Image via Complex Original
While rap has long had a problem with women, hip-hop's stars have always shown love for their own mothers: Kanye is and was famously devoted to Donda; Jay-Z lovingly placed Gloria on his album; Puffy put Janice into furs and songs. Jim Jones made Mama Jones into a VH1 celebrity. And—of course—Eminem...um...got Kim Basinger to play the role of Debbie, which some could say is a compliment, if you haven't seen 8 Mile.
But when it comes to others' mothers, the words often aren't as nice. With Mother's Day coming up, ItsTheReal’s Eric and Jeff Rosenthal looked through all of the Hallmark cards and found the 15 Cruelest Mom Disses in Rap. They love their mother very much.
Written by ItsTheReal (@itsthereal)
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15. Willie D "I Wanna F**k Your Momma" (1994)
Lyric: "Your old man ain't hittin it right, that bitch needs some young pipe/And I'm the motherfucking plumber, I wanna fuck your mama." (1:55)
So...was this the song Beyonce would listen to as a young'n? Cause that kind of language and imagery would most definitely not be tolerated in the House of Dereon. Also, according to every and any manual available online, what Willie D is describing is not what a plumber is paid to do. Hopefully on Mother's Day, initiative is all that Willie D is allowed to show.
14. Method Man "Biscuits" (1994)
Lyric: "Yo mama don't wear no drawers! I saw her when she took them off!/Standin' on the welfare line, Eating swine tryin' to look fine, with her stank behind/You can ask the bitch and she'll tell ya fast, Meth-Tical got STYLE with his nasty ass" (0:16)
"Oh, you noticed?" —Your mother, as she looks over her shoulder at Method Man and gives him a big wink.
13. Schoolly D "Put Your Filas On" (1986)
Lyric: "What's that word you be sayin, muthafucka?/I guess it's alright, man, I don't care/But I might scare your mama out her underwear" (3:49)
What kind of evil people scare women out of their underwear? What kind of monster is Schoolly D to run up on ladies and scare the bejesus outta them, to the point where their undergarments just fall off? What is inside the soul of a man who plots a course of action which results in a woman's last layer just dropping to the floor? A genius. That's what's inside Schoolly D. An evil, evil, genius.
12. Ice Cube "Check Yo Self" (1993)
Lyric: "You better check yourself before you wreck yourself/Cause I'm bad for your health, I come real stealth/Dropping bombs on your moms, kill car alarms/Do a foul crime, I'm that nigga with the Alpine" (0:19)
It's amazing that Ice Cube promises to wipe out pretty much the entirety of society, and makes sure to single out your mother as a target. Like, "I need to hit the big targets: White House, New York City, maybe a couple of Target stores, but I really want to make sure to get your mom's car in there." This isn't a cruel diss against your mother; this is an honor.
11. KRS-One on Boogie Down Production's "Super Hoe" (1987)
Lyric: "Grab your girl and run for protection/Your mama too, cause I'd like to mention/Scott La Rock had em all." (1:02)
When the Teacher speaks, we should all listen. And this is pretty devastating to hear, so breathe deep and take this time to hold someone's hand... He said that Scott La Rock has slept with every single mother out there. Which means he's our father. All of us. Which means we have to reevaluate our whole family structures. Which means we have to take back past Father's Day cards and gifts. Which means...oh wait, sometimes teachers are wrong.
10. The Notorious B.I.G. "Dead Wrong" (2000)
Lyric: "She don't remember shit, just the two hits/Her hitting the floor and me hitting the clit/Sucking on the tits, had the hooker begging for the dick/And your moms ain't ugly, love, my dick got rock quick" (1:11)
Here's my impersonation of this song being played on the radio: "She don't remember ______, just the two ____, _______________________, had the _____ begging for the ____, and your moms ain't ugly, love, my _____________________." Question: How was this song ever made? UOENO.
9. Eazy-E on N.W.A.'s "Straight Outta Compton" (1988)
Lyric: "Straight outta Compton/is a brother that'll smother your mother/and make your sister think I love her." (2:51)
Odds that Eazy meant "smother," like "smother with love?" 5 to 1. Odds that Eazy meant "smother," like "smother with a pillow?" 4 to 1. Odds that Eazy slurred his words and meant to just say "mother?" 10 to 1. Odds that Eazy meant "smother" like the legendary comedians, the Smothers Brothers? 30 to 1. Odds that Eazy meant "smother" like the acronym "Shout Mothers Out; They Have Everyone's Respect?" 10,000 to 1. Odds that a ghostwriter wrote that line and Eazy didn't really mean it at all? Even.
8. Melachi the Nutcracker on Group Home's "Inna Citi Life" (1995)
Lyric: "Swing the mic, livin trife, do what you like/I hit your moms in the head with a metal pipe" (0:59)
Things the guys from Group Home like to do, as seen on Facebook: hang out with friends, go to hip-hop shows, travel, wait for Arrested Development to come back, and—oh right—hit women in the head with lead pipes. Weird that he's the only one with that particular interest on Facebook, because, like, Facebook's a big place.
7. Cam'ron "Dear Stan" (2000)
Lyric: "Hung out with you on Mother's Day, because your mother's dead" (0:43)
Um... Happy Mother's Day? Love, Cam.
6. Snoop Doggy Dogg on Dr. Dre's ""(F**kin Wit) Dre Day"" (1992)
Lyric: "But here's a jimmy joke about your mama that you might not like/I heard she was the 'Frisco dyke/But fuck your mama, I'm talkin about you and me." (1:53)
This diss actually requires some explanation: On the song "Dre Day," Dr. Dre lays some pretty brutal attacks against Eazy-E; Snoop's verse was about Tim Dog, the Bronx rapper who, jealous of the attention N.W.A. and other West Coast acts had received, famously said, "Fuck Compton." Near the start of this verse, Snoop tells this joke (which isn't really a joke, but no matter), saying that Tim Dog's mother has a penis. It's confusing, because, if his mother really was endowed, how could Tim Dog ever be born?! Did they have science back in the 1990s?
5. Fatlip on The Pharcyde's "Ya Mama" (1991)
Lyric: "The sad fact ya mama smokes crack/She got a burning yearning and there's no turning back/Her knuckles drag down to the ground when she walk/Spit comes out that bitch mouth when she talk" (0:37)
You have to wonder if the guys from The Pharcyde expected to ever go over to a friend's house for dinner again after the release of a song that basically plays like a live reading of the Snaps book. If Imani, Bootie Brown, FatLip, or SlimKid3 ever expected life to be like a Sunny D commercial or Stove Top Stuffing commercial, they were sorely mistaken. And most likely hungry. Good. Maybe they'll feel the aching deep inside their stomachs, because you know who else was hungry? The mothers. FOR COMPLIMENTS.
4. Chief Keef "Love Sosa" (2012)
Lyric: "I get lots of commas, I can fuck yo momma" (2:11)
Here's how I imagine this situation playing out: Your mom is sitting on a bench at the mall. A GBE associate comes over and taps her on the shoulder; he says Chief Keef would like to talk to her. Your mom has no idea who Chief Keef is, but is amused; she wonders if this is going to be on TV, maybe she should get you or your brother to teach her how to set the DVR. She laughs to herself as she fumbles with her purse: "Only you, [your mom's name]. Only you!" Chief Keef approaches, stopping a few feet away. Your mom looks at him, a little nervous. Chief Keef is wearing giant sunglasses, an ill-fitting bubble vest and True Religion jeans. He mumbles something.
Your mom looks a little confused, but she asks him to repeat himself, super-nicely because your mom is really nice. Silence hangs in the air. Chief Keef then pulls out a giant stack of money and puts it up to his ear, pretending that it's a phone. He mumbles something about something. Your mom blinks for few moments. She stands up and begins to walk away. Then she stops, turns around and says, "Are we gonna fuck or what?"
3. Cam'ron "Takeover (Freestyle)" (2006)
Lyric: "I send you a tape of your sister and your mom kissin'/My dick that is, see how foul them bitches is?/Four minutes they gonna lick my kids" (1:14)
Now this is just not nice, not to mention there's a whole lot of issues at play. First of all, someone's mother and sister, who happen to work together, are having inappropriate relations with each other at the workplace: Cam's Crotch. Presumably the son/brother in question is the head of human resources at Cam's Crotch, because Cam promised to send him video footage of these workplace acts of incest. And based off of Cam's critique, these women will probably get a talking to. But if there's any good news, it's that there's only four more minutes until their shift is done.
2. Everlast on House of Pain's "Runnin Up on Ya" (1994)
Lyric: "I can drop a bomb full of semen in ya mom/And keep her screamin till dawn..." (02:18)
"You are so beautiful...to me...can't you see? You're everything I hoped for, you're everything I need... You are so beautiful...to me..."
That's now your second choice for a wedding song, now that this one has become your first.
1. JuJu on The Beatnuts "Straight Jacket" (1994)
Lyric: "I'm here to drop bombs, and snap on your moms/And call the bitch a dirty custodian." (1:08)
Lemme get this straight, Juju: You're here for three reasons, and none of them are to kick ass or take names. Instead you're promising to rap well and make fun of someone's mother, who probably has nothing to do with whatever issue you have with her son, besides the fact that she birthed him. So that's what you'll rag on her for, right? Oh no? What's that? You're gonna call her a "dirty custodian?" So you're insinuating she's just not good at her profession? Wonderful. Thanks for playing.