Image via Complex Original
Pick-up lines come in all flavors: There’s the innocuous (“Don’t I know you from somewhere?”), the direct (“I saw you from across the bar, and just had to talk to you—what’s your name?), and the trite (“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”).
Most of the time, they’re harmless ways to make a romantic connection, but sometimes, pick-up lines veer into creepy, offensive, and—in worst-case scenarios—racist territory. It’s not uncommon for lines directed at people of color, in particular, to be tinged with stereotypical references about their ethnicity or race.
In this NTRSCTN video, watch folks get candid about their appalling and ridiculous experiences with racist pick-up lines (then scroll down to read more stories).
Anita C., 28
"A couple of years ago, I was out dancing one night with a group of friends. When I left the group to grab a drink at the bar, this guy zeros in on me, leans over, and says, 'You're like rice and curry ... I could eat you all day.'
A curry joke, directed at an Indian person. VERY original. Not only did he have the least ingenious pick-up line of the century, his breath smelled revolting, too."
Kristen K., 25
"I'm pretty sure no one conventionally 'hot' has ever liked me. Well, okay, there was this one stupidly hot guy, except OF COURSE there's a catch. Because no NORMAL hot guys are allowed to like me, this particular hot guy turned out to be a total weirdo bro-creep.
For a couple of months one summer, this dude used to hit on me incessantly while he had a girlfriend (simultaneously complaining about her while sending me selfies from bed—selfies which, important to note, were never reciprocated). I'm not sure if he's ever dated an Asian girl before (I've only seen him pictured with white or Latina girlfriends), but for some reason, my ethnicity seemed to be the main point of his fixation while flirting. He'd slide into my Instagram with comments like, 'Yoko?' (COME ON DUDE), and then when he found out I lived by myself in Brooklyn, asked me if KIM JONG-UN PAYED MY RENT *stabs self in eyes.* That is just offensive on several levels.
Then when he finally got a hold of my phone number, he started a text conversation by sending me that Asian man in a beanie emoji next to a yellow heart 👲 💛 (WHY YELLOW, I WONDER, HMM), next to the grandpa emoji 👴, insinuating he was an old man (he's only like 30 or whatever).
He followed up that text with, 'I don't know why you were wearing a beanie when we took that picture,' to which I replied, 'Is that low-key racist?' And his response? 'They don’t have cute Asian female emoji. Isn't THAT the real racism, here?' Gahhhh. Is there an eyes-rolling-so-far-back-in-your-head emoji yet?"
Stephanie S., 33
"1. I joined Tinder as an assignment for the magazine I contribute to. On the site, I matched with this guy who grew up in Florida, but had moved to Toronto seven years ago. While we were dating, he saw nothing wrong with sending me a text with a YouTube link to a song that he said reminded him of me. The title of the song was: 'Sweet Black Pussy.' I asked him if he’d even listened to the lyrics of the song, and of course, he hadn’t. I sent him a link to the lyrics of the song; he replied, 'Awesome,' and said he listened to a lot of Too $hort growing up. We no longer speak.
2. Since Miley Cyrus appropriated twerking in her video, 'Can’t Stop,' I can’t count the amount of times I’ve been asked if I can twerk, or make my ass clap 'like those girls in the video.' I was still on Tinder when the first and only message I received after a match was, 'Our haircuts look similar, but only one of us can make our ass clap like those girls in the video.' I didn’t respond and deleted the app.
3. Last summer, I dated a white guy who constantly needed to reassure me that he dated black women before me. Cool, no one cares. I have no idea how the conversation started, but he made the statement, 'I like black girls because they have fat asses.' I say, 'Okay, but so do women from many different ethnic backgrounds,' and he says, 'Yeah, but not like black girls.' I feel like saying he’s young and didn’t know anything as an excuse, but it was abundantly clear that was the absolute truth after [he made] that statement."
Michelle O., 22
"As a queer black woman who regularly dates outside of her race, what haven't I heard? Guys have asked to 'taste my dark chocolate,' pondered openly about the size of my ass, requested dancing lessons, or written odes to 'taming me' in bed. The most racist pick-up line I can remember someone using on me comes from OkCupid: 'I've always wanted to f*ck a black girl just to see if their pussies were really purple.' (As you can guess, he was blocked immediately.)"
Caroline L., 26
"I was 20, Asian (well, still am), at a bar, wearing one of those washed denim cutoffs that were so popular a few years ago. They looked a little like diapers, and will probably remain head-to-head with gladiator sandals as items that give men boners they don’t quite understand. I was also drinking a Jack Daniels on the rocks because cool girls drink whiskey, and I was too young to realize cool girls were cool because they drink *good* whiskey.
It also happened to be the night where I met my now-boyfriend—we’d been dating for six years. He was a colleague of the friend I was meeting. I preface this example of a racist pick-up line with the sincere declaration that he was, and remains, one of the most beautiful people I know. The two of them approach me; I’d been drinking on an empty stomach, and was feeling like a wiseass.
The first thing out of my mouth after he introduces himself is, 'Are you French?' He responds in the affirmative and asks why. In a deeply misguided attempt at flirtation I promptly responded, 'Because of your nose.' In retrospect, I’d like to extend an olive branch to every white man whose compliments of 'almond eyes' or 'caramel skin' have been met with disdain. Maybe you meant well? Never the men who have said anything about my 'petite body,' though. You’re still the worst."
Joanne W., 28
"Some guy asked me once where I was from. I said I was Canadian, and he asked me, 'No, I meant where you're from-from.' Again, I answered, 'I'm from Canada.' Then he asked me where my parents were from. I told him Hong Kong. He then started to go on about how he loved sushi and anime (if you know your Asian cultures, this has no relation to Hong Kong). He even proceeded to brag about 'how great he was at using chopsticks for a white guy.' Needless to say, I walked away from that conversation."
Jacques, P., 35
"About 10 years ago, I was out with a group of friends in the Hamptons, getting nice and drunk at Boardy Barn. After quite a few beers, I remember it being time to head back home, so I went to search for a few of my friends who had strayed away from the pack. I was suddenly approached by a cute white girl, who I'm positive had some liquid courage in her because she took it upon herself to grab my dick and say, 'How do I get some of this chocolate?' I was feeling half shocked and half flattered, but I still found my friends and got out of there ASAP!"
Anonymous woman, 25
"I recently went out on a date with a Rwandan guy who told me while on the date that he likes me for my 'softer' features—i.e., thin nose, long curly hair, etc. I felt fetishized and disrespected. The disrespect is in the implicit comparison. He's not saying I look good; he's saying I look better than other kinds of black girls, and that's f*cked up. It's f*cked up he had to put down other black women to give me a compliment."