Image via Complex Original
Drake's new Meek Mill diss, "Charged Up," sounds like cold soup. We, as clamorous rap fans and shameless instigators, deserve better than thinly veiled Meek jabs, limp-dick TIDAL punchlines, and vague innuendo about, maybe, Nicki Minaj. Say the names, Aubrey!
However, with or without Quentin Miller's assistance, Drake is so far winning this little war with Meek Mill on the strength of his catalog, brand, and Meek's totally lame reason for beefing ("Wah-wah! Where's my album tweet?"). Meek is supposedly premiering a diss record later this evening with Funk Flex—but will it matter? After failing to escalate his brief, post-"Control" rivalry with Kendrick Lamar in 2013, does Meek really stand a chance of knocking off Drake?
Well, if Meek Mill follows our advice, he just might could pull it off. Here are 5 Things Meek Mill's Diss Song Needs to Beat Drake.
Say Something New
Drake is soft. Drake is soft as baby lotion. Drake is soft as duck fat. Drake is soft as the contours of our Khloe Kardashian cover. His name is Aubrey, and he sings about buying girls snow tires. He's from Canada. He's a soap opera actor. OK, OK, OK, we get it. Apart from revealing to us that Drake is propped up by "co-writers," Meek Mill needs to break us off with some real oppo research a la Jay Z putting Nas' finances and love life on blast on "Takeover," or at least step to Drake with some truly, deeply unshakeable taunts. The sort of insults that keep you up and sweating in the middle of a Calabasas night.
Don't Say You'll Shoot Him (And Maybe Don't Yell So Much, Either)
Three years after the fact, there's lingering disagreement over who won the Meek Mill vs. Cassidy beef. While Meek was characteristically aggressive and loud, Cassidy kept it cheeky, condescending, and personal. Likewise, Meek's post-"Control" dig at Kendrick Lamar left no dent because "Ooh Kill Em" was so inefficient and unquotable. Drake has weathered much worse.
Still, despite his frequenting the gym, Hush having a gun, and that funny video of him charging into that club in D.C., no one really believes that Drake is out for bloodshed. Also, Meek is the one who started the beef! Keep this shit on wax and come with something wittier and more devastating than predictable guntalk and a warning that young buck better not show his face in Philly.
Justify Why He Called Out Drake in the First Place
The origin story for this beef is the wackest shit I've ever heard. "Drake sold me a co-written guest verse and then failed to tweet a link to my iTunes page" is no "Jay Z fucked my babymother and then made a hit song about it with Twista and Missy Elliott," that's for goddamn sure. Is there some deeper, more interesting, more compelling series of events that might favorably explain why Meek suddenly wants war with Drake? There must be something else at play here. Something else must have happened between these two. At least, we hope something else happened. We really hope this all isn’t over the fact that a verse Drake spit—on one of the hottest tracks on Meek's album—was written by someone else. And we really hope this isn’t because this nigga didn’t tweet out a link.
Let Nicki Minaj Spit a Verse...or At Least an Ad-Lib or Something
Nicki Minaj doesn't need Meek speaking for her, and anyway she's a stronger rapper than Meek, so she may as well hop on this diss track and answer Drake's innuendos herself, definitively. Wish a nigga would clap back at Nicki Minaj. Just make sure it’s more so “All Eyez on Me,” and less so “All Eyes on You.”
Be a Hit Record
Modern diss records fucking suck. Even Kendrick's "Control" verse is bogged down in long-ass verses from Big Sean and Jay Electronica, such that the biggest diss record of the past decade is pretty much unfit for radio. A shame, really. Meek should do one better here and embed his harshest barbs for Drake onto a song that someone would actually to hear in a nightclub. "Hit 'Em Up"=BANGER. "The Bridge Is Over"=BANGER. "Takeover"= BANGER. "Wanksta"= BANGER. Remember: Drake won his beef with Common with just a few subliminals over a beat that Common couldn't escape.