Keri Hilson wanted to "disappear" from music when she was in the throes of depression.
The R&B singer-songwriter, who has spoken publicly about her mental health journey, recently opened up about reaching a point of deep dissatisfaction in her life during an interview with V-103 Atlanta on Tuesday (October 21).
Around the five-minute mark of the video below, Hilson reflected on a “series of moments” that led her to realize she needed help.
"One was me realizing that the thing that I had grown up to love and pursue relentlessly–my life was radio silent and I wasn't used to that," she told hosts Big Tigger and Jazzy McBee. "But one day I didn't realize it had happened. You know, things transition and you're kind of unaware and I just realized, like, I don't listen to music at all. I don't sing. I don't hum. I probably didn't whistle."
The "Pretty Girl Rock" vocalist said that losing her sense of fulfillment in music was an “indicator” that she wanted to “hide and disappear.” “I didn’t want to die, but I wanted to disappear,” she clarified.
Hilson also shared that she has taken a “hero dose” of psychedelic mushrooms twice under a doctor’s supervision and said she hasn’t felt “anywhere near bottom” since.
Earlier this year, the singer partly attributed her depression and hiatus from the music industry to the "regret" she felt after recording a 2009 diss track rumored to target Beyoncé. It would later be revealed that singer-songwriter Ester Dean had a hand in co-writing the song, prompting Hilson to criticize her on social media for remaining silent about the matter for years.
Hilson previously spoke on her usage of mushrooms on podcast Angie Martinez IRL and said the trips "cured" her depression.
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