The Weeknd Reportedly Initiated Breakup With Selena Gomez

The people have spoken, and they want more "reportedly"-filled articles about the intimate relationship details of two people far too famous to even remotely give a fuck what they think.

As people who couldn't possibly know for sure claimed in recent days, two people who will never be aware of your existence—The Weeknd and Selena Gomez—reportedly ended their 10-month period of standing on red carpets together and providing websites with barely earned clicks after a period of "back and forth." I put that last part in quotes because it came from one of People's "sources," which means whatever you want it to mean.

Anyway, the first day of November has brought us another round of this shit. TMZnow claims to have sources so closely connected to the Weeknd and Selena Gomez that they not only know exactly when the Weeknd calls people, but they also know exactly what he says. This seems like a stretch for a variety of reasons, most notably the fact that no one calls anyone anymore, not even for emergencies. Hell, most of us would send the siren emoji to 911 before we ever dialed it.

Believability level and general TMZ-ness aside, here's what we're dealing with on this hungover Wednesday: "Multiple sources" have claimed that the Weeknd called Selena Gomez on some sort of telephonic device, explained that their relationshit wasn't working out, then called it off. The two are also reportedly still friendly, making the Weeknd an expert breaker-upper.

But that's enough "reportedly" for now. Personally, I'd much rather spend my time talking about the squirrels of Hillsong.