Image via Complex Original
At least until very recently, rappers performing at lavish Bar Mitzvahs—the Jewish coming-of-age ceremony—was one of those weirdly unspoken taboos of rap: An incredibly lucrative way to make quick, easy money, that nobody wanted to talk about, let alone have evidence of. Why?
Well, for one thing, to take money to perform for a bunch of barely pubescent children (literally: 13-year-old children) doesn't really do much to, say, firm up one's reputation in the streets. And when so many rappers' reps are so connected to how much they've caked up, when they're taking money to perform at children's birthday parties (no matter how much money they're taking), their bank accounts still pale in comparison to the people booking them.
But between Rick Ross' recent The Black Bar Mitzvah mixtape and Drake's Bar Mitzvah-themed video for "HYFR," the topic might be losing a little of the scandalous sheen it's previously held. But then again, after getting the full visual on some of the following pictures and videos—some of which have never publicly appeared, previously—it could require revisiting. Either way, one thing's certain: These kids and their parties became the stuff of legends...that need to be put on the Internet.
These are Great Moments in Rappers Performing at Bar Mitzvah Parties. Mazel tov, B.
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Drake, at Andrew Zucker's Bar Mitzvah
Where: The Four Seasons Restaurant (New York)
Date: May 7, 2011
Songs Performed: "Best I Ever Had," "What's My Name," and "Over," among others.
Amazing Things:
1. This bar mitzvah, for the kid of former NBC chairman Jeff Zucker, was supposed to be played by Kanye West. Yeezy wanted a million. Drake undercut him, playing the show for $250 G's.
2. Drake's speeches between songs during this were straight up incredible. If you think the Take Care interludes are inspirational, may we suggest fast-fowarding to 3:55 in the above video, which, as of this writing, has only been seen by a handful of people?
Highlights:
"Tonight, this is your moment. I want to let you know: You're now a man. So I want to encourage you, man, to make the right decisions. Pick your friends wisely. It seems like you got a lot of great people around you that love you. I want you to take a lot of wisdom from the people in this room, too. [...] To all my young Jewish men, keep being great Jewish men. I'mma do the same."
Immortalized in Song?
Oh yes: "Just performed at a bar mitzvah over in the statesss/used half of the money to beat my brother's cassse."
T.I. at Adam Katzman's Bar Mitzvah
Where: The Townsend Hotel (Birmingham, MI)
Date: March 21, 2009
Songs Performed: "Whatever You Like," "What's Happening, What's Up," among others.
Other Notable Guests: Cleveland Cavs owner Dan Gilbert, Miami Heat player Dwyane Wade.
Amazing Things:
1. The 13/13 Club—a la The 40/40 Club—is a brilliant theme.
2. Six days after this concert, T.I. would be sentenced to a year in jail on a gun charge.
3. The owner of the Cleveland Cavs got into a fight during the party. Seriously.
4. Dwayne Wade wasn't there as a guest, really: He just happened to be in town, playing the Detroit Pistons, and staying at the hotel where the party was.
5. Adam, now a few years older, was nice enough to send us the above photos. He explained that T.I. performed for about 45 minutes, and did a bunch of songs off of Paper Trail. The show got a rave review from his high school's newspaper.
50 Cent, at Elizabeth Brooks's Bat Mitzvah
Where: The Rainbow Room, Rockefeller Center (New York)
Date: November 26, 2005
Songs Performed: Among others, "In Da Club," with the lyrics changed to "Go shorty/It's your bat mitzvah/We gonna party like it's your bat mitzvah." Couldn't make this shit up if we tried.
Other Guests: Oh, you know: Aerosmith, Ciara, Tom Petty, Stevie Nicks, Don Henley, and Kenny G. As performers.
The Swag Bags: Were reportedly worth upwards of $1,000 for each of Elizabeth's friends. And were jam-packed with iPods, digital cameras, you know, normal party bag stuff.
The Performance: The New York Daily News had what could only be described as a classic report on the matter:
At one point, I'm told, one of Fitty's beefy bodyguards blocked shots of his boss performing and batted down the kids' cameras, shouting "No pictures! No pictures!" even preventing Brooks' personal videographers and photographers from capturing 50 Cent's bat-miztvah moment. "Fitty and his posse smelled like an open bottle of Hennessy," a witness told told me, adding that when the departing rapper prepared to enter his limo in the loading dock, a naked woman was spotted inside.
Sorry, Fif. These pictures were bound to end up resurfacing. You don't just walk away with a $500,000 paycheck for five songs and expect someone not to take a picture.
The Ending: So by now, you're probably wondering where all that money came from, no? Try: Being a maker of bulletproof vests for the Iraq War, and not just bulletproof vests, but bulletproof vests that faced a recall. As for the proud father, David H. Brooks—a man who was once called "America's most ostentatious war profiteer"—he ended up being charged with a whole bunch of securities fraud violations and was later convicted of most of them. Goes without saying, but Fitty got to keep his blood money.
Snoop Dogg, at Mark Chaplin's Bar Mitzvah
Where: The InterContinental Miami (Miami)
Date: Feb 3, 2007
Other Notable Guests: NFL players (and then-Miami Dolphins) Wes Welker, Jason Taylor, and Zach Thomas, as well as former Dolphins Jimmy Cefalo and Joe Rose.
The Miami Herald's Version of Events: "No one seemed bothered by Snoop's arrest record—cocaine and gun possession (convicted), and murder (acquitted). Nothing wild from the host of Girls Gone Wild: Doggy Style. 'He kept everything clean,' says one partygoer. 'He said it was his first bar mitzvah.'''
Snoop's Version of Events: "I performed at a bar mitzvah. And I'm telling you, man, these little motherfuckers, they were singing my shit, they was cussin', they were singing the dirty version. I'm talking about 12 and 13-year-old little white kids singin' this real gangsta shit. Man. I was shocked. I just gave them the mic and let them motherfuckers go." [via Esquire]
Ja Rule, at Amber Ridinger's Bat Mitzvah
Where: The Forge Nightclub (Miami)
Date: November 12, 2005
Other Notable Guests: Including (but not limited to!) Ashanti, Irv Gotti (yes: Irv Gotti), Marques Houston, Omarion, Mike Piazza, and DJ AM.
Songs Performed: Among others, "Always on Time" and "Livin' It Up."
Actual Factuals, Part 1: Amber wore a $27,000 Dolce & Gabbana dress. According to the New York Times. Which was there. Along with MTV News.
Actual Factuals, Part 2: So were, for some inexplicable reason, Oompa Loompas (see above).
Actual Factuals, Part 3: Ja Rule told his audience:
"I'm Uncle Ja," he said, with his arm wrapped around a beaming Amber. "I'm really here just to scare all the little boys, the little 13-year-old bad boys that try to hit on little Amber. That's why I'm here."
Flo Rida, at a Canadian Bar Mitzvah
The Gig: Unnamed Bar Mitzvah in Quebec
Where: Congregation Shaar Hashomayim (Quebec, Canada)
Date: June 18, 2011
Songs Performed: "Get Low," obviously. Also: "Who Dat Girl," "You Spin Me Round."
Other Notable Guests: N/A.
Notes: There's little out there on the incident besides a TMZ report, which memorably (at least for those involved) borders on anti-Semitic, which is possibly why they removed it from the site. Thankfully, for us, it still lives on, like everything on the Internet. But it's like: Of course Flo Rida would perform at a Bar Mitzvah in Canada. If there's anything to the idea that there is an opposite to Drake, it's this.
D12, at Ethan Weisman's Bar Mitzvah
Where: Unnamed Suburban Detroit Country Club (West Bloomfield, MI)
Date: October 6, 2001
Songs Performed: None.
Other Notable Guests: Eminem wasn't there. So there's that.
Huh? Okay, so: Less than a month after September 11, 2001, the world was in a pretty weird place. Take, for example, this weird little cultural anomaly. The father of Ethan Weisman, a huge D12 fan, managed to get the group to appear (sans Eminem) for what's been described as a decent sum. The group showed up, shook hands, gave out autographs, gave a speech, and gave out some CDs and posters. But of all the parties on this list, this one might be the most oddly pure and endearing. Quote Ethan's Dad's friend, who hooked this all up: "It was never about money or prestige why I wanted to do it. For me, I did it because I love D12 and love the Weismans and wanted to give Ethan a really cool present."
Mind you, this is a kid who lives in Detroit, and Devil's Nighthad just come out the summer before, and Americans all over were still massively freaked out by 9/11. Also, consider this: None of the parents on this list had any problem with the artists performing at their kids' bar or bat mitzvahs. And while we're not ones for censorship, you have to at least consider the wisdom behind booking some of these acts for 13-year-olds, "clean" versions of songs aside. Part of what's great about rap is your parents hating rap! So Ethan might not have had the great performance. But he did have the right thing, at the right time: Just enough to drive a room full of 13-year-olds in Detroit crazy, and leaving them wanting more. That's worth something.
Shyne, at the Dining Room in the Beit Shemesh Educational Center
Where: The Jaffa Institute Educational Center (Beit Semesh, Israel)
Date: April 23, 2012
Songs Performed: None.
Huh? Yes, we know, we tricked you: Shyne doesn't actually rap here. But consider this: Shyne, one of rap's greatest long-incarcerated shittalkers, converted to Judaism while in prison. When Rick Ross's Black Bar Mitzvah mixtape came out, Shyne had some shit to talk on it. And Shyne seems to wildly vacillate between drawing attention for all the right reasons, and all the wrong reasons. But here, Shyne—in all of his converted glory—is speaking to a group of underprivleged Ethiopian Jewish kids who can't afford to have Bar Mitzvahs (or, at least, Western Bar Mitzvahs: A Jewish person is considered an adult the first time they read from the Torah, not when they have an absurd party and bad Glamour Shots to remember it by). In fact, he supposedly picked up what tab there was.
For whatever reason, Shyne was there. And Shyne took the time out of his day—whatever his days are occupied with—to talk to these kids, who, sure, might not know who the hell Shyne is, and clearly, don't even know what name he rapped under, but that's besides the point: We do. And Shyne, who kept it real for a very, very long time, continued to here.
So there's that.