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Between 2005 and 2008, MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen exposed America to the ugliest aspects of late-stage capitalism through the lens of mankind's most reviled species: rich teens. Every episode was sure to offer the a few moments that made the working class blood boil: ridiculous demands from the birthday girl (or, rarely, boy), temper tantrums when those demands aren't met, and the birthday girl getting what she wants regardless of her terrible behavior.
Despite a reliably aggravating formula, not all of these sweet sixteens were created equal. As with all things in life, some sweet sixteens are simply more lit than others. Run of the mill super sweet sixteens cost outrageous amounts of cash, but they lack that something special. A truly great sweet sixteen is the result of a confused teen ego run amok. Absurd, offensive, and ridiculous themes are combined to create a party that is as tasteless as it is expensive. These affairs vary wildly, offering unique touches like dogs dyed pink, life-sized ice sculptures, and sleighs rolling down city streets, but, they all have one thing in common: they are too lit. Here are 20 My Super Sweet Sixteen Parties That Were Way Too Lit.
20."Alyson" (Season 5, Episode 5)
Most lit moment: The explosion of a fake volcano that leads to a visit from the fire department
It was assured that Alyson's party was going to go completely off the chain from the moment she handed out her dog tag invitations. The camouflage Hummer cemented her legacy as a themed-party queen. But, the greatest moment of this military themed soiree was when the over-sized fake volcano, basically a extra large version of a science project went Pompeii too early, and the fire department had to be called. There aren't enough flame emojis in your iPhone for that level of lit.
19."Cher" (Season 4, Episode 2)
Most lit moment: Cher makes her entrance with a David Blaine level magic trick
It's important to set the tone early on in a party, especially at a sweet sixteen. Cher realized this and that's why she hit the scene with a one-two combo: appearing in a magic box and being carried by shirtless servants. So, even though her dance routine failed miserably thanks to low-rise pants, the party's vaguely Mardi Gras-inspired theme remained memorably cheesy throughout the night.
18."Bobby" (Season 6, Episode 1)
Most lit moment: A life-size ice sculpture of Bobby greets the guests
Things start out poorly for Bobby. He gets a "bad haircut" and freaks out when there aren't enough cars in the parking lot. But, once Bobby sees the party and the life-size ice sculpture of himself, he realizes that things are going to be okay. Bobby's Hollywood theme party, cleverly named "Bobbywood," is deemed a success.
17."Alexa" (Season 3, Episode 18)
Most lit moment: An extravagant display of cultural appropriation culminating in a belly dance
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An independent woman knows that she needs to be focused. When you have a big night coming up, you can't have any distractions. After having an argument with her mother about centerpieces, Alexa knew exactly what she had to do: break up with her boyfriend. Thanks to her great sacrifice, the party went off without a hitch. She performed a belly dance that made the boys holler and her father sweat with discomfort. The ex-boyfriend was made sufficiently jealous and Alexa reigned supreme.
16."Yashika" (Season 6, Episode 10)
Most Lit Moment: Yashika receives a fat diamond ring from her moms, which is apparently a "family tradition"
"Are you guys ready to get this party crunked?" Yashika asks at the beginning of her party. Sadly, the answer is no. Her carefully selected "VIP" guests won't dance onstage with her. People try to enter the club early. Luckily for Yashika, her party is redeemed with ice: Yashika's mom gives her a fat-ass diamond ring.
How does Yashika respond to this outrageous gift? "I may have just gotten a seven karat ring, but there better be more."
Don't worry. It all worked out for her. She got a $100,000 Mercedes. Life is very, very fair.
15."Alex" (Season 6, Episode 3)
Most Lit Moment: Alex's awful, over-the-top breakdance routine
The Seven Deadly Sins is the perfect theme for a freshman art school photo shoot or a terrible party. Alex decided to name her party, populated with uncoordinated Boston teens, "Let the Sin Begin." This led to actors being hired to walk around in gold body paint and Alex's man being forced to rock a cheap pair of devil horns and a pitchfork.
Despite the dedication to the theme, the highlight of this party had nothing to do with sin. Alex didn't let the fact that she clearly has next to no dance experience stop her when she brought her party to a halt so that she could perform a painfully awkward break dance routine.
This is another example of that all-important My Super Sweet Sixteen lesson: There are some things money can't buy. One of those things is dancing ability.
14."Audrey" (Season 5, Episode 1)
Most lit moment: Audrey throws a temper tantrum when she gets her new car before her party, instead of during like she wanted.
Audrey is a self-described "major princess who always get what she wants." Her mother admits that she takes valium to help her deal with Audrey's demands. Not only does Audrey get what she wants, but she gets what she wants when she wants it. Even though she gets "haute couture" party plastered with name brand gear that she asked for, her bash was almost ruined before it got started when Audrey got her $67,000 car on her birthday rather than at the party.
Don't worry: she rallied and managed to be her most insufferable self at her quinceanera.
13."Katie" (Season 4, Episode 7)
Most lit moment: Katie rolls up to her party in a sleigh, despite being in snowless Tennessee
This episode gets started off on the right foot when Katie forces her platonic friend-zoned male friends to dress up as elves and help her hand out invitations. Her "Christmas in Memphis" party combines all of the biggest excesses of opulent wealth with all the cheesiest aspects of Christmas celebration. It isn't enough for Katie to force her parents to simply shower her with decadent gifts. She forces them to change the seasons. A good chunk of the episode is devoted to securing the perfect sleigh in which to roll up to the party. That she was able to find it was a Christmas miracle.
12."Amberly" (Season 4, Episode 4)
Most lit moment: Amberly hands out her signature fragrance to all 750 of her party guests
If Tom Haverford were a 16-year-old blonde girl, he would throw a party just like Amberly's but with more Snake Juice. Amberly does a (poorly rehearsed) hip-hop dance to impress all of her friends and then sends them on their way with a vial of her signature fragrance.
Good luck living with yourself now that you know you'll never get to have a bottle of Amberly perfume.
11."Marissa" (Season 3, Episode 1)
Most lit moment: Marissa dyes two poodles pink for her "Pretty in Pink" party
It's no secret that the most lit book of all time was The Wizard of Oz. Yes, Marissa gets her car. Yes, Marissa has the celebrity musical guest. But, how many sweet sixteens offer PETA horrifying dyed dogs? Only this one.
10."Bre" (Season 5, Episode 10)
Most lit moment: Bre rolls up in a low rider surrounded by a fleet of motorcycles
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In a party full of lit moments, including an original hip-hop performance and the gift of a new Range Rover, Bre achieved one of the most lit Super Sweet Sixteen moments of all time. Bre rolled up to her party in a vintage low rider, flanked by bikers, looking as Mad Max-y as any 16-year-old girl ever has.
9."Chris Brown" (Season 5, Episode 4)
Most lit moment: A weird (almost) phone conversation with Michael Jackson
Before he found fame for domestic battery, Chris Brown was best known for his off-the-chain eighteenth birthday party. Because Brown in an actual celebrity and not just the spoiled daughter of a used car magnate, they had to do it up special for his episode. Chris got two parties: the first was a concert open to all of his fans with special guest Lil Mama (this was when Lil Mama performing at your party actually meant something).
But that was the party for the fans/commoners/not-beautiful people. Later on, Chris partied with his people at a Michael Jackson theme party. This culminated when Chris almost got on the phone with the late Michael Jackson himself. The King of Pop may or may not have breathed into the phone and then hung up.
Chris didn't stay bummed for too long. The blue Lamborghini he received at the end of the episode perked him back up into the giddy schoolgirl attitude that a great episode of My Super Sweet Sixteen requires.
8."Savannah" (Season 5, Episode 9)
Most lit moment: An exotic petting zoo sound tracked by tribal drum circle
At a "jungle" theme party, you can expect leopard print rugs and white dudes in dumb-looking bandanas, but how many offer an exotic petting zoo? For centuries, the American rich have been fascinated with displaying exotic animals as a backdrop for their leisure activities. It's good to know that this grand tradition is being continued today, complete with dancers being paid to approximate traditional tribal dances for the pleasure of spoiled teens.
Savannah is truly the queen of her carefully curated, absurdly expensive jungle.
7."Makahla" (Season 5, Episode 14)
Most lit moment: Cowgirl dancers on stilts enter the party
"Western Glam" sounds like a concept that shouldn't exist outside of Branson, Mo. or Reno, Nev., but that is the theme that rich and tasteless young model Makhala chose for her sweet sixteen. The party offered a variety of cornpone travesties never seen before or since. Cowpokes wearing stilts, ice sculpture of a horse drinking from a barrel, and a hay ride entrance surrounded by topless cowboys are just some of the country-fried insanity that this party had to offer.
6."Lacey" (Season 6, Episode 8)
Most lit moment: Lacey makes her entrance wearing a showgirl outfit, riding an elephant
The problem with a coherent party theme is that it doesn't allow you to cram in every whim you can possibly imagine. Lacey's loosely cobbled together "Lacey Land" theme allowed her to throw a party that was part carnival, part circus, and part unintentional homage to Eyes Wide Shut. In a move that must have thrilled her father, Lacey made her entrance wearing a showgirl outfit while riding an elephant. Riding an elephant down her suburban driveway may seem like an amazing idea, but disaster almost struck. Her headdress turned out to be too large, and a wardrobe mishap led to Lacey almost becoming the first casualty in My Super Sweet Sixteen history. Lacey barely escaped catastrophe and the series maintained a decent working relationship with OSHA.
5."Quincy" (Season 7, Episode 1)
Most lit moment: A concert featuring Bow Wow and Omarion
This is one of the few Super Sweet Sixteens that you would actually want to attend in real life, unironically. Diddy arranged a party for his son featuring a dance contest, a concert, and a personal phone call from the likes of Jay Z. It turns out that life isn't terrible when you are the scion of the Combs clan.
4."Teyana Taylor" (Season 4, Episode 8)
Most lit moment: Teyana enters her party dressed a doll, complete with plastic case
R&B artist and notorious brawler Teyana Taylor gave herself a little early career exposure when she appeared on My Super Sweet Sixteen. After a drum line heralded her arrival, Teyana busted out of a Barbie box and performed a doll-inspired dance. Whenever opulence can be combined with performance art, you know that the party is off the chain.
3."Sky" (Season 7, Episode 2)
Most lit moment: Sky makes her entrance in a "hydraulic can can dress"
We've all been there: You go to all the trouble of having a twenty-foot tall dress with a hydraulic lift built especially for your party, and then your friends aren't there to see it. Luckily, Sky recovered from this embarrassment and had one of the best Moulin Rouge themed fashion show parties that the world has ever seen. She was rewarded for her perseverance with a pink Mustang, just as it would have been in turn of the century France.
2."Demetrius" (Season 8, Episode 1)
Most lit moment: Missy Elliott and Lil Wayne shared the stage with caged jungle cats
Not to be outdone by Diddy's daddy dotage, Timbaland threw his son Demetrius a sweet sixteen for the ages. It would have been more than enough if all Timbaland had provided was caged tigers and uncaged exotic dancers. But, then Flo Rida came out. Yes, Flo Rida is extremely available, but how many parties have a tiger and Flo Rida? Then Lil Wayne came out and the party was elevated past the level of car commercial level star power and into the sweet sixteen hall of fame.
1."Reginae Carter"
Most lit moment: Nicki Minaj drops in for a last minute performance
MTV resurrected the My Super Sweet Sixteen franchise just for Weezy's daughter's sweet sixteen. The roster of performers reads like a list of today's best selling rappers. The night's headliner, Nicki Minaj, almost didn't make her performance after missing her flight, but thankfully, incredible wealth triumphed over scheduling mishaps, and Nicki made the party just in time.