, heavily orchestrated showdown-on-ice between the Ducks and a rude rival is little more than a tedious rehash of puckish mayhem." —Peter Stack, San Francisco Chronicle
Rarely does the third iteration of a franchise succeed. Outside the realm of blockbusters, the last film in a trilogy is usually little more than a money grab. D3 may well the prime example of this approach to filmmaking. Though the actors are older the third time around and some new supporting characters replace some old, the film sticks to the formula that made the first films a box office success (and critical failure).
D3 could have delved into how Emilio Estevez's rehabilitated coach or his kids have evolved. The film could have tried to say something new. The film could have had a coherent theme (a modest achievement that D2 did manage attain). Instead, the approach to D3 was maximum cash and minimum effort, resulting in a product equal parts clumsy and uninspired.
9. Angels in the Outfield (1994)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 35%
"In fact, Angels is so soft there's barely a Snidely Whiplash in the piece, other than a smarmy radio announcer (Jay O. Sanders) who's rooting for Knox to fail." —Brian Lowry, Variety
It's probably about time for another Tony Danza x Joseph Gordon-Levitt collabo. (paging Funny or Die ...). Though the amazingly disjointed cast, which also features Danny Glover and Christopher Lloyd, sounds like the stuff indie darlings are made of, these actors fail to produce something charming or memorable here. This 1994 effort is about as mediocre as can be.
Even by '90s Disney standards, this film values feel-good over compelling story, and the film suffers at every turn as a result of its priorities. Though it tugs mercilessly at the heartstrings (even if our heartstrings don't necessarily buy it), there is no end-game behind the melodramatic, piano-tinkling schmaltz. This cast is certainly capable of something offbeat and fun, but Angels in the Outfield is satisfied to nothing more than a celluloid Hallmark Card.
8. The Mighty Ducks (1992)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 12%
"What's missing from the film, even during its most rambunctious moments, is a distinct personality. Mr. Estevez gives a low-keyed, likable performance, but like the Ducks themselves, he lacks color. The film's young actors appear to have been chosen more for size (too fat, too tall, etc.) and ethnic mix than for distinct character traits." —Janet Maslin, The New York Times
We can already sense the Twitter outrage from here. Only Full House has grown more out of proportion with its actual quality in the nostalgic memory of the Internet than The Mighty Ducks. If you actually look back at the film with adult eyes, you quickly see that this plot has been done better elsewhere so many times. If you want rag-tag kids united in athletic triumph, Bad News Bears and The Sandlot are better bets. If it's troubled coaches you're after, Bull Durham and Major League have so much more to offer.
The Mighty Ducks, like so many pop culture artifacts, was simply in the right place the right time. Like so many aspects of our childhood, the film is best left in in the past.
7. Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 21%
"The original film's director, Charles Martin Smith, who introduced some disturbing elements (an abusive coach) and poetic moments (a 'Secret Garden' hideaway for Josh and Buddy), has been replaced by Richard Martin, who brings a family-hour blandness to every scene." —John Harti, Seattle Times
You often hear the accusation that a sequel has lost the spark of the original. This tends to be the rule rather than the exception, and is even true of Air Bud. The original, while not Oscar-worthy, was an attempt to make the best of a terrible premise. The sequel, by contrast, provides a case study in phoning it in. Where Air Bud found moments for tonal shifts and cinematic craftsmanship, the sequel flat lines, comfortable to coast on a guaranteed child audience that has allowed Disney to produce a dozen films across the Air Bud and Air Buddies franchises.
7. D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 21%
"D2: The Mighty Ducks reaches an extraordinary low, even for a Disney sequel. This unctuous barrage of flag-waving, message-mongering, counterfeit morality, which contains the stalest kiddie-team heroics in recent memory, makes the original, innocuous Ducks look like one of the Great Works." —Desson Howe, The Washington Post
The more colorful supporting cast and international scope make the sequel to The Mighty Ducks more entertaining than its predecessor, but not by much. The fresh cast of new characters, from Dwayne Robertson (Ty O'Neal) to Ken Wu (Justin Wong) give the film a little flavor, and help provide a more memorable viewing experience than the first film.
If for no other reason, D2 stands out as the best of the trilogy for the "Greenland is covered with ice and Iceland is very nice" scene which remains the only thing an entire generation of Americans knows about these two countries.
6. Air Bud (1997)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 45%
"[Director Charles Martin Smith] has the structure of a traditional story here, but makes it seem new with good performances, crisp editing, a lovable dog, and a new twist on the old movie tradition of the 'big game.' And then the movie just keeps getting better, with a very funny courtroom scene involving a judge (Eric Christmas) who never catches on that the dog is trained to bark when it hears a gavel pounding." —Roger Ebert
It's hard to believe that this movie is not bad. Air Bud enjoys the most enduring attention of any of the '90s Disney films, but only because of Internet mockery. Weird Twitter has made Air Bud jokes into a cottage industry. Yet, it needs to be stated that this film is very not bad. With a 45% Rotten Tomatoes score, Air Bud is actually one of the higher scoring films on this list.
In the above review, Roger Ebert gave Air Bud three out of four stars after admitting his initial prejudice ("I had seen the trailer, and knew it was about a dog who could play basketball. I was not impatient to see this movie"). It's as if the creative team said, "Well, if we're going to make something this stupid, we should at least try to sell it." The world is better off for their courageous decision.
4. Endurance (1995)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 50%
"It is not a documentary, exactly; scenes are written and staged, and actors play him at younger ages. But it is drawn from his life. His father, brother and wife play themselves, and the footage of his triumph at Atlanta is real. So, I think, is the sound of his breathing." —Roger Ebert
Endurance is a pretty strange film by Disney standards. Legendary distance runner Haile Gebrselassie plays himself in this docudrama that chronicles his journey from Ethiopian farmhand to Olympic gold medalist. Gebrelassie isn't the only one who plays himself; his father and wife also turn in performances in the film. The result of this blend of a boilerplate narrative and a slightly experimental approach isn't necessarily something great, but Endurance is unique and compelling. Though many scenes carry a stilted, awkward quality, there's still something about the story that holds your attention throughout the marathoner's story.
3. Heavyweights (1995)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 29%
"Heavyweights is really two movies in one, and they don't mesh. One movie is a no-holds-barred spoof of a Tony Little—or-Susan Powter—style fitness merchant, in which maniacal perkiness is equated with uncontrollable rage. The other movie is a conventional family comedy that pokes lighthearted fun at the chubby young campers as they bounce off an inflatable rubber raft called the Blob and get beaned by baseballs during a humiliating game with the more athletic boys from neighboring Camp M.V.P." —Stephen Holden, The New York Times
Thanks to co-writer Judd Apatow and a memorable performance by Ben Stiller, Heavyweights has emerged from the pack of these films to become a cult classic. The problem with Heavyweights is that the aspects that make it beloved also make it terribly uneven. The dark behavior of Ben Stiller's fitness guru is hilarious, but a zany, scatterbrained villain flirting with psychosis is a strange fit for a Disney film. If Stiller's performance had been presented to us distilled into a Funny or Die sketch or as a b-plot on Undeclared, then the form may have been a nice fit for the content.
As it stands, the dualing artistic endeavors here are at odds. Though we would all probably rather watch Stiller's fat camp Heart of Darkness than a feel-good plus-sized family romp, we have to admit that his character doesn't really fit the project. Of course, that doesn't mean Stiller's performance isn't hilarious. Here's the five-minute Tony Perkis montage you've been hungry for since you started reading.
2. Iron Will (1994)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 62%
"In between its hokey setup and its overwrought climax, Disney's dog-sledding adventure Iron Will is brisk and involving and surprisingly adult, its cinematic strength drawn mainly from the beauty of panting teams of huskies muscling their way across snowy landscapes. Which is a sight you can never grow tired of." —David Mills, The Washington Post
Is dog-sledding a sport? If golf and NASCAR count, then why not give the designation to those who race sleds across the frozen tundra? Iron Will isn't one of the better remembered Disney sports movies. You won't see the same volume of memes and listicles written about it that you see from some other Disney films of the era. Though Iron Will hasn't been appropriated by the Internet nostalgia machine, it's one of the best live-action Disney movies.
Sometimes a great setting can push a film beyond its pedestrian script. The endless snowy plains of the North create a far more compelling background than a suburban soccer field or ice hockey rink, and Iron Will is better off for it. The stakes are immediately higher when death is a real possibility, when there are far greater threats to the characters than getting hit in the nuts by an errant soccer ball. Even in kids movies, stakes matter.
Iron Will also offers Kevin Spacey as a jaded yellow journalist, an early precursor to Francis Underwood, that keeps the film moving through the more saccharine moments.
1. Cool Runnings (1993)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 74%
"In fact, it's surprisingly entertaining, with a nice sweetness in place of the manic determination of the average sports picture." —Roger Ebert
Most of the Disney sports films come up short. Cardboard characters and hackneyed plots dominate movies that clumsily execute the most basic and well-trod cinematic territory. Cool Runnings is a film that stays a step ahead of its cliches, delivering a buoyant charming product; the film operates on a different level than its Disney family fare peers. The quality the film achieves within well-worn territory left critics asking if Cool Runnings could've gone a step further. Could the production team have elevated the piece into something subversive and satirical? Though the talents of those attached would've allowed for it, that was never Disney's aim.
Cool Runnings isn't a great film, but it never set out to be. The film set out to be the embodiment of the Disney '90s underdog sports movie mission, and it succeeded admirably. There is always room at the cinema for good clean fun and Cool Runnings delivered with casual charm.
Any discussion of Cool Runnings is incomplete without a clip of the late, great John Candy, one of the greatest comedic actors of all time. Here is a one of his many great scenes from the film.