Put a List on It: Ranking Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein's "Portlandia" Duos

In its four consistently solid seasons, Portlandia has had a slew of hilarious guest stars: Steve Buscemi as the guy trying re-brand celery, Jason Sudeikis as an organic farmer/polygamous cult leader, Kumail Nanjiani as the Around the World in 80 Plates waiter (and everything else). The show's off-kilter perspective lets everyone who comes on really tap into their weirdness. (Seriously, just look at those roles I mentioned again.)

But no matter how good Kyle MacLachlan is as the Mayor, the IFC show's stars will always be Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein and the long list of characters they play. The tag-team duo morphs into everything from punks to squares to over-the-hill hipsters in carefully crafted takedowns of pop culture and society's clichés. Over the past four seasons Armisen and Brownstein's creations have gone from tools of commentary to fully realized characters, some with deeply personal backstories and anecdotes that explain how they got so damn idiosyncratic. Portlandia started as a series that appeared to be wholly reliant on one-off sketches, but now it's clear that it's really just a handful of sitcoms shoved into one.

With the fifth season kicking off tonight, it's time for ranking of our favorite Portlandia duos. Admittedly, this was really hard, and if you asked me to do it again, the ranking would probably be very different. That's just how good all of these characters are.

Andrew Gruttadaro is the Pop Culture news editor. Every morning, he has the Cup of Joe, Side of Dough (99 cents) for breakfast. He also tweets here.

Standout episode: "Grover" (Season 2, Episode 4)

Most apt line: [Talking to their toddler] "By the way, we trademarked your name."

Armisen and Brownstein must've asked themselves, "Remember that hipster doofus couple we knew when we were 25? Can you believe they had a kid?" The ex-musicians Brendan and Michelle are the result of that conversation, with their overbearing child-rearing (they're the kind of parents who make their kid listen to Kraftwerk) and obsessive dedication towards being locavores and insisting they know best.

Naturally, Brendan and Michelle's best moments come when others prove that they do NOT know best, and that they're more or less losing it as they grow older. Also, it's really fun watching them try to figure out what a durian is.

Standout episode: "Cool Wedding" (Season 2, Episode 3)

Most apt line: "If there's anything you've done, then we won't do it."

This list is OVER! Spike and Iris—mostly Spike—are those people who hate FKA Twigs now because people know who she is. Honestly, they'd probably hate Portlandia because Complex made a list about it. They're anti for the sake of being anti, to an absurd degree. For example, here's Iris: "What a wedding says is, 'Everything's fine.' Nothing is fine. Show people dying."

If only Iris got as much play on the show as Spike does, this pair might be higher on the list.

Standout episode: "Pull-Out King" (Season 4, Episode 4)

Most apt line: "Malcolm's great with puns."

If Brendan and Michelle are Portlandia's fading middle-aged hipsters, Malcolm and Kris are even further over the hill. They're a lot less grating, though, and most of their humor is of the "old people are out of touch" variety, along with riffs on how growing up means suppressing your base desires. Whether they're tailgating "Prairie Home Companion" as if it's a Phish concert, lobbying to name a street after Martin Luther King, Sr., or unleashing pure tribal rage because of a newly installed fire pit, Malcolm and Kris are lame (and secretly crazy) in an adorable way.

Standout episode: "Mixologist" (Season 2, Episode 1)

Most apt line: "We were wondering if you were interested in accepting Portland into your life."

No wigs, no cross-dressing, no glued-on facial hair—this is just Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein. As such, nothing they specifically do is amazing, though Carrie teaching Fred about hip-hop and "The Wu-Tang Clang" is gold. Instead they act as the straight men for absurd characters—Kyle Maclachlan's mayor, Kumail Nanjiani's everything—to play against. They've been integral to some of Portlandia's greatest moments, including the crux of the second season's premiere, “Mixologist,” in my opinion the strongest episode the show's ever done.

Standout episode: "Ecoterrorists" (Season 4, Episode 2)

Most apt line: "We can pickle that!"

Not all entrepreneuers have good ideas. That's Bryce Shivers and, by proxy, Lisa Eversman, who for some reason continues to pal around with Bryce even though she clearly knows he's an idiot. The fad-jumping Bryce and Lisa are behind winning enterprises like We Can Pickle That, Put a Bird on It, The Outlet Hotel, and Rent It Out. None of these ideas work (Bryce when he hears Rent It Out's premise that you can rent out anything and anyone: "Isn't that kind of like, prostitution?"), but the duo continue to roll them out, despite admitted money trouble.

Bryce and Lisa are arguably one of Portlandia's more important couples—season one's "Put a Bird On It" episode was the first time the show really pushed into the mainstream. But they're ranked a little lower because we only get them in small doses. Unlike most of the other couples, Portlandia hasn't really shed light on the Bryce and Lisa behind those bad ideas. *Crosses fingers for this new season*

Standout episode: "Pull-Out King" (Season 4, Episode 4)

Most apt line: "Lance? That was kinda rough and I feel like when we do this, like, if I want you to stop, like, maybe we should have, like, a safe word."

Nina is every girly-girl trope in the book—obsessed with social media, birthday parties, romance. Lance, meanwhile, is every he-man stereotype there is—mustachioed, strong, quiet, loves motorcycles and working on cars. Nina is played by Fred. Lance is played by Carrie. Though the grode voice Carrie gives Lance makes my skin crawl, there's no denying how funny it is watching her embody pure masculinity, and vice-versa. And I'm always on board with any sketch that involves a man desperately explaining the concept of pulling out to a toddler.

Standout episode: "Mixologist" (Season 2, Episode 1)

Most apt line: "A-O River!"

Do you know anyone who's so dead set on doing activities that they end up strangling the fun out of every single one of them? That's Dave and Kath.

When friends wanna go out for tapas, these people start doing the flamenco on the table; when the power goes out in Portland, they have rough sex because they think they need to procreate to save the human race; and when they take their dog to a park, they rope off a designated area for him. Dave and Kath go 0-100 real quick, all the damn time. They'd be absolutely horrible to be friends with, but they're amazing to watch—especially when they lose control of a situation. Which is all the time.

Standout episode: "One Moore Episode" (Season 2, Episode 2)

Most apt line: "You know what? Please, this time, don't watch a bunch of YouTube videos and then fall asleep with your clothes on and all the lights on in the house. Doug? That's it—I'm calling a sitter."

Carrie Brownstein does her best work as an uptight control freak (see: Kath, Michelle), and Claire really has her shit together—except for the fact that she's dating a total freeloader.

The beauty of this couple's skits is how Armisen's Doug constantly pulls Claire into the gutter. "Why don't we just watch one episode of Battlestar Galactica?" he says, a couple days before Claire loses her job because she and Doug have been binging the series for a week straight. It's a funny comment on a dynamic that's likely prevalent (or at least bubbling underneath the surface) in every romantic relationship. A ton of women would be taking over the world right now, if only they could cut their anchors and stop merging their finances with dipshits.

Standout episode: "Feminist Bookstore's 10th Anniversary" (Season 2, Episode 8)

Most apt line: "Every time you say the word unit or box or equipment, I feel a penis here, I feel a penis here, I feel a penis here, I am halfway to pregnant."

Everyone's favorite feminists. Candace and Toni, everlasting soulmates. (I guess? It's never clear how deep their relationship goes, which is part of the fun.)

They run a bookstore but aren't particularly concerned with selling books. Instead, Candace and Toni ride 24/7 in an effort to wipe away all traces of the male gaze from the face of the earth. Don't call them sweetie, because that shit's sexist. Don't point to anything—your finger looks like a penis.

The PC bear traps Candace and Toni set for those who visit Women & Women First—traps every single person falls into—will never get old to watch. And when Candace or Toni is faced with a natural desire that plays into the patriarchy's hand, it's thrilling to watch them battle those internal conflicts. Fortunately, it looks like we're going to get a heavy dosage of these two in the new season.

Standout episode: "Winter in Portlandia" (Season 3, Episode 1)

Most apt line: "You're my guy."

Peter and Nance are Portlandia's most basic couple. Armisen and Brownstein aren't poking fun at their elitism or how they only drink moonshine—they're poking fun at the couple's innocence, and what happens when these two green lovebirds get thrown into unfamiliar territory.

Over the course of four seasons, Peter and Nance have found themselves indoctrinated into a cult run by Jason Sudeikis, fought withdrawals from an addiction to pasta, tested out life as swingers, and been led into the unknown darkness by a stranger named Birdman (Birdman? Bittermen? Bidman?). They just wade into the weird in blissful ignorance.

Peter is Fred Armisen's best character on the show—the nervous stutter he breaks out in nearly every sketch is legendary—and the way Nance just holds his hand and earnestly leads him into the breach is just the cherry on top. What can I say? These are my guys.