A shocking fan question left Theo Von stunned on a recent episode of his podcast.
On Tuesday’s episode of his podcast This Past Weekend, the comedian seemed aghast after a caller said he accidentally impregnated his first cousin.
“I've been talking to this girl for, like, years, and it turns out I got her pregnant,” the caller said around the 21-minute mark of the video above. “After that all happened, the word got around, and somehow it turns out that she's my first cousin.”
“Wow. Dang, brother. You’re gonna be raising a dang lizard, homie,” Von said. “I haven't looked at a chart recently, I don't know the genetic legalities of that. They say, ‘Don't piss where your family is,' or whatever that old saying is, dude. I feel like you've gone past that at this point.”
“You're gonna need a farrier to come and put shoes on that thing,” Von quipped as he suggested keeping a close eye on the baby for any potential genetic risks. “At the very least, it's gonna need glasses. That thing is gonna need bifocals, brother. I mean, you're just playing Russian roulette with your DNA right there.”
Von confirmed through a brief Google search that while it’s physically possible for first cousins to conceive, “Such relationships carry a slightly elevated risk of genetic disorders compared to unrelated parents.”
“Some people like things different, you know, some people like pickles on their chili, you feel me?” he said.
The comedian then advised to “let some other people” keep tabs on the child, such as a night nurse or a lifeguard, to “make sure it doesn't stand straight up when the moon is full.” He also joked about hitting “a couple high notes near it on an instrument” to see “if its eyes turn red or anything.”
“Look, a lot of people have good looking cousins, let's say that. But not a lot of them are as brave as you, brother,” Von said further into the segment. “Just stay safe, brother, and I would back off that type of behavior. You know, if you win this round of DNA roulette, brother, I'd leave the rest of the bullets in the chamber, baby, when it comes to family."
He continued, “The Lord don't give you what you can't handle, you know, but I'm just saying … just meet somebody else, meet somebody. Because if you're dating your cousin, you're not even getting out there. But maybe you're getting married to your cousin, I don't—look, brother … I would ask probably a state official or somebody. I would ask a pastor about this one.”
Watch Theo Von’s “Pickle Chili” episode of This Past Weekend up top.
