Image via Complex Original
We all know rappers say the darndest things on their songs, but sometimes they save their most mind-boggling quotables for outside of the booth. One could argue that the hilarity and foolishness uttered by rappers in interviews and public appearances are simply a part of their shtick—performance art, if you will. And as the audience, we certainly appreciate and encourage their ability to amuse us, whether it's intentionally or not. For your entertainment, we found The 20 Funniest Things Rappers Have Said (Not In a Rap Song).
Written by Nick Sella @therealnsella & Brian Brooks @Brianbrooks336
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"Big up to Flex. Stop taking so much cizock in his mizouth." - Nas
After Hot 97 denied Nas the opportunity to "lynch" a fake Jay Z at Summer Jam, the rapper decided to let off some steam on rival station Power 105. He called Cam'ron "wack" and told N.O.R.E. to step up his game. But the Queensbridge native was just getting started. He continued his rant by referring to Def Jam and Hot 97 as "evil empires." The icing on the cake came along when he personally attacked Funkmaster Flex for taking payola and promoting a "corny" format.
"We be sticking pill up girl's booty, too!" - Lil Boosie
During an interview with The Smoking Section back in 2009, Lil Boosie went off topic when he brought up some of the questionable activities he partakes in with the ladies. It would be best if you check out the interview because some of them we just can't repeat. All we can say is: Boosie really is a Bad Azz.
"Just get a regular word. What the f**k is a Google?" - DMX
That's actually a good question: What the fuck is a Google? It's a creative take on the word "googol," which is the number 1 followed by 100 zeros. See, you just learned something.
"I am a gangster, Ms. Katie." - Lil Wayne
"What does that mean when you say 'I'm a gangsta?'" Well in 2009 that probably didn't mean wearing leopard-print jeggings, but this was a much different Lil Wayne who sat down with Katie Couric. Too bad this happened before memes and hash-tagging were more mainstream. Just imagine the possibilities...
"I put you in my kufi category. Off with your kufi." - Jim Jones
Jim Jones added Ma$e to his "kufi list" when he called up Hot 97 during an interview with the on-again, off-again rapper. Ma$e was calm and collected as Jimmy and Killa questioned him over why he left New York City. Hey, Ma$e: Nas was in Jim's "kuti category," too. At least you're in good company.
"We don't f**k with you musically." - Kid Cudi
In an interview with Complex's Joe La Puma, Kid Cudi explained his unwillingness to collaborate with rapper Wale. The G.O.O.D. Music artist stated, quite matter-of-factly: "We don't fuck with you musically." Little did he know that his short and brutally honest phrase would go viral, appearing on T-shirts, blogs, and tweets. Fortunately, the two set aside their musical differences and made up.
"CURTISSSS" - Cam'ron
If there's one way to get under the skin of a guy who's been shot nine times and sold millions of records, it's probably not by yelling his government name at him. 50 Cent was talking with Angie Martinez on Hot 97 when Cam'ron decided to call up and argue over sales numbers and defend Koch Records. What started as a friendly conversation between Cam and 50 turned into a shouting match, but at least it birthed "CURTISSSS." This was one of the last times we really got that vintage, boisterous Killa.
"We got food stamps. Glad to get the food stamps. Why wouldn't you want to get free money?" - Ol' Dirty Bastard
You know why they called him Ol' Dirty Bastard? Because there ain't no father to his style. And with a video like this, it just reminds us why we miss ODB so much. Yeah, he really took a limo to the welfare office. R.I.P. ODB, man. He was truly one of a kind.
"Yo Taylor, I'm really happy for you. I'ma let you finish. But Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time!" - Kanye West
When Taylor Swift won Best Female Video at the 2009 MTV VMAs for "You Belong With Me," Kanye wasn't feeling it. He jumped on stage to let the world know Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" deserved the award. This was a defining moment for Yeezy and the catalyst for much of the hate he still receives today. It also spawned two of the most overused phrases ever.
"Thanks, man. I appreciate it. Keep a tight a**, buddy." - Fat Joe
While Fat Joe probably meant what he said with warm regards, it was pretty awkward to have him tell someone this. Maybe that's something you jokingly tell your boy before he leaves to serve a stint at a penitentiary, but not how you conclude an interview meant to promote your upcoming album. And the only way to react is how Complex's Joe La Puma did when he got hit with this random piece of advice: Chuckle and hang up immediately.
"U MAAAAAD" - Cam'ron
Bill O'Reilly often just invites guests to his show to bully them, but he became the victim of his own political theater when Cam'ron turned his entire appearance The O'Reilly Factor into a parody of the show itself. Fox must have underestimated how Cam would come off in a debate about explicit music because instead of trying to be serious, Killa just hit ’em with the immortal phrase, "U Maaaaad."
"One [groupie] took a shit and didn't wipe her f**king a**. I wake up smelling s**t. I go into the bathroom to take a piss, and see some big-a** logs of s**t, but no toilet tissue in there." - DMX
DMX is known for doing some crazy shit, but taking a groupie back to your room who takes a shit and doesn't wipe? C'mon dog. Your instinct didn't tell you this chick didn't have the simplest bathroom etiquette? X told Complex this memorable moment back in 2008 and since then his career has been, well, in the toilet.
Sidebar: DJ Kay Slay definitely wasn't surprised. He knows all about X and the company he keeps.
"Go f**king paint a house!" - Prodigy
Just before heading off to jail on a gun possession charge, Prodigy let rappers like Max B, Cassidy, Joe Budden, and Jim Jones know he didn't fuck with their music. During P's rant he suggested alternative career opportunities for rappers, like painting houses. Who knew P was such a great career advisor?
"Is that you, Betha?" - Jim Jones
Not Ma$e, not Murda Ma$e, not even Mason: When Jim Jones called Hot 97 to speak about his falling out with Ma$e, he wasn't pleased about what he heard before the call, resulting in him questioning if it was Mason Betha on the line. Jim only lasted on the phone for a few belligerent minutes, but in that time he questioned Ma$e's spirituality, the reason he left Harlem, and added him to his infamous "Kufi List." Ma$e didn't seem too phased, though, and he prayed for Jim Jones following the call.
"It doesn't sound anything like 'Under Pressure.'" - Vanilla Ice
Vanilla Ice didn't seem to understand the concept of sampling when he made this outrageous claim. "Ice Ice Baby" takes the baseline from Queen's "Under Pressure." Simple as that. But for whatever reason, Ice really tried to act like his song didn't sound like theirs. Dude, we have ears.
"I wanted some chicken because I'm black so you know I like chicken a lot." - Kanye West
This paparazzo had to have rehearsed this question a thousand times before the opportunity to ask it presented itself. Either that or he had no good questions. Either way, Kanye seemed annoyed but still uttered a pretty funny response.
"It's a shower that's lit by all LED lights. It has 10 jets, an overhead, and it sprays out lavender or whatever scents you want. It's something I've always wanted." - Drake
It's the best shower Drake ever had. Apparently Bed, Bath, & Beyond doesn't cut it for Drizzy, so he went and installed a shower that looks more like a Lady Gaga concert than something we'd expect to be in their bathroom. This massive renovation was the reason Complex couldn't interview Drake in his apartment back in 2011. Since getting the Experience installed, nothing was the same for Drake in the shower.
"If I was born behind a desk, boy, you should just have killed me. It's kind of like a nigga with no d**k living in the Playboy mansion." - Lil Wayne
What a profound analogy. According to the rapper, a life behind a desk is a life not worth living. However, a dick-less Wayne in the Playboy mansion is the cruelest form of torture one can possibly imagine. We should all appreciate Wayne for taking advantage of his various talents. However, we totally live beind a desk and it's really not that bad.
"His name is Barack?! What the f**k is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa? What the f**k?! That ain't no f**kin' name, yo. That ain't that ni**a's name. You can't be serious." -DMX
DMX was asked back in 2008 about then Senator Barack Obama running for president and gave this response to XXL. This from a guy who goes by DMX, short for Dark Man X, and barks like a dog.
"Back to you, Hervis." - Rick Ross
Rick Ross turned the cameras back on TMZ and in true BAWSE fashion, he (1) made the cameraman his employee, (2) got him to promote MMG's Self Made Vol. 3, and (3) made Harvey Levin his bitch by calling him "Hervis." Kanye should take notes from Rick Ross about how to handle paparazzi.