10 Places DJs Haven't Sold Out (Yet)

In August of 2012, the Curiosity space rover landed on Mars. In August of 2013, Richard Branson is planning to leverage Virgin Galactic's space tourism program to bring Virgin's "Freefest" to a whole new level. While tickets are free, spaces on Virgin's maiden spaceship are limited so act fast to get your seat today. Performers will include Daft Punk, the robots from LMFAO, and David Guetta's pacemaker.

While many Los Angeles natives were excited to host the last stop on Swedish House Mafia's final tour, the house music crime syndicate has thrown a proverbial cruveball into the mix by adding a new final tour stop in the great state of Montana - well, actually, it IS the state of Montana. After selling out some of the biggest venues in the country in mere minutes, SHM's representation is expecting a similar result for Montana. Tickets will go on sale next month, but are reportedly already being sold on Craigslist for triple the initial price.

Located in Red Rock Park, nearby the world-renowned Red Rock Amphitheater, The Fiscal Cliff is the newest addition to Hard events with this Spring's pending one night festival, Hard Tax Season. Tickets will reportedly go on sale at the last minute and, involve lots of confusing paperwork and multiple forms of ID. A spokesperson for the event predicts many tickets will be written off as a business expense. Headliners A-Trak and Dillon Francis have been asked to remove the hit single "Money Makin" from their performances as organizers fear its potential for causing riots.

In an attempt to promote his new career as a DJ, Pope Benedict XVI recently invited Avicii to join him in a show this April at Vatican City to celebrate his 86th birthday. "Everyone is a DJ these days," says producer/DJ/personality/reality star/porn star/heiress/model/public embarassment Paris Hilton,"I just wish his holiness would leave DJing up to the people who actually love the music, ya know?" Hilton was not invited to the event, as members of the church feared she may burst into flames upon entering holy ground.

After a debacle with city officials in the wake of last year's Mad Decent Block Party, Steve Aoki has reportedly offered up Mad Decent artist Munchi's hair as a possible venue for next summer's event. "It's a little bit bigger than we're used to," says Aoki of the venue change, "but we couldn't get the permits to Troy Polamalu's hair and Nicki Minaj's ass is holding a charity event that weekend." Mad Decent is confident it will be able to sell out tickets to the 70K capacity venue, considering last year's record turn out. Los Angeles city officials are skeptical, however, citiing numerous rain dates and Munchi's tendency to lather, rinse, as well as repeat.

After the commercial success of the movie Avatar, the owner of Spirit Hoods has agreed to sponsor an event on the outlying planet of Pandora that many in the industry agree will "totally feel like it's in iMax 3D" and "definitely have crazier light shows than Bisco." Promoters of the event agree, as word has recently been leeked that the glowing Tree of Souls has signed a three-year, $2.8 millon deal for an exclusive residency of the planet (excluding a New Year's show at Tryst, Las Vegas, that was signed prior to the arrangement). Headliners have not yet been determined, as previous performers have been crushed to death by overly enthusiastic, giant, blue, groupies and fans.

A few days before Trap Hawk Down, Diplo has decided to add one more stop to the 24 hour tour-de-force by including the island from the television series Lost. Rather than responding to questions about this last minute addition, Diplo's camp instead sent out a press kit with a smoke bomb, a riddle, and a legal statement that if this event turns out to be a dream, concert-goers will not be refunded for their tickets or six seasons of wasted time.

In a recent study conducted by the Italian tourism board, Millenials found the thousands of years of art, architecture, and world history in Italy's capital city of Rome to be "boring," "super weak," and needing "more bass." Therefore, in an attempt to revitalize their image with younger travelers, city officials have agreed to the Roman Coliseum's first event since the 6th Century. Attendants will be encouraged to keep their hands in their pockets and use their indoor voices.

It's no secret that California's jails are overcrowded, and in many cases well over capacity. So then it should be no surprise that state officials have reached out to Insomniac Events CEO, Pasquale Rotella, to help handle the situation - as his experience with overcrowded venues and massive riots has made his resume extremely appealing. "The potential [at San Quentin] is pretty astounding," says Rotella, "I mean, think about the collaboration with hip-hop artists. Most of them are already locked up, so they've got no choice but to perform with us." Insomniac isn't the only events company that has their eye on the California state penetentiary system, however, as Golden Voice has threatened to move Coachella to Alacatraz if Indio Valley continues to be uncooperative.

After failing to garner the support he thought he would for his Grammy nomination, Al Walser has anounced that he will be performing in Imagination Land in what he hopes to be his biggest show yet. Walser's people believe this could be a great PR move as members of the EDM community can imagine that he doesn't suck and it will inevitably come true. Sources close to South Park disagree, however, and have made a public statement that, "...no one has an imagination that big." Butters has refused to comment.