Ellen DeGeneres revealed the impact that toxic workplace allegations took on her.
The 66-year-old comedian spoke on the matter during her Netflix special, Ellen DeGeneres: For Your Approval, which arrived on the streaming platform on Tuesday.
DeGeneres, whose talk show ran for 19 seasons between 2003 and 2022, became the center of controversy when BuzzFeed News published a report in July 2020 of former employees of her talk show accusing her of being “mean” and blaming the show’s executive producers for its day-to-day toxicity.
"I'm happy not being a boss or a brand or a billboard, just a person," said DeGeneres during her final comedy special, per People.
She continued, "Just a multifaceted person with different feelings and emotions, and I can be happy and sad and compassionate or frustrated. I have OCD and ADD. I'm honest. I'm generous. I'm sensitive and thoughtful. But I'm tough, and I'm impatient, and I'm demanding. I'm direct. I'm a strong woman."
DeGeneres said that being in comedy made her “care what people think,” implying that perceptions are the only real currency for success.
"If they like you, you're in, and if they don't, you're out. And I've spent an entire lifetime trying to make people happy and I've cared far too much what other people think of me. So, the thought of anyone thinking that I'm mean was devastating to me, and it consumed me for a long time," she added, noting that aging provided her with “perspective.”
"After a lifetime of caring, I just can't anymore. So I don't. But if I'm being honest... and I have a choice of people remembering me as someone who was mean or someone who was beloved. Be-lov-ed? Beloved? Beloved. Someone who is beloved? .... " DeGeneres concluded before adding, "I choose that."
The Ellen DeGeneres Show wrapped up in May 2022, roughly two years after BuzzFeed News’ published its report. As noted by People, the comedian told the Hollywood Reporter that her decision to end the show was not motivated by the allegations.
Ellen DeGeneres: For Your Approval is streaming now on Netflix.