Image via Complex Original
1.
In the average person's list of practical nightmares, getting fired consistently ranks pretty highly. In July 2014, the national unemployment rate reached 6.2%, leaving 9.7 million Americans out of work. In any case, if the dreaded pink slip finds its way to your desk, don't freak out and punch a mirror or anything—follow these tips on how to get fired (and deal with the aftermath) in style. After all, if you plan on staying in the same industry, you will likely see these people again. Don't make that dreaded rookie mistake and burn bridges before your career takes off.
2.Go Gracefully
It might be hard to maintain composure when you first get the news, but take a deep breath and try to keep calm. Basically, don’t do this. Accept that if you were fired, there was definitely a reason, downsizing and mergers included. No bitch fits or debate sessions allowed. Politely negotiate your exit with your boss, shake hands, and leave on professional terms. You may want to say goodbye to coworkers as you're leaving, but it's probably best to email them later when you've had time to process what's happened, lest you have an existential freakout after clearing out your desk.
3.Lawyer Up
If you’re offered a severance deal, don’t blindly sign it without taking it home and having a lawyer review the fine print legal jargon first. If you think you were fired unlawfully (like if you're a homophone user, gay, or just too damn attractive) you can challenge your employer for wrongful termination. Lawyers usually charge per-hour fees, but it's worth it to know you didn't get short-changed because of your gender, race, age, or religion.
4.Don't Tweet for 72 Hours
Go on a social media hiatus for a few days, even if it’s just to clear your head. If you throw shade at your former company, even via poorly aimed subtweet, it reflects badly on you and only. Your old work will notice, and new places you interview at will inevitably do a social media check and find the bitterness unprofessional. No one wants a salty coworker.
5.Slide Back Into the Networking Game
Work really is about who you know, so keep your connections tight. Right after being fired, grab lunch with someone in your field you haven't seen in a while. Also, figure out who’ll be beneficial to stay in contact with from your former job. Both can be a valuable resources in your upcoming hunt for work; you never know who might have a good job lead or new opportunity. Network tactfully (think interested, not overeager) and you won't reek of desperation.
6.Don't Be a Bum
Being unemployed is a job in itself. Don’t keep a schedule of waking at noon, watching Seinfeld reruns in your robe, and being a generally unproductive rat turd. Put some pants on and spend a set amount of time each day applying for new jobs, writing cover letters, updating your resume— whatever you need to do to stay active and fresh.
7.Apply for Unemployment
One perk of being fired (as opposed to quitting) is that you most likely qualify for unemployment! It may seem degrading, but hey, this is what your precious tax dollars pay for. Eligibility is determined by state, and as long as you’re actively looking for a job, you can get financial help and access to career services. In New York, for example, the maximum benefits you can receive per week is $405. You can find your state's unemployment office here and apply accordingly. No shame in taking all the help you can get.
8.Ask Mom and Pops if the Basement Is Up for Grabs
Realistically, you'll need to cut back on your spending as much as possible, even if it mean temporarily shacking up with your parents. Now is definitely not the time to retool your wardrobe, go on a crazed Hunter S. Thompson-style bender, or take a fuck-it trip to the Bahamas. You’ve entered the Age of Ramen. Spend accordingly.
9.Keep Your Gym Membership
Working out on a regular basis will help you look better, feel better, and stay motivated for life in general. A 2008 twin study conducted in the Netherlands shows that regular exercise is associated with reduced symptoms for depression and anxiety, which are both pretty common feelings to experience in stressful situations like unemployment. Hitting the gym will also keep you busy, giving you less time to sulk and criticize your life choices, replacing them with feel-good endorphins. Now that you don't have an office to go to, it will keep you on a regular schedule, adding much-needed structure to the jobless void that is now your existence.
10.Make a Game Plan
Don’t blindly throw out your resume to every job that shows up on your first search. Take a little time to find out what exactly you want from a job (aside from the obvious fat paycheck) and focus on finding work you'll actually enjoy. After making sure your LinkedIn is properly updated, scour job-search engines like Indeed, SimplyHired, Monster, and Idealist for openings and do careful research before applying. Jumping for the first offer you receive will probably land you in a less-than-ideal position that you'll be gunning to leave, thus repeating the job search lifecycle.
11.Stay Based
Take some time to focus on the positive aspects of your life and remind yourself that losing your job is not the end of the world. Unemployment is almost always short-lived. It might be a tough transitory period, but like Boosie, you will survive.