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On Friday, we found ourselves facing a particularly depressing question: how many sexual assault stories will we have time to cover today? Blake Lively, who came out and said her former makeup artist sexually harassed her and filmed her while she was sleeping? Or former Playboy model Carrie Stevens, who has accused renowned director Oliver Stone of groping her at a party over two decades ago?
Let's look at the bigger picture here: Thursday, we covered the news of Amazon Studios boss Roy Price, who has taken a "leave of absence" in the wake of assault allegations raised against him, and actor James Van Der Beek, who shared his experiences of being sexually harassed by "older, powerful men." Just the day before, on Wednesday, we covered actress Hilarie Burton's claims that she was groped by Ben "get them titties out" Affleck. On Tuesday, we reported on Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein, the propellant for this outpouring of accusations, being caught on tape admitting to groping a woman's breast, in addition to Terry Crews revealing that he also was assaulted by a powerful man in Hollywood. And Monday, we covered Kodak Black being indicted for first-degree criminal sexual conduct.
To be clear: this is our job. And we love doing what we do. But this week, our job has been really fucking hard. The world is in a dark place right now, leaving us in a moment in time where we have to decide which sexual assault stories to cover, and which ones we won't be able to get to. We know we're not alone in this darkness, so we reached out to dozens of other women in media who are caught up in this potentially trauma-inducing news cycle. Some of them declined to participate, noting it was too triggering, too soon, too exhausting for them, while others have already had to write about these alleged assaults at length, and can't bear to share another word, if they can help it.
Every single woman in this world, at every end of the identity spectrum, is dealing with this shit. Our hope is that the women who answered us will give women everywhere encouragement, empowerment, and advice for coping in these trash times. A hopeful byproduct of this collection of insights would be for the men who are quick to sweep aside rape culture—the men who inject themselves into the conversation with "I understand because I have a daughter/aunt/sister/female neighbor"—to gain legitimate insight into what women have to deal with, constantly.
To the women reading this: whether you want to unplug and curl up in a fetal position, take to the streets and protest, or call out the person who's your Harvey Weinstein—cope as you see fit. There is no right or wrong way.
Jamilah Lemieux
Occupation: Cultural Critic and VP of Programming, Cassius
Twitter: @JamilahLemieux
At a time like this, I am grateful to no longer be an editor or writer responsible for producing on a regular basis. Alas, my work does require me to follow a news cycle that is a daily source of trauma, and to help editors and writers decide how to approach stories that slice right through the intersection of my race and gender. Each Weinstein development reminds me that 1) even white victims who struggle to be believed get a better shake than Black and LatinX ones, and 2) shit that has happened to every woman I know is actually assault and that I have to stop thinking of it as anything else, even if that makes it easier to get out of bed each morning and finally, 3) a better world is possible and this public unraveling of this (alleged) human dumpster fire of a man is a small necessary that may prevent other people from suffering in the way that his victims have.
Eve Peyser
Occupation: Politics Writer, VICE
Twitter: @evepeyser
This past week has felt like a year, between the Weinstein accusations and the conversation in the media about pervasive sexual assault—never mind the fact that we have a president who has been accused of assault by over a dozen women.
The Weinstein story coming to light will hopefully serve as a warning sign to other powerful men who think they can do whatever they want to women and get away with it. But I'd be remiss if I didn't say I was feeling completely emotionally exhausted. I've definitely had a lot of experiences with sexual assault (see this Twitter thread) and I've been thinking a lot about victim-blaming and how the language we have to talk about sexual assault is inadequate. There's a spectrum of abusive behavior, and it seems like the words we use to talk about men violating women doesn't take into account the nuance of said violations.
I'm not hopeless to the point where I'm abandoning men or giving up on the world entirely. But I am aware that these reports and Weinstein's demise will make a difference. It sucks that it took 25 years for all of this to surface, that it took 25 years for people to believe women enough to get this story out—but better late than never.
To any men concerned about getting accused of sexual harassment after the Weinstein story, I have a piece of advice for you: don’t sexually harass women and then you'll have nothing to worry about. Moreover, if you see your friends behaving in that way, speak out. Be a real ally.
Michelle Lee
Occupation: Editor-in-Chief, Allure
Twitter: @heymichellelee
I have to be on Twitter throughout the day for work, and God, it’s emotionally draining. What’s helped me is that I follow some female writers I love, like Anne Donahue who had that viral thread asking women when they met "their Harvey Weinstein." Reading the replies made me hopeful that (at least some) men were finally seeing how common and damaging this is for women.
And our digital deputy editor Sam Escobar tweeted this a few days ago: "Love & support to every reporter/editor who's covering Harvey Weinstein and is also a survivor of rape, harassment or abuse. I love you all." We have to remind ourselves, and others occasionally, that we're here to support each other as well as to smash the patriarchy and destroy fascism.
One trap I think we need to avoid falling into is the "all men are trash" narrative, which I literally just saw five minutes ago on Twitter. It's unfair, untrue, and unhelpful. Similarly, it's an infuriating distraction to blame Hillary Clinton. But the news cycle has been unrelenting and everyone's bad take is getting attention.
I’m hesitant to call this a turning point in how we address rape culture, just because it's so deeply ingrained—especially in certain industries like Hollywood. But I do think this will lead to SOME change, because Harvey Weinstein will remain a very public example of what can happen to men who get caught. It shows that intense public shame can lead to real consequences. So, I have to believe that this story will be a looming dose of fear that might make some men think twice before they act. Plus, it's empowered more women to speak up, which will hopefully take away some of the fear for other victims in the future.
But how am I coping? Big glass of wine, Twitter-free breaks, and take some positive action IRL beyond social media.
Morgan Jerkins
Occupation: Writer
Twitter: @MorganJerkins
I'm almost beyond words with what is happening right now. I'm glad that it's happening on an unprecedented scale but I'm also upset that it has come to this. I wish men would know how to keep their hands to themselves and us women wouldn't have to keep asking why people don't believe sexual assault victims. It shouldn't have to take umpteen articles to believe a single woman. I've felt paralyzed all week. My sleeping has been interrupted all throughout the night and I feel deflated. The system needs to change. It's such a wash, rinse, and repeat process and the responsibility shouldn't fall on women.
Jamie Varon
Occupation: Visual Designer and Writer
Twitter: @jamievaron
I've met many Harvey Weinsteins and it wasn't until recently that I've realized my capability to wield sexuality for power wasn't really powerful at all. There was a man, Bill, who gave me a job in college. He used to put his feet up on his desk with his arms propped on his neck, outstretched while he spoke to me. I remember knowing that I had been given the job with the good pay because I had giggled at his jokes in the interview and was pretty and blonde—not thin, but pretty enough that an aging white man still working at a dead-end desk job could be empowered by my laugh and give me $14/hr to chat with my friends on messenger all day. It felt like an inevitability—that I would have to use my sexuality at some point to advance. And now, with allegations of sexual harassment and sexual assault finally being taken seriously, I've had a long, hard talk with myself about how I normalized abuse and disrespect, how I thought, "this is the way it will always be" and drank alcohol until I forgot I cared. I did not know I could be mad about this treatment—from Bill or from any man who treated me in degrading ways. I did not know I was allowed to clap back. I just. I did not know. Until now. I am exhausted, but I am emboldened.
Beija Velez
Occupation: News Anchor, Complex
Twitter: @BeijaMVelez
It sucks that "coping" even has to exist, but being engulfed in these stories is so dark. In the wake of the recent Weinstein sexual allegations, so many women have come forward. But it’s men who need to have these discussions with other men. They need to stop saying "I have a wife, I have daughters." Men need to acknowledge that women are humans—it's as simple as that. Hopefully all of these strong people coming forward will show the world that we won’t allow this behavior to exist, period.
Sara David
Occupation: Culture Editor, Broadly
Twitter: @SaraQDavid
"Grab 'em by the pussy" was not a "turning point" for men, so I doubt that this is galvanizing men to change. I don't know how to make it any clearer that 1 in 6 women have been the victim of rape or attempted rape; that women are humans beyond being men's mothers, wives, sisters and daughters; that every woman men know and love has experienced something like this.
That nearly every woman I know has experienced sexual violence honestly sometimes makes me want to die. And yet, most men aren't even willing to denounce their rapist friends.
When I was younger, I used to feel inspired to share my survival story to legitimize whatever point about abuse and power I wanted to make. But these days, I'm exhausted. The onus shouldn't be on women to constantly re-traumatize ourselves for the sake of discourse. We elected a rapist for president—what's the fucking point?
I've had many Harvey Weinsteins in my life. Having grown up in NYC, I've seen dicks flashed in my face and subway masturbators since I could remember; I was 8 the first time a guy jacked off against me on the train. The man who raped me when I was 12 has since died. But all the men in power who cornered me at various points in my life—grade school teacher, former coworker, college prof—are still in the same positions. I would not confront them now.
Two days ago, my coworkers and I were walking to a bar and a man followed us for half a block. When we ignored him, he started literally grunting, panting, and making strange noises in anguish. As we ran across the street, my coworker asked in absolute seriousness, "Is he still there? Is he going to hurt us?" I would not confront him. And I wouldn't confront my own Harvey Weinsteins, either. I feel hopeless, and I don't want a man to be the reason I die.
Darian S. Harvin
Occupation: Podcast Host, Am I Allowed to Like Anything?
Twitter: @dariansymone
My hope is that men who physically and verbally abuse women get scared. Because women have found a way to press through the fear and real consequences of exposing powerful, perverse men and go on record to expose their depraved ways. Due to this courage, we might enter a time when a single man won't be able to get away with the verbal and physical harassment we've seen. I'm not sure how quickly situations like Harvey and Bill and Roger will urge men to change their behavior, but the patriarchy may be crumbling just a little—and it won't bode well for men who prey on women.
Tanya Ghahremani
Occupation: Associate Lifestyle Editor, Bustle
Twitter: @tanyaghahremani
The night Trump won the election, I remember sitting in my best friend’s living room and thinking that the amount of dread and fear washing over me at that very moment was the worst I'd ever felt. I also remember thinking that it was going to be important now more than ever for women to keep strong and fight back against the administration that was going to attempt to strip us of our rights and autonomy over our bodies. That thought energized me, in a way—things were dire, but I couldn't stop to mourn. There was no time.
Now, nearly a year later, I realize that it was impossible to imagine the amount of terrifying shit the world was going to throw at us. Not only is our president someone who has been accused of sexual assault, but multiple men in high positions of power have been accused of controlling and violating women. Every single day, they are constant reminders that women aren't respected nor safe in this world—and that's all coming from the news. These accounts of sexual assault hit home for more women than we know, like me. And like countless other women, I didn't confront or report him.
More than anything, the current climate has helped me realize that self-care is incredibly important; taking time to disconnect from Twitter and the CNN app has helped me keep my sanity (at least for short periods of time). As difficult as it is to cope, the reality is still that we need each other if we're going to push back against the administration in the White House, and the (alleged) Nellys and the Harvey Weinsteins of this world.
I wouldn’t say that seeing all the reports of sexual assault dominating the news cycle galvanizes me into action at all, but I know that giving up isn't an option right now. We have to fight back: for ourselves and for young girls who are growing up into a world that doesn't respect their rights as individuals.
Kathy Iandoli
Occupation: Journalist and Author
Twitter: @kath3000
There are days where I'm numb to it and others I'm completely triggered. I tend to stay off social media during the prominent moments, only because you can say a remark publicly and the comments that follow are so vile sometimes. We live in a world where women are told to speak up, only to be silenced again. We are learning that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Sadly, I think it will change men's barometers for how/when they make their move. They'll still make their move though, unfortunately. Men like Harvey Weinstein will always suggest a "massage" as the litmus test for more disgusting behaviors to follow.
As someone who has worked in the misogynistic world of music—particularly hip-hop—for nearly 20 years, I can say this: believe women first. Just because a man has been extremely kind and gentle to you does NOT mean they've extended that same courtesy to another woman. I'd rather be wrong about one man than be on the wrong side of history.
Kayla Greaves
Occupation: Journalist
Twitter: @KaylaAGreaves
I want to give up on the world every day, to be honest. But the reality is is that we're stuck here until further notice, so we have to do what we can in the meantime to make it a safer environment for everyone, while still being mindful of our own emotions and mental health. Some people find comfort in publicly sharing their own personal experiences, while others cope by making a general thread about rape culture on Twitter or providing a private outlet to survivors. There's no right or wrong way to take action. I think the most meaningful thing you can do is to let others know that they're not alone.
We're learning that sexual assault comes in many different forms. It's not just a random man coming out of the bushes and attacking a woman. It can happen in public, attackers can be people you've known for years and trusted. It doesn't always have to be penetrative assault—it could be any unwanted touching, nasty remarks. Anything that makes anyone feel objectified or uncomfortable is a problem. We live in a toxic society where men are conditioned to think this sort of subtle harassment is harmless. Men have a lot of unlearning to do as a whole. As far as the next generation goes, we have to raise young boys to do better and teach young girls that they aren't to blame for any unwanted attention.
I've encountered many creeps while doing my job. Some I called out, some I didn't. Very early on in my career, I was too scared to speak up at all because of the potential repercussions. They were very powerful men—who would believe some random then 21-year-old? A lot of these attackers have a really sick way of twisting the story to make you believe it was all your fault, or that you need to keep them around because you'll never "make it" without them. It's disgusting.
Would I call them out now? Maybe. There's one person in particular I'm not brave enough to confront yet, but I hope one day I can find the courage. Coming forward is so much more complicated than people are led to believe because you're putting so much on the line when you call a person of power's credibility into question.
Bené Viera
Occupation: Culture Editor
Twitter: @beneviera
I think of all the women I know who are survivors and how the onslaught of the news must be triggering for them. It's also a reminder that we still do not believe women. So how I cope is I try to give myself a maximum time, let's say an hour, to scroll Twitter before logging out. I try to scroll past the heavier news stories—although I always end up reading them anyway. But sometimes digesting sexual assault news a couple days after the story breaks helps. It never gets easier. I obviously am not giving up on the world because men can't get their shit together, but sometimes there is no action to be taken. I mostly read, listen to women, think of how fucked up rape culture is and/or amplify the smart voices of women who I think should be heard.
I think men (and some women) are learning what women have always said is true—there are predatory men in positions of power in every industry. And unfortunately, lots of those men rape, harass, and assault women. Women have dealt with this since the beginning of time, and rape culture not only allows these men to get away with it, but to continue to thrive. I think we're also learning whom society decides is worthy of standing up for. If Weinstein's victims were black actresses would he still be in the news cycle? Would anyone care? I think we all know the answer to that. There is a reason why R. Kelly still sells out tours and hasn't been exiled from the music industry with over 20 years of predatory behavior. And it's because his victims are black girls and women.
We need men to talk to their sons, nephews, brothers, uncles and other male friends about sexual assault and consent and rape culture. But I am not hopeful that in my lifetime we will see men's behavior change in any significant way, which is evident by how men respond when these stories make headlines.
Kelly Lawler
Occupation: Entertainment Writer, USA TODAY
Twitter: @klawls
Knowing when to unplug is key. I tend to keep Tweetdeck open for my entire workday and will find myself scrolling through Twitter on my phone at home at night, too. This week, I've had to stop myself, close the tab and focus on my work or focus on my home life. I've watched a lot of Call the Midwife recently, which I highly recommend for people who like to watch TV as self-care. Lots of babies and sweet British people.
There are always times when I want to give up, but I was glad this week that I could contribute to our coverage with an essay, and that I could talk to people online and friends and family in the world about it. I wouldn't say I'm "galvanized"—it's not quite the right word, because this is hard and incredibly emotionally taxing. But it feels good to contribute.
As a journalist, I can really just continue to write and report. It’s been a really depressing week but it's also been a week of really great journalism from great female reporters. Right now, I just want to support friends, family, and other women online in general. And keep sharing other stories by female journalists, hanging out after work and just celebrating the great women in my life, because I don't think the news cycle is going to get particularly lighter anytime soon.