Image via Complex Original
With the new season of Parks and Recreation under way, we realize how empty our Thursdays have been without Tom Haverford's office-casual polos, skinny ties, tailored blazers and the occasional ascot. This season the man once called (by himself) "Brown Superman with a Beard" and "The Brown Gosling” suits up to take on new challenges, namely pursuing Nadia and shutting down his Rent-a-Swag competitors.
Pawnee’s swankiest entrepreneur is also a master rebrander. He changed his name from Darwish Sabir Ismael Gani and rechristened himself Tom Haverford, confident ladies man. He proudly rocks the peacock and makes orange hats cool (just go with it, OK?). Tom operates on another level of "Adam Sandlers" (sandwiches), "Hot Ice" (water), and "Malt Whitmans" (40s).
He's literally (lit-er-ally) at the vanguard of a lexicon revolution. Study up and learn to talk the talk with Tom Haverford's New Dictionary of American English.
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Old-Ass Grapes
Definition: Raisins
Vanilla Ice
Definition: Soft-serve ice cream
Bust-a-Nut
Definition: Nutella
Lazy Gaga
Definition: Lasagna
Notorious P.I.G.
Definition: Pork
Cereal Sauce
Definition: Milk
Malt Whitmans
Definition: 40s
Oink Steaks
Definition: Pork chops
Gucci Mane or Guaca Guaca Flame
Definition: Guacamole
Punky Brewsters
Definition: Beers
Adam Sandlers
Definition: Sandwiches
Fro Yo Ma
Definition: Frozen yogurt
LL Cool Ade
Definition: Lemonade
Tea-Pain
Definition: Tea
Celery Swank
Definition: Celery
Lil' Surprises
Definition: Dumplings
Kanye Blood
Definition: Ketchup
Teacher Candy
Definition: Apples
Lil' Bow Wows
Definition: Cocktail Weiners
Hot Ice
Definition: Water
Chew Chew Trains
Definition: Gum
Muhammad Alis
Definition: Boxers
Busta Rinds
Definition: Pork rinds
Milk on the Rocks
Definition: Ice cream
Proud Cheerios
Definition: Fruit Loops
Lil' Flapperz
Definition: Hot wings
Cabbage Patch Kids
Definition: Brussel sprouts
Tickle Water
Definition: Seltzer
Deja Food
Definition: Leftovers
Food Rakes
Definition: Forks
Hulk Wieners
Definition: Pickles
Better Faster Stronger Water
Definition: Gatorade
Bear Drool
Definition: Honey
Pre-birds/Future Birds
Definition: Eggs
Leaf Piles
Definition: Salads
Biggie Smalls or Tiny-Ass Lobster
Definition: Jumbo shrimp
Bean Blankies
Definition: Tortillas
Cream-Filled Criminals
Definition: Cannolis
Pee Cologne
Definition: Asparagus
Lame Cookies
Definition: Crackers