Image via Complex Original
Pets, CGI and questionable comedic direction dominate the trailers of the week, while finally giving us a look at the insane Kevin Spacy cat flick Nine Lives. Also up: Shrek affiliated monster garbage, a corset-clad zombie fighting Lily James, a third rank sports satire, and yet another installment of yet another brooding dystopian YA franchise.
Trolls
Genre: Longform meme
Director: Mike Mitchell and Walt Dohrn
Stars: Anna Kendrick, James Corden, Justin Timberlake, Russell Brand
Release: November 4, 2016
It’s so painfully easy to say that DreamWorks is trolling here that we feel bad even doing it. Not as bad as this trailer is, though, which is lazy, offensive and all-around trash. The men who brought us Shrek are back with a collection of zany, awkward trolls, swapping out the "Hallelujah" covers for a hits-of-2015 playlist. Most of this trailer is relying on the Shrek factor and the fact that people love Anna Kendrick for some reason. In the end, one of the trolls gets eaten (“they’re delicious!”), which, seriously, is a relief. Then they all go off into hiding, which they will hopefully do until November 4th, and then get right back to doing after a paltry three week theater run.
Nine Lives
Genre: Family values comedy
Director: Barry Sonnenfeld (of Men In Black fame)
Stars: Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Garner, Christopher Walken
Release: August 5, 2015
Kevin Spacey joins the elite group of actors who have played high powered men turned pets, as Tim Allen and Matthew Modine did before him. YouTube commenters are already searching for answers re: why Kevin Spacey would ever sign on to this, and losing a bet and/or mafia debts are seeming more plausible than Spacey and his agent sitting down and saying, “sure, this seems like a cool career move.” Most of Spacey’s dialogue is done in voice-over, which is fine, although it would be even better if they made the cat’s mouth move around a-la the 2001 hit Cats & Dogs. If this is satire, it’s amazing, if it’s not: even better.
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
Genre: Period piece
Director: Burr Steers
Stars: Lily James, Lena Headey, Sam Riley
Release: February 5, 2016
Another addition to the crazy new genre where groups of hot women do things groups of hot women never do, like be funny or assert their personhood, the latest trailer for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies brings us lots of blood and lots of garters. We also get a satisfying shot of a pack of fast-zombies descending over a hill, all dressed up in tweed and wool suits and bonnets and other old-timey clothing. The trailer has lots of LOUD and INTENSE music, so that people won’t forget that this isn’t boring old Masterpiece Theater Pride and Prejudice, it’s Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Jane Austen: not just for teen girls anymore. Now teen boys can watch too!
The Bronze
Genre: “Raunchy”
Director: Bryan Buckley
Stars: Melissa Rauch, Gary Cole, Thomas Middleditch
Release: March 11, 2016
The Bronze premiered at Sundance in 2015 but is scheduled for a limited release on March 11th. In the most recent, revamped trailer, writer/lead Melissa Rauch (closet fans of The Big Bang Theory know her already) is a washed up bronze medal gymnast with a high ponytail and a “foul mouth.” The lead guy from Silicon Valley is also in this movie and plays basically the same character he does on TV except not rich. While some of this looks cute (Rauch’s midwestern accent, the gymnastics outfits) the fact that a two minute trailer is so exhausting doesn’t bode well for the nearly two hour movie.
The Divergent Series: Allegiant
Genre: Dystopian YA etc. etc.
Director: Robert Schwentke
Stars: Shailene Woodley, Zoë Kravitz, Miles Teller, Ansel Elgort
Release: March 18, 2016
Right away, the best part of this trailer is Ansel’s distressed expression at the 1:05 minute mark. The other highlight here is some PG-13 nudity, courtesy of a sci-fi shower scene. Viewers seem really excited at getting to check Shailene’s waist-to-hip ratio and her man’s watery pecks. This trailer is titled “Tear down the wall,” which is probably representative of class structure, or government, or something. It also means the walls we put up around ourselves, which is a Bad Thing, but also pretty par for the course in a world where dictators are keep killing your family members. Like in The Hunger Games!